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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701961">Ulysses Paradox</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheresmywifi/pseuds/wheresmywifi'>wheresmywifi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>WillNE</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Will Lenney - Freeform, WillNE - Freeform, eboys, willne / oc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:34:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>58,380</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25701961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheresmywifi/pseuds/wheresmywifi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ruby is a local graphic artist who uses work as an excuse to avoid coming to terms with her emotions. Then she meets Will, and the line between work and feelings starts to blur.<br/>He is, for all intents and purposes, a mystery to Ruby. She is desperate to keep it professional, but there's something about him that keeps pulling her back... and then back, and then back again.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>will lenney / oc</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm just saying, if Leopold had been more invested into his relationship, I don't think Molly would have been interested in Boylan to begin with. She would've been happy enough in her relationship that she didn't feel that the grass was greener with a guy who only wanted her for her tits and potential fame," Ruby thumbed through the pages of Ulysses mindlessly, listening to Audre and Taj debate the nuanced relationship between the businessman and his wife.</p>
<p>"He's already dealing with so much else in his life, I can see where Molly might be more interested in a man who wants her back, I don't think our mate Leo had her best interest in mind, he was a self-serving anti-hero, that's the entire point," Taj insisted.</p>
<p>"Way to parrot every literary review ever, Taj," Ruby said, laughing. Audre nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>"You've not even read the book," Audre added, "just googled a review and noted the wittiest, most scathing remarks."</p>
<p>"That's not true, it's my own conclusion. If anything, the fact that my opinion lines up with common criticism of the work implies that I'm on the right path to understanding."</p>
<p>"Was it not Joyce himself who said he'd packed so many enigmas into this book that he'd have professors busy for centuries?" Audre countered.</p>
<p>"That's the only way of insuring one's immortality." Ruby finished. Taj rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in defeat.</p>
<p>"What's the point of readin through the classics if so many white blokes with fucking monocles and sports coats already've got their fifty pence in, eh? I thought we were bringing in a fresh perspective, not tearing down Taj anytime he comes prepared to have a discussion." He said to the girls, who finally cracked and gave it to him for defending himself. They'd been meeting up twice a month for some while now, after they'd spent a semester with almost identical schedules during their last year at uni. A study group had grown into friendship and a common love for niche literature and, even more important, a common disdain for classic literature. They'd started their pseudo book club to broaden their horizons and see each other regularly, and attempt to make it through some of their hand-picked collection of classic reading that held a sliver of hope.</p>
<p>Ruby grabbed her empty mug and went to the front counter to get a refill. She passed a handful of change over to the barista and nodded when he let her know it would be done brewing in just a moment.</p>
<p>When her coffee was done, she carefully carried it back to her seat, pausing to let two men walk in front of her.</p>
<p>"'scuse me, thanks," one of them mumbled as she nodded them forward. She made eye contact with the closer of the two, and smiled briefly, looking at his face just a moment longer than was normal. She pulled her eyes away and looked him up and down. He was nothing special, just an average guy at a coffee shop. They took up residence at the table next to her friends. As Ruby went to step over the backpack the two guys had brought in, her foot caught on the strap and tripped her just enough to spill some very hot coffee all over her fingertips. She hissed in pain and quickly set the mug down, shaking her hands.</p>
<p>"Oh, pardon, I'm so sorry mate," the man sitting closer to her grabbed the bag and tucked it further under their table. He had shaggy dark brown hair and scruffy beard to match, but looked friendly.</p>
<p>"It's okay, don't stress," she replied, sucking a bit of coffee off the back of her hand. "If it wasn't you it was gonna be me." The man chuckled amiably, and looked over at the three friends at the table next to him.</p>
<p>"Are you guys reading James Joyce?" He commented, pointing to their books. Audre nodded.</p>
<p>"We're about halfway through, and it's a right fucking mess," she said. He laughed and nodded.</p>
<p>"I read that in uni and when we'd finished I told my prof that surely it had been banned for a good reason," they all laughed. "You reading it for a course?"</p>
<p>"Nah,"Taj replied, "Believe it or not we've actually graduated, we're doing this to ourselves." The man chuckled.</p>
<p>"Better on you, truly. By the time I finished it, the only reason I was grateful for having made it to the end was so that I was absolutely positive that it had not been worth sitting through, whatsoever." The other man at the table finally piped up.</p>
<p>"Only James here would be able to read a whole book just for the sake of giving it a poor review, eh. Grammar school my arse, just pops out right snobs I'll tell ya that much." They all laughed, and the man, now introduced as James, shook his head.</p>
<p>"You've got to stop bringing up grammar school every time you get the opportunity, it's just making you sound jealous." This made Audre and Taj laugh harder, and even the other man got a good snort out of it.</p>
<p>"Grammar school is like the private school here, yeah?" Ruby asked.</p>
<p>"No," James started, and the other man interrupted.</p>
<p>"Yes, yeah it's exactly that. His parents paid big money to make him a self-righteous prick." Audre laughed and explained the difference.</p>
<p>"Grammar school is similar to private school, but you don't pay for it— you have to qualify to get in," she turned to everyone, "so instead of just shoving money at you, your parents have to go the hands-on route of training you to become a prick." James gave in and raised his hands in mock surrender and the other man laughed until he had tears in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Oh boy, that was good. Good." James continued chatting with the three about Ulysses, and agreed with Taj's condemnation of Leopold's actions and priorities. Ruby rolled her eyes and dramatically sighed,</p>
<p>"Men..."</p>
<p>The other man piped up again. "Oi, where d'you think from, miss California valley girl, to try and come for the nice men of the United Kingdom?" It sounded standoffish, but his eyes gave away the joke.</p>
<p>"Ah ha, right, California valley my ass," Ruby responded, "I don't know how you managed to guess that, but yeah I'm from California, and it doesn't change me coming for the oh-so-nice men of the UK."</p>
<p>"She's the diversity token in our book club," Taj laughed.</p>
<p>"Our valley girl," Audre added.</p>
<p>"I got extra funding for school here because of it." Everyone laughed.</p>
<p>They spent a little bit more time chatting, and they soon realized that James had graduated with them.</p>
<p>"No way, that's so bizarre," he said. He turned to Ruby, "and you're still living here in London then?" She nodded.</p>
<p>"Yeah! So I do like, freelance stuff, and work with a few local shops around here. It just felt right to stay nearby after graduation." Taj waved his hand at her.</p>
<p>"You don't just do 'like, some freelance stuff'," he mimicked, "she's a designer, and she had every damn shop in downtown London begging to work with her, so she decided to stay and make some damn money. Plus, we started a book club." James turned with a surprised look.</p>
<p>"Oh shut it," Ruby flushed at his words, "we all know I stayed for book club."</p>
<p>"Really? That's seriously so cool. Do you do freelance design work? Will has been looking for someone to design a few t-shirts and such," James said, pointing to now-introduced Will.</p>
<p>"Yeah, actually I just started taking on a couple side jobs," Ruby said to James and Will, "I can give you my card if you want?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, that's not a bad thought, you've got a portfolio or something online?" Will asked as she rummaged around her bag.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I've got too much on there, I think. I'm in an ongoing process of redesigning and updating my portfolio online, so 'scuse the mess," she replied, handing over the little card. Will flipped it in his hands. Ruby Francis. It was just a white card with black font, her information neatly listed out under her name. He glanced up at her and she smiled brightly.</p>
<p>"This isn't too convincing that you're an artist, y'know," Ruby shrugged.</p>
<p>"Yeah, I get that a lot, you'll just have to check out my site and see if you like it. For what it's worth, the card is linen, which I suppose appeals to the more observant of prospective clients." James raised his eyebrows and snorted,</p>
<p>"Damn, Will she very much stuck it to you."</p>
<p>"Ah well shite, looks like I'll be going on to see what you're all about then, eh? That website better not be in too many shambles or you'll be losing your most sought after client thus far, mate."</p>
<p>"Right."</p>
<p>They chatted for a few more minutes, and then Taj and Audre expressed their need to head out.</p>
<p>"We've both got stuff to grade," Audre said. She reached out to shake James' hand, "but we usually meet here a couple times a month, you seem like a decent bloke who knows his material. We're finishing this up and starting in on The Great Gatsby— we'll be tearing that one to shreds, I'm sure. Join us if you like? Ruby loves handing out her card, so I'm sure she can give you her number and we could connect." James agreed, it sounded like fun, and Taj and Audre left, covering their heads as they walked out to the cafe door and out into the rain.</p>
<p>"Well," Ruby sipped at her still-full coffee mug, and grimaced when it was lukewarm, "I was anticipating having a bit more caffeine to tide me over for the rest of my night. Mind if I hang around with the two of you for a bit?" Ruby glanced at James and Will, and Will nodded quickly.</p>
<p>"Yeah, actually, if you're actually the designer you claim to be I ought to have a chat with you. I've been complaining about this shite for a while now and it's just my luck to find exactly what I'm looking for while I'm out around London." Ruby pulled her chair in a little closer to their table and started asking Will more about what he was interested in.</p>
<p>"Is it a personal project or are you a clothing designer, or something else?"</p>
<p>"I'm actually, uh, a youtuber. It's quite the job, and uh you can imagine how restless teen girls get when they haven't blown some money on their internet celebrity crush, eh?" Ruby smiled at Will, and he rested his elbow on the back of his chair so he could turn more towards her.</p>
<p>"oh, okay, so you're looking for something that screams I'm a virgin? Or I-have-pent-up-sexual-tension-for-a-stranger? Or maybe something more appropriate for mom to buy as a Christmas gift?" Will pretended to look very thoughtful while considering the options, but James took the moment to interrupt:</p>
<p>"His audience will need something more along the lines of 'please bully me for buying merch from this loser.'"</p>
<p>Ruby pulled out her laptop and opened it up. "Noted." As she navigated to her website, she asked Will about his youtube channel. He explained that he and James both did lighthearted commentary videos.</p>
<p>"Just for fun, it's nothing too serious."</p>
<p>"I mean, if you're making t-shirts I'd say it's serious— well, that or you're full of yourself," Ruby replied. Will shrugged.</p>
<p>"Eh, I'll give you my card if you like, but you'll have to go home and look me up to know anything about me."</p>
<p>They spent several minutes scrolling through Ruby's portfolio, and James even closed his laptop for a bit to pay attention to her work. It was gorgeous. Ruby had never been one to brag, but her vast repertoire alone did it for her and even she was proud to, on occasion, tell people about some of the brands she'd worked with.</p>
<p>"Glossier? Really? They're pretty big, my girlfriend uses some of their products," James pointed out as she scrolled by. "You worked with them?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, that was a lot of fun. I was featured as a local designer, and I got to shoot like, a little bit of a campaign with them. It was super fun. I helped re-launch their blush line and a new skincare product that I really loved," she clicked into a different page on the sight and brought up a post titled The No Makeup Look Is Closer Than You Think. Ruby scrolled through a few editorial photos of herself that had been shot at Glossier's L.A. Headquarters, and then a couple candid shots of her in her bathroom at home in London.</p>
<p>"This is a set, eh? Your flat doesn't actually have a bathroom like that now, does it?" Will asked, pointing to a wide-angle shot that showed Ruby leaning on the counter of a large vanity, and a clawfoot tub in the middle of dark hardwood floors, and an eclectic Persian run under her feet. There were two large windows on the back wall behind the tub. It looked expensive, especially for London.</p>
<p>"Yeah actually, I got really lucky with my flat. One of my professors was moving her mom into a home at the same time as I was starting to look for a permanent place to live in London, and they didn't want to sell it off to someone who would gut it. I offered to rent, and they basically had me moved in there before her mom was out. It's beautiful, I love it more than anything."</p>
<p>"That's a right steal, they gave you a good price too?" Ruby nodded.</p>
<p>"Yeah, for London I think it might actually constitute as robbery to have gotten such a price on a place like it." They spent a good twenty more minutes going over the design process, and talking about what Will was looking for. They decided to put a pin on it, Ruby didn't want to pressure him into anything and wanted to give him a chance to think about it. Will hurried to assure her there was no rush at all.</p>
<p>"I'm basically ready to cut a check, I just need to know where to sign, I'd love to work with ya if you've got the time and you're okay havin your name attached to something like a shit youtube channel," Will laughed and pulled out his phone, "Could I uh, could I get your number and we could definitely do this again? I mean uh, the talking about designs and such. I mean we could also get coffee if you—" Ruby's phone began to ring, and she glanced at the caller ID.</p>
<p>"Oh, um, I'm so sorry it's my boyfriend. Sorry, I've just," she slid across the screen to answer the call, "One moment sorry I've gotta take this... Hey love, what's up?" Ruby listened to Jake's voice on the other end of the line, and felt her foot wiggling as she wished he'd hurry up. He wanted to know what she wanted for dinner, since she'd told him that she was tired of cooking every time he came over. He was going to order take away. She let out a short puff of air from her nose and tried not to be short with him while in front of a potential client.</p>
<p>"Just, um, just get whatever. I don't really care." Jake asked if she was sure, since she usually didn't like what he brought home, and she repeated that she didn't care. "I'm in a meeting right now, I don't have time to talk, maybe we can decide when I get home." Jake shot her a snarky reply.</p>
<p>"Well you alway seem to care what I get after I order it, so I thought I'd let you give some input before this time." She shot an apologetic smile toward Will, embarrassed that Jake was trying to start something after she'd said she was in a meeting, of all times.</p>
<p>"I appreciate that, babe, you can order something or you can wait until I get home, I don't care." Jake muttered something else, but Ruby just gave him a quick love you, bye, and hung up. "Sorry about that," she said, continuing to pack up her bag. "I told my boyfriend I didn't want to cook dinner tonight, and he wants to get takeout."</p>
<p>"Ah, love me a good takeout every once in a while," Will commented and James laughed.</p>
<p>"Once in a while? I don't remember the last time Will ate something that didn't come in a box." Ruby laughed at Will trying to stutter out an excuse. As she stood up, Will did the same, awkward and abrupt, and she was face to face with him. They looked at each other for a moment and Ruby laughed nervously, stuck in between Will and the walkway.</p>
<p>"Oh, uh pardon, sorry, let me just, ah—" he shuffled around and let her out. "Could I, uh, grab your number? Just so we could y'know, finish this stuff up and all?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, if you didn't already lose my card, it's on there." Ruby smiled at him. "It's my cell." Will snapped and patted his pocket.</p>
<p>"Ah, yes, that would make plenty 'a sense." Ruby walked toward the exit. "Right then, bye, we'll be chattin?"</p>
<p>Ruby laughed as she pulled the hood of her yellow raincoat over her head. "Yeah, we'll be chatting." She left with a smile, and didn't even mind as rain pummeled on her face while she walked to the tube.</p>
<p>Back in the cafe, James looked at Will as he sat down.</p>
<p>"Man," he started, "What the fuck was that? Have you never spoken to a woman before?" Will put his forehead in his hand and looked anywhere but his friend sitting across from him.</p>
<p>"Fuck off, don't know what you're talking about."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The apartment smelled like Chinese food when Ruby got home. She had initially been frustrated, wishing that Jake would offer to cook her dinner for once, but by the time she'd walked back to her apartment in the frigid rain, warm, well-cooked Chinese food was sounding much better than whatever Jake's halfhearted attempt at a meal would've been.</p><p>"Hey babe, you're lookin right soaked. Wanna grab a shower?" Jake said, taking in the sight of her entering the apartment.</p><p>"I'm just going to change, I'm crazy hungry."</p><p>She ran into her room and changed into some dry clothes, and layered on an extra sweater and tied up her very frizzy hair. Jake came in after a few moments and looped an arm around her waist.</p><p>"You look hot, y'know. 'specially coming in from that mess." He nodded to the window, where it was still pouring rain outside. Ruby laughed, knowing full well she wasn't looking particularly attractive.</p><p>"Stop it," she teased, "I need to eat food and you've reeled me in with your take out antics once more." Jake smirked and gave her a kiss before they walked back into the kitchen, where a few takeout boxes were scattered on the counter.</p><p>"New client then, yeah? You had a meeting today?" Ruby was in the middle of shoveling noodles in her mouth, and she nodded awkwardly, still chewing.</p><p>"I um, yeah," she swallowed. "It was a little last minute, but yeah."</p><p>"You'll be working more." Jake said.</p><p>"Well, I'm sure it won't be much more than I'm already working," Ruby said.</p><p>"I'm just sayin, Rubs, you already work a helluva lot as is. You sure you want to be takin on more clients right now?" Ruby's workload had increasingly become a point of tension in their relationship, and in the recent months Jake hadn't tried to hide that he was frustrated. "All you do now is sit at your desk with your nose in your computer, or you're off in meetings. Or you're with your friends."</p><p>"Don't start this Jake, we've already had this conversation." Jake shook his head.</p><p>"I'm not trying to start anything, love," he stepped in closer, and his voice was more sympathetic. "You're working yourself to the bone right now, that's all. I miss spendin time with you and fucking around town and just having fun." Ruby put down her food.</p><p>"It just doesn't feel like that's your problem. It feels like you're mad at me for working so much. I have boundaries for myself, and I know how to turn down projects I don't have time or space to take on." After a little overnight stint in the hospital last summer due to stress and lack of sleep, Ruby was forced to learn the art of saying no very quickly, and how to lay boundaries and create proper expectations with her clients. Jake had been the one to sit there with her while the doctor reviewed her symptoms and determined that, for lack of a better explanation, she was overworking herself. Jake had been the one to watch her lose twenty pounds in just a couple months when she was working on three different brand campaigns and a collaboration with a local nonprofit. She knew he was just worried about her.</p><p>"Ruby babe, you know where I'm coming from. I just want you to be alright, and I want you to be my little carefree hippie again. You're turning into that bitchy CEO lass from Devil Wears Prada," Jake leaned in to plant a few kisses on her neck as he joked. Ruby laughed and tried to pull away from his ticklish lips. "If you're going to be any Meryl Streep character I want you to be the lady from that one musical, the one with all the ABBA songs... y'know?" Jake started humming the first few notes from Mamma Mia, and added a bit of air guitar to bring it all home. Ruby laughed.</p><p>"Haha, very funny, I can only hope to have the range that Meryl Streep has." she gave Jake just enough of a smile to let him know that she wasn't upset with him, and he gave her one last kiss before pulling himself up to sit on the counter. She leaned in the other corner and gave him a once over. He was a sturdily built guy, big and tall enough that Ruby didn't feel abnormally large at five ten, but not tall enough that she had to stand on her tip toes to reach him for a kiss. For a brief second she considered how she'd had to look up to make eye contact with the guy from the coffee shop, Will. She shook away the thought, height doesn't make someone more attractive, she thought to herself. Jake was tucked into some fried rice, not paying her much mind, and she blinked a few times, trying to gather her thoughts, because somehow she'd skipped straight to whether or not she found this stranger more attractive than her own boyfriend. That caught her off guard.</p><p>Jake stayed for a couple hours to watch a few episodes of bad television before apologetically letting Ruby know he had to get going.</p><p>"I've got an early morning tomorrow on the other side of town, you're not the only one here with places to be." They walked to the door of her flat together, and Jake pulled her in for a long, sweet kiss. "Love you, Rubs. I'll see you soon. Maybe you can come round to my place this weekend for a change?" Ruby nodded. They lived on opposite sides of town because of work, and it often made coordinating their weekday schedules difficult, but truthfully Ruby preferred it that way. She liked having the room to breathe and work without someone constantly nearby.</p><p>"Sounds like a plan," she said to him, "I love you."</p><p>Ruby took a long, hot shower and finally felt the day melt off of her. She had just wrapped a project with a local jewelry company that had been a couple months in the process. Work had admittedly been consuming her again, but she'd vowed to take a week off once she had completed everything else left to do, so she could recuperate and sort out the upcoming season. Her haphazard book club with Taj and Audre, and her date nights and occasional weekend stays with Jake were the only times she ever really saw anyone. She mostly spent her days sitting at her desk, or taking up residence in the corner at Esters, the only cafe she frequented. Now, as she dried her hair, she considered the possible new project she would have on her plate, on top of everything else.</p><p>Will's face immediately popped into her head and she felt a rush of curiosity to know who this guy was. He'd mentioned Youtube. She wasn't very active on the platform as a user or a creator, though she'd been asked to be a part of a few videos in the past, so this would be a first for her— she'd never designed anything for a Youtuber before. Of course, like Will had mentioned, having her name attached to something like that had drawbacks. Ruby pulled on a pair of underwear and then walked to her closet for some pajamas, before crawling in bed and opening up her laptop to do some light research on this mystery client.</p><p>She hovered over the keyboard and watched the cursor blinking in the youtube search bar, and realized that she didn't know anything about him other than his first name. She went back to her search engine and decided to start with something more surface level.</p><p>Will british youtuber. Search.</p><p>Nothing popped up, so Ruby clicked in the images tab. Her heart picked up as she recognized the first picture as the guy she'd just met. She clicked on the image, which led to an article that seemed to discuss one of his videos, but she found exactly what she'd needed, his screen name, and went back to Youtube.</p><p>WillNE. Search.</p><p>There he was. She clicked on his page, and immediately realized he wasn't just a random youtuber, he had a subscriber count in the millions. Scrolling through his home page, it seemed like he focused on commentary and comedy. Ruby decided she might as well watch his most recent video, titled i found my old camera roll. It opened with a very enthusiastic version of the Will she'd just met. A few seconds in, she realized James, the other person who had been at the coffee shop, was in the video as well. She watched the whole video, and while it wasn't incredibly interesting, she was captivated by his personality.</p><p>After watching a few more videos, she looked around for her phone to start more research on other social media platforms. The screen lit up at the end of her bed, and she grabbed it. There was a message from an unknown number. She opened it,</p><p>oi, its Will Lenney, from earlier. still interested in designing a shirt for a shite youtuber?</p><p>She smiled, it was interesting watching this person through the filter of a youtube video, and realizing that he had, in this moment, just taken the time to send her a text message. His internet fame didn't necessarily shock her, she'd worked with plenty of creators and brands that had plenty more followers than that... but she usually didn't bump into those people on accident in a coffee shop. She opened her phone and replied.</p><p>glad you didn't lose my card lol</p><p>im interested! that's subject to change, but I don't know that it will.</p><p>Ruby felt her heart fluttering more as she sent that second text, it was teasing and bordering on unprofessional, the latter of which she never strayed from. She shook her head, it was almost midnight. She had boundaries around business hours and interacting with clients. The city was still awake outside her window, but it was time for her to get some rest, she could chat with Will tomorrow and start working on his design. It wouldn't be too much work if he only needed a single shirt. Ruby's phone buzzed when she plugged it in, and then again a moment after she set it on her nightstand.</p><p>Hopefully it doesnt, was quite looking forward to talking again. She picked up her phone and read the message, and quickly turned her phone, ignoring the warm, anxious feeling creeping up from her stomach and turning her cheeks bright red in the dark quiet of her own bedroom.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A week had passed, and Ruby had shaken whatever feeling had come over her the first night she'd met Will. They had exchanged polite, business casual conversation over text, with Will insisting that he wanted to follow through and work together. Ruby had let him know that she didn't want him to feel forced into hiring her, he didn't feel that way, and that her style wasn't the same as some other popular designers that worked with Youtubers more often.</p><p>Still, he insisted</p><p>They'd chosen a time to meet up once more for coffee, and go over the ideas Ruby had drafted. In the past she'd mostly designed things to appeal to a more feminine perspective, which showed through quite plainly in her portfolio. Shifting focus to appeal to a male-dominated audience was a new challenge, and something she couldn't remember ever getting the chance to do. Given, she hadn't ever sought such a project out, but still.</p><p>When the day arrived to head back to Esters and talk business, Ruby awoke feeling like a pit had opened up in her chest. It was only Tuesday and she'd purposely made sure that there was nothing urgent for her to get done today, so she didn't know where the sensation of anxiety was coming from. She got out of bed and flipped open her planner, looking at the space where she'd written out their meeting. Will. 11:30am. Esters. She then glanced at the clock on her nightstand, and the white numbers read 7:42am. Her alarm had been set for half past eight, so why she was up this early was beyond her. Since anxiousness had reared its ugly head she accepted that there was no going back to sleep, and instead shuffled out of her room to start some coffee.</p><p>Around nine, her phone went off on the desk beside her, and she looked up from her computer to see Will Lenney on her screen.</p><p>we still on for today? It read.</p><p>yes! As long as you are lol</p><p>she sent the message and scrolled back up to the one he'd sent her the night they met. She had been paranoid about coming across as flirty, but rereading through everything she'd sent, there was barely any personality in her messages.</p><p>Ruby snapped her attention away from her phone and reminded herself that she was reading too deeply into the way she was texting a client for goodness sake. Her phone buzzed again. Jake had texted her.</p><p>Whole weekend doesn't feel like enough anymore. Miss u.</p><p>She smiled and replied. It flies by, huh? We'll see each other soon. Miss you too.</p><p>It wasn't that Ruby didn't want to see Jake more often, but the weekends they spent together were starting to feel a little claustrophobic, and she didn't know how to tell Jake that she was okay having her own space. Hurting Jake's feelings would only give him more reason to coddle and watch over her, something he'd been doing more often since starting his very mature, adult job as the assistant director of the finance department at the company he worked for.</p><p>Ruby had always appreciated that Jake was savvy with finances, and still a natural charmer, but since last summer she'd been feeling less of that charm and more of a hounding presence, rife with unnecessary concern and worry, only quelled by Ruby's presence and attention. Not without reason, of course, Jake was the only one who truly knew the extent to which Ruby had suffered when taking on too much for herself to handle.</p><p>A few nights before she had collapsed, he'd sat her down to ask if she was okay. She had lost a lot of weight recently, and he wanted to be sure she wasn't starving herself</p><p>"or developing any... you know, issues." Jake sat awkwardly with his hands in his lap.</p><p>"Issues? You mean like," Ruby paused to take in the awkward, but nonetheless concerned look on Jake's face. "No. Eating problems? Really? Trust me, I'm fine. I just haven't had a lot of time to spend cooking, but I'm almost done with these projects and then I'll be fine again." Ruby insisted.</p><p>Three days later she was being looked down at by a concerned nurse.</p><p>"Miss Francis, do you have a history of eating disorders or other weight related issues?" She had asked. Ruby shook her head, and her eyes took an extra second to catch up. She felt nauseous. "Are you sure?" She nodded, but the nurse didn't look convinced. "The doctor will be in to check on you shortly, can I call anyone for you?"</p><p>"Jake McDonnell," She mumbled, "my boyfriend." The nurse nodded and left the room.</p><p>Jake showed up as the doctor was looking over Ruby's charts, asking various questions about her eating habits and mental health. He shook his head and turned to the nurse.</p><p>"I don't think this is an ED." He said. Ruby, who had been placed on an IV, was more alert than she had been when she arrived at the hospital.</p><p>"I don't have an eating disorder, I've never ever dealt with something like that, I think I would know if I did." She added, but the nurse didn't look convinced. Jake was standing, still confused, in the middle of the room.</p><p>"What happened?" He finally asked.</p><p>"Miss Francis here collapsed on the sidewalk due to incredibly low blood sugar. May I ask you if you've ever seen her experience something like this?" The doctor asked.</p><p>"No, uh... no?" Jake responded tentatively, looking at Ruby's tired, lanky frame sat up in the hospital bed. The doctor looked at Jake, still dressed in his business suit for work, and then back to Ruby, in loose-fitting jeans and a sweater.</p><p>"Alright then, well. Looking over your chart, the only thing I could conclusively say is that you're not taking care of yourself properly. I'm not here to try and pin an inaccurate diagnosis on you, and if you were a thirty-seven year old man coming in with the same vitals and symptoms, I'd say it's overworking yourself, and too much stress." He concluded, snapping the chart shut. "I advise you to go home and get some rest, and not the type of rest where you work while sitting in bed instead of working at a desk. You hear?"</p><p>Ruby nodded and let the nurse remove her IV while Jake waited in the bedside chair to take her home. The nurse handed her a snack bar and some juice, and went to get her discharge paperwork.</p><p>"You collapsed?" Jake said when they were finally alone, looking at Ruby in disbelief. "Just, on the sidewalk? What the hell, are you okay?"</p><p>"I'm fine, it wasn't as bad as they're making it out to be. I was literally right by the hospital." She explained, feeling more embarrassed than anything. "It really wasn't anything, I haven't been outside much the past few weeks, so I forgot it had been getting so warm. I was just overdressed and dehydrated. I'm way better now, they pumped me with some electrolytes and I'm as good as new."</p><p>Now it was his turn to look unconvinced. Jake let it go for a bit and had taken her home, insisting on calling out of work the next day to help her get sorted and keep her company while she got some much needed rest. When he'd finally agreed to give her some space to sleep without feeling like she was being watched, he gave her a kiss and walked out the door, but not before "You need to be better about putting yourself first, you can't keep going like this."</p><p>It was almost eleven now, and Ruby was getting ready to leave for Esters. She put on a swipe of lipstick and gathered her favorite work bag, a beautiful, brown, leather crossbody laptop bag that fit her laptop, prints, and anything else she ever needed when sitting down to go over design options with her clients. It had been a graduation gift from Jake, and she was always reminded of his thoughtfulness and good taste when she took it out.</p><p>Today, she swung it over her shoulder and took a long hard look at herself in the mirror. She was wearing her favorite dress and pair of clogs, but it felt awkward and clunky. She put the bag down and pulled on her coat, then tried the bag again. It still didn't feel right. The dress could come off as too casual, or people might think she was on a date. She couldn't remember the last time she had a one on one client meeting with a man, and furthermore a man who wasn't a particularly old CEO or business owner.</p><p>"Fucking hell dude, just wear the damn dress." She curtly told off her reflection, and donned her bag once more as she headed for the door. It was just a client meeting. She had no reason to be so wound up about everything.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Will had arrived early. Very early. He'd been in Esters for almost two hours by the time his meeting with Ruby was supposed to start, switching between trying to get work done on his laptop and trying to distract himself from work, and the anticipation of the meeting he hadn't been able to stop thinking about.</p><p>He took a deep breath. It was just exciting to be finally designing some new merch. He hadn't switched things up in quite some time because he'd been struggling to find a decent designer, and it was just his luck that a very lovely one had conveniently happened to stumble into his life.</p><p>James had stopped by his flat a few days after their initial introduction to Ruby and her friends, and invited himself in. Will managed to keep the conversation to lighthearted jokes for a few minutes, but James was quick to cut to the point.</p><p>"Is Maria here?" He asked, looking around.</p><p>"No, actually. She's not been around for a few days. Work and such on her end, and I've been mad busy." Will explained, leaning his forearms on the counter with a beer in his hands. James nodded thoughtfully. There were a few moments of silence before James spoke up again.</p><p>"Excuse my forwardness," He started, "but are things going alright for you two?"</p><p>Will shrugged, taking a sip of his beer. "I mean, it's not not going alright, I suppose. We've been on each other a bit lately, so she's just taking a quick breather. Got her own thing too."</p><p>"It just seems like that's been more... normal lately, you know, than it has been in the last few months. Don't take it the wrong way—" James added before Will could begin speaking, "I just think you've put a lot of pressure on yourself to make things work, you know, since people are already talking and you've got a lot of internet people on your case."</p><p>Will scoffed. "Oi, I'm not worrying about what those twats are conspiring about online, right? We haven't even been dating that long. It's just been mostly casual anyway, we're not set on anything now." James didn't comment on that, but Will could tell he wasn't going to let it go. "What're you even on about anyway, you've come round for something? We don't have anything to film here for a bit."</p><p>James nodded, "I just wanted to see uh, how your potential merch design was coming along." Will flushed as the thought of his upcoming meeting with Ruby immediately came to the forefront his mind. He'd tried not to think about it much, but it was like an always-open internet tab, sitting in the background waiting to be clicked on.</p><p>"Right yeah, sure, very well actually." He said after another beat of silence, "meeting with uh, with that gal tomorrow back at Esters to go over some things and uh, you know, look at some stuff." He cringed at the choppy words that left his mouth, falling over each other like they were trying to hide something.</p><p>"You're meeting up with Ruby tomorrow?" James clarified.</p><p>"Yep, Ruby, that's the one. Good at what she does, eh? I'm quite excited to work with her, she's got an eye for this stuff."</p><p>"Yeah, I suppose, if your target audience was young women, and you were selling lipstick."</p><p>"Oi, and what's that supposed to mean?"</p><p>James shrugged. "I'm just saying that Ruby is a bloody good designer, but she doesn't usually work with clients who cater toward your demographic. So you know, maybe her design won't resonate with your audience." Poignant.</p><p>"Way to lay that out on the table then, mate." Will mumbled. He didn't know how to respond, mostly because James had a good point, and it happened to be the same one that he'd been considering since the first time he looked at Ruby's portfolio. He was just sure that she would come up with something really great for him, despite not having a big repertoire in appealing to young men. She'd given him the option to back out, but Will was confident that she would be more than capable.</p><p>"I'm not trying to stir the pot, don't take that the wrong way. I just wanted to check in and see if anything came of it." James said. Will reasoned with himself, he was getting defensive over... over what? Over hiring a talented person to complete a job he needed done? He acknowledged that this person was a very decent looking girl, but shook away the thought. So long as the job got done, he would've hired anyone.</p><p>"You're just... you're on about something else, mate," Will finally said.</p><p>"Alright, I'm not technically taking an issue with any of it. Just, you know, wanted to know what came of it. She was very nice." He looked over at Will for a moment, and Will could tell he was debating saying more.</p><p>"Right then, just spit it out already."</p><p>"Well," James continued hesitantly, "I just don't know that I'm in the place to say anything like this. But I've not seen you act like that in front of a woman."</p><p>"Like what?" Will truly didn't understand. He'd been totally polite and if anything, more reserved than normal.</p><p>"Like, I don't know... I don't know," James conceded, "maybe I just read too much into it." He got up to grab a beer for himself, and Will followed him with his eyes. "You're just..." James stood staring into the fridge. "I just want what's best for you mate, and if that's a, um, I don't know, a new design for a t-shirt and a new designer to work with, so be it. I just hope she's everything you want her to be."</p><p>Will stood there, not sure how to respond. "Uh, well, thanks mate. Means a lot."</p><p>It was almost eleven thirty now, and Will caught sight of Ruby through the cafe window. She walked up to the door, but then he watched her pause, turn around, and walk to the edge of the sidewalk for a moment before coming back to open the door. She was just nervous. No, there was no reason for her to be nervous, Will reeled in his pride and considered how he ranked compared to her other clients.</p><p>She'd worked with more important people before. It was just a meeting.</p><p>It wasn't anything for her to be nervous about.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Each step that hit the pavement made her heart beat faster. Ruby was sure her stomach was trying to crawl up her throat and eject itself from her body, and if not that, then at least get rid of its contents. Halfway there, she'd stopped on the corner of the street to take a few deep breaths and will herself to regain control of her body. It wasn't too late to cancel, but she wasn't sure that would help much at this point. Plus it was definitely too late to cancel politely, it was only twelve minutes to eleven thirty.</p><p>With a few extra minutes to spare, Ruby arrived at the door.</p><p>"I'm going crazy," she mumbled, turning on her heel and walking to the edge of the sidewalk. London was racing, always alive and moving and busy, and she watched the cars and taxis drive past.</p><p>She breathed in with the sound of tires on the pavement.</p><p>She breathed out with the sound of the wind blowing by, soft and smooth and unbothered by the cars and skyscrapers and the girl who felt like she was going to vomit on all of it.</p><p>Breathe in, breathe out. She was good at her job, a new challenge wasn't going to be the end of it all, especially with it being such a one-off thing. It was a tee shirt, and when she was done, this big uncomfortable pit that had opened up in her chest would stitch itself back up and she could be on her merry way. She turned back to the door and went in to find the man she was here for.</p><p>.....,,</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the height of the performance for Ruby's stomach. She tried to focus on breathing as she walked through the door, wringing her very clammy hands together and immediately dreading the anticipated handshake.</p><p>She was conscious of the way her legs moved, her arms, how much her hair had been blown around. She ran her fingers through a few times and then, for good measure, once more. Her tongue could've been glued to the roof of her mouth. It was so dry.</p><p>And then, suddenly, it was over. As Will had stood up from his chair and sent a smile and wave toward her, the tension had lifted. She still felt a bit jittery, but she was there. He was there. She could breathe again. No one had thrown up. Everything was fine.</p><p>"Hey, happy to see you." She said. Will smiled at her.</p><p>"Right, you as well mate," He reached a hand out across the table, and Ruby grimaced as they connected. She tried her best to discreetly wipe her hand on her dress as she angled herself towards the front counter.</p><p>"You want a coffee?" She asked, as she glanced at the table to see an empty mug. "Or another one?"</p><p>"Sounds perfect," He responded, and walked out from his seat, grabbing the mug on the way. They walked to the counter together. Lisa, one of Ruby's favorite baristas, welcomed them in.</p><p>"You live here now or some'in?" She joked with Ruby, "I feel like I see you more than I see the family."</p><p>Ruby laughed and shrugged. "Well, someone's gotta work and pay my bills, and so far no one else has volunteered." Lisa punched an order into her register.</p><p>"Right you are love, you 'n me both then. You gettin' your regular?" Ruby nodded, and turned to Will.</p><p>"Yeah, that'd be perfect, Will? What could I get you?" Will waved her a way.</p><p>"Oh no, don't get started with any of that." He turned to Lisa, "I'll be getting the tab." Lisa gave Ruby a sideways glance.</p><p>"Yeh, alrigh'," Lisa said.</p><p>"No... no, You're not serious," Ruby interjected. "I buy you coffee, Will. I buy all my clients coffee. It's just, like... that's just what I do." She didn't know why she was fighting,  because that wasn't just something that she did. In fact, she usually obliged and allowed her clients to spot her bill, so long as they insisted. She didn't want them to feel pressure to sign a contract with her just because she'd paid for their coffee.</p><p>"Ah, client eh?" Lisa noted. "What've you got yourself into with my Rubs here then?" She was a gorgeous, outgoing woman whom Ruby adored. Whenever Ruby brought a client in to Esters when Lisa was working, she was amazing at breaking the ice and getting them laughing in a way Ruby could never do herself. Lisa told her she was too stressed all the time, and she needed to get a massage and go to a comedy show.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, er, shirt design. She's helping me with a new merchandise line for uh, an online shop. Pretty standard." Will explained, taking care to not mention a Youtube channel.</p><p>"That's right nice then, love this gal something else, she's mad talent."</p><p>"Aw stop it Lisa," Ruby said. "Will, please. Order a coffee, my treat-- it's really a pleasure."</p><p>"Ah fine, but I owe ya one, and I don't forget them I-owe-yous. Alright now?" Ruby conceded, mostly to appease Will enough to get him to order. Her breathing was normal again, and she was finding clarity in this decidedly immature interaction.</p><p>"I'll have what she's having, then," he told Lisa. Ruby raised an eyebrow, knowing that Will had no clue what she had ordered, but didn't comment. Lisa made brief eye contact but also kept her mouth shut, putting two mugs out on the counter and then letting Ruby know the total.</p><p>"Great, thanks girl." She paid for their drinks, and Will followed her to the end of the bar, where they stood to wait. Ruby wasn't sure what to say, was Will expecting her to jump right into discussing the job? Or did he want to get to know her better and strike up a casual conversation? When meeting with other clients, she usually knew exactly where to start. They would chat about branding and favorite colors, gossip about new trends in design, favorite fonts. The people she usually met up with for coffee were always from the same crowd, hip and cool, effortlessly editorial, styled to perfection. They were her people. The man standing in front of her was none of that. He was all legs and arms and black jeans and hoodies. His audience was young men and teen boys, and his draw was stupid humor and making a fool of himself. He was, for all intents and purposes, a mystery to her.</p><p>"So, you alright then?" He asked, and she let out the breath she'd been holding and nodded.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah just trying to finish up that darn book so that we can move on to something less... superfluous." She squished up her nose. "That makes me sound like a dickhead, oh my goodness. I just, that's just the only word I can think of," Ruby laughed nervously.</p><p>"Superfluous," Will mused. "That's just like, a fancy way of saying 'extra', yeah? You usually use superfluous language," he made a fluttering hand gesture to exacerbate the emphasis, "when you're talking to us common folk who didn't go to uni with all of London's finest?" Ruby blushed.</p><p>"No," she said, "I don't want to sound like a, a posh Londoner. Just uh, don't usually talk literature outside of book club." She laughed nervously as every word that came out of her mouth made her sound more and more like the type of person she was trying to explain that she wasn't. Will caught on to that quickly.</p><p>"Wow, right then, way to isolate the client." She could tell he was joking, but still cringed at the thought of sounding so arrogant.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I really don't usually sound this... like, I don't know, up on my high horse," She tried to backtrack on her last several sentences, "What I'm trying to say is that no I'm not actually a dickhead, I promise." Her face was hot, and Will snorted. This was off to a terrible start. They stood in silence as two americanos were procured from behind the counter. As Ruby moved to grab hers, Will abruptly spoke.</p><p>"I know you're not a dickhead." He barely glanced her way, and said nothing else, leaving the space open. She tried to find somewhere else to take their conversation, she wasn't interested in having the focus on her. Will grabbed his own coffee, and then held an arm out to guide her back to their seat. He smiled at her on the way there.</p><p>"So, um, we talked about like, your main audience, and so I like, was wondering maybe what you focus on with your channel." Ruby started as they sat back down.</p><p>She, in fact, already knew what he focused on with his channel. She'd spent several hours of her free time over the last week binge-watching his youtube videos, scrolling back further than she would admit to anyone, listening to the cadence of his voice, his exaggerated movements, the way he laughed.</p><p>Once again, she considered how interesting it was to talk to the person she felt like had been around with her all week. While she was washing dishes or making dinner, he was propped up against her sugar canister talking about youtube drama, while she was brushing her teeth, he was on the bathroom counter laughing at posts on his own Reddit page. She'd even started propping her phone up on her nightstand so she could watch videos of him laughing with his friends before she fell asleep. His videos were a little bit repetitive, and one of the only things keeping them from feeling the same were the group of friends who would join him on occasion and open the door for some banter and poking-fun at one another, but she remained captivated by his personality.</p><p>Ruby wondered if this qualified her as obsessive. For what, though? Will had millions of followers on the internet, surely someone else out there was doing the same thing. Even if she did watch because she liked the way his eyes crinkled in the corner, and the incredulity in his voice when he saw people do stupid things, there was no way she was the only one watching it just to see him.</p><p>She just wanted to get a feel for her client's big selling point, so she knew what mattered to the audience. That's all.</p><p>"So, you mean you haven't watched any of my videos then? Not a fan?" Will asked her, and all of Ruby's swirling thoughts centered back in to where she was sitting across from him. She impulsively shook her head in defense, before realizing that it might not be the right way to go.</p><p>"No, I mean, I did um, go like google you if I'm being honest but I didn't like, watch very many videos." Liar. Ruby reminded herself that she was a professional. Like Will, she also had a work voice, although hers was not overly exaggerated and loud, it was warm and calm, and not easily swayed by her own feelings. "I did some light, uh, research," She gestured air quotes and felt a dash of confidence when Will chuckled at her joke. His humor wasn't completely lost on her, then, "and I poked around to see what your audience likes from you. When was the last time you had available merch?" Will squinted thoughtfully, and they sat quiet for a moment until he shrugged.</p><p>"I can't even remember. It was, at the very least, months ago... Yeah, no, it's been a while." He admitted. "But if it counts for anything, I've been thinking about it for a bit." Things finally felt a little more relaxed, as Ruby went into full work mode. She brought out the mock ups she'd been working on. She had several basic ideas for clothing branding, including t-shirts, hoodies, quarter zips, and baseball caps, and then had also brought along the idea for some smaller pieces, like enamel pins, prints, and a pair of sweatpants from a wholesale company that she particularly liked. Ruby hadn't been sure if Will would be interested in more than shirts and hoodies, so she hadn't spent much time developing the other ideas, and left them on her computer to show him last. He was happy with the shirt designs, and loved the idea of a quarter zip.</p><p>"I wear 'em all the time, y'know, so I'd love to have one with me own name plastered on it." They had started on opposite sides of the table, but they'd slowly drifted around, scooting their chairs in a little at a time as Ruby clicked through different PDFs, showed him the different colors she'd picked, and began pulling together everything that Will said he liked— which, to her surprise, was almost everything. She finally pulled up the enamel pin design, which she was incredibly proud of. It was a simple, color-blocked outline of Will, a little freeze-frame of his right, hello there face and hands. She had rendered it so he could see what it would look like when it was put together.</p><p>When he didn't say anything, Ruby turned to face him and when her knee bumped against his, she realized how close they'd moved toward each other since they sat down. She sharply inhaled. He was leaning in, staring at her computer, eyebrows crunched together, and completely silent. She didn't want to be rude, so she carefully moved her crossed legs to the opposite side of her chair, as far from Will's as she could get without being obvious, and then watched his face, waiting for him to voice his opinion. The silence with him felt big and heavy and full of anticipation.</p><p>Finally, he cracked a smile in her direction. "Bloody great. Really just, absolutely fantastic." He leaned back and threw an arm over the back of her chair. She froze, hyper aware of his proximity and the praise he'd given and the look on his face, and Will noticed what he had done and dropped his arm.</p><p>"Uh, wow— well, yeah. Thank you. I'm so glad you like it, really truly." She finally sputtered. "It's not a whole lot, but it offers a lower price point item, and if they uh, if you like offered free shipping you could make the free shipping applicable on orders over like, fifty dollars or something. I'm not great with price points, but I'm sure someone could like go over that with you when you know what wholesaler you want to work with." Will kept his hands folded in his lap now, but didn't make any attempt to move away from her.</p><p>"Right, right. Yeah, that sounds familiar but I've got to be honest I'm not sure what all 'at necessarily means."</p><p>"Well, if you'd like I could put you in contact with a guy I worked with a few months ago, he did all the ordering for a retreat I helped with and he's got some amazing contacts." Ruby pulled up her email and started to collect everything they'd gone over. "He's got lots of organic, natural options."</p><p>"Right, yeah I'm sure I immediately strike you as the organic, all-natural type a guy then." He said sarcastically. Ruby glanced over.</p><p>"What type of guy are you then?"</p><p>Will didn't look like he had anticipated any pushback, especially not such a personal question, but Ruby let it hang there. So he pushed right back.</p><p>"Depends. What type of guy d'you want me to be?" They made eye contact and it felt like electricity had run through her body. She knew her cheeks were beet red again, and even Will looked slightly flushed. She was the first to break eye contact.</p><p>"I want you to be the type of guy who gives me a paycheck." She stated, breaking eye contact and shutting her laptop. She flashed a smile so Will knew she was making a bit of a joke, and his relieved laugh relayed his appreciation.</p><p>"Well, it looks like I'm goin' a be that guy then," He said. "Just tell me where to sign. I've not been this stoked about merch... I don't know, possibly ever."</p><p>"Great, I'm glad. I was a little worried this would be, like, like, just not what you were into." She was excited, this was a new territory for her. "I'm happy you like it. Do you want me to reach out to Ellis and see if he's down to source some wholesale shirts and stuff? I'll put together a whole email and send you my contract, all the designs we went over today, and whatever else I think will be super useful while we're working together." This was the easy part, she gave her clients the same speech at the end of every meeting, when they inevitably jumped on board with her vision for them. Will was no different, and agreed to it all.</p><p>"Yeah, alright, that'd be perfect." He was genuinely excited. "Just let me know what else I need to do and who I need to talk to an all 'at. I'll be right on it once I get word from captain Ruby." He pretended to salute her, and she laughed at him, buckling her paperwork and laptop back into her saddlebag.</p><p>"Good, that's the type of attitude I'm looking for." She felt like she could breathe again, the exit was close and then their meeting at Esters would be over, and she could retreat to her apartment, where she could hide in her room and speak to this man over email, like professional people did, and not from the seat right next to him.</p><p>"I'm all yours, lass." They both stood up and she offered a hand.</p><p>"I'm excited to work together," she said. He shook her hand, sealing the deal.</p><p>"Makes two of us."</p><p>Ruby grabbed their mugs and returned them to the dish bin by the window, and then waved goodbye to Lisa before letting Will open the door and release her back to freedom. At least, that's what it felt like to be done with her meeting.</p><p>Will was pulling his hood up over the hat he already had on to shelter himself from the blustery wind and rain that stood between him and his car, when he asked Ruby, "You got a ride called or did you drive yourself?" She shook her head.</p><p>"Oh, no I walked here. My apartment isn't super far away."</p><p>Will held up his keys. "You got a ride now, mate."</p><p>"It's really okay, I'm actually really used to walking in it," she started. She didn't know how she was supposed to sit in a car with this guy, especially when she had already prepared herself for the fresh air and calming walk home.</p><p>"Don't even start with me now, no way I'm gonna let a lady like you walk herself home when it's raining like this." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and squeezed her playfully. "Plus I love the chance to show of the Porsche."</p><p>"Are you serious?" She was more concerned about getting further away from Will, because she could smell his cologne and deodorant and didn't want to think about how much she was aware of it. He looked down at her, and nodded.</p><p>"Yeah mate, dead serious unfortunately. It's my one claim to fame and stardom." He finally let go, but then dropped a hand to her back, inviting. "You'll love it, I promise. You ever been in one before?"</p><p>"Well, no—"</p><p>"Then you got no excuses lass, come on." She followed Will as he trotted around the corner to a small car park, and walked to the fanciest vehicle there. "Here she is!" He grandly gestured at what Ruby had to assume was a very nice, shiny Porsche.</p><p>"It's really... shiny." She told him as he unlocked the doors.</p><p>"Oi, fuck off with that. It's a Porsche and all you have to say is that it's shiny?" He exclaimed. "She's fucking beautiful, mate. That's the least you've gotta say when someone shows you their Porsche."</p><p>"I'm sorry, it-it is really beautiful, I didn't mean that any way, I just thought you know, shiny cars are always nice." She tried explaining. "I thought maybe it was like waxed or something?" Ruby didn't know anything about cars and floundered around, wondering what else she could say to not hurt his feelings.</p><p>"Rubs, lass, of course it's got a wax." He looked dumbfounded, but shook his head and sighed. "Sheesh mate, what am I gonna do with you. You beg me to take you home," Ruby rolled her eyes, "and then the first thing you do is insult me car? Can't have anything round here."</p><p>"Might I remind you that you insisted and you were the one excited about the Porsche."</p><p>"Don't try and make excuses for yourself now, young lady," He continued as they shut their doors. "I can see right through you."</p><p>Ruby very much hoped that he couldn't.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>-</p><p>Author's note: I'm American. I don't know anything about the UK, not even London. Trying my best to be accurate about things that matter, but don't want anyone coming for me.</p><p>Also, anyone want a playlist? I feel like making one.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. chapter five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish Wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.</p><p>-Molly's Soliloquy, Ulysses</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Bzz. Bzz-zz. Ruby's phone was lit up again, and she finally grabbed it.</p><p>Book club pushed to six. I need to pick up a prescription</p><p>                                                              Sounds great, is James actually coming?</p><p>James, Will's friend, had texted her the day before she and Will met for their meeting, to see if the invitation for their book club was legit. After checking with Taj and Audre, who were surprised that he was actually interested, they agreed that he was welcome to come, so long as he was prepared. She opened the group chat and let them know that James said that he'd be there, so to assume that he was serious.</p><p>Her clock read ten in the morning, and Ruby jotted down a to-do list for herself to finish before she left tonight. Laundry was piled up to her hip in the closet, and the dishes weren't looking much better, so she closed her laptop and begrudgingly started walking around her flat, picking up socks and t-shirts that had migrated away from the pile she needed to tackle. She put in one AirPod and fired up the Youtube app— as had become a habit since the first night after she'd met him— and found an old video from Will to watch while she sorted colors and whites, and got them ready for the washing machine.</p><p>More than a week had passed since their meeting, and Ruby acknowledged that distance was best for her. Being around him stressed her out, it made her feel on edge. She couldn't put her finger on it, but after watching so many of his videos she was beginning to think that maybe his sense of humor was too crass and on the nose to handle in person. He'd surely toned himself down at their meeting, but he enjoyed having the spotlight pushed onto him. She, on the other hand, did not enjoy strangers poking fun at her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was getting late, and Ruby was hurrying to get dressed and run out the door, snatching her copy of Ulysses off the end table as she pulled on a pair of jeans that she realized, were too big. She didn't have time to find her other pair, so just grabbed a belt and started shoving things into her bag, cinching her pants to her waist as she walked out the door.</p><p>Ruby sat down next to Audre with five minutes to spare, and gave her shoulder a squeeze.</p><p>"Is Taj running late?" She asked.</p><p>"Well, technically no," Audre said, "he's got a couple minutes, but I wouldn't mind giving him grief since he's always up in my arse when I arrive last minute... and I'm the one who had something to do today!" She shrugged. "Some people, I tell ya."</p><p>"Yeah, and no James either? I really thought he'd be down, he seemed like he was interested in it, and had some opinions on Mr. James Joyce, here." They both pulled out their copies and Audre pulled out a notepad that looked like she'd shoved a personal transcript of the text onto one page. When the door opened, they both turned to see Taj walking through the door, and gave him a wave.</p><p>"You'll never guess who I found!" He called over to them, and Ruby watched as James and Will shuffled in behind him.</p><p>Will?</p><p>"Oi, good to see you two! James, we thought you were right joking there. Then to bring your mate round with ya, I stand doubly correct." Audre was standing up to greet everyone and let them fill in the other side of the table, and Ruby followed suit, mind in a panic as she tried to sort out why Will was here, and what was going on.</p><p>"Ruby, nice to be seein ya," He said to her.</p><p>"You- do you... do you read?" She spluttered out. She could her own heartbeat, and it was drowning out every other interaction. She saw Will smile and say something, but she couldn't make any sense of the sounds coming from his mouth. Instead of trying to join in the conversation, she mumbled something about tea and grabbed for her bag.</p><p>Lisa was leaned up against the counter watching her approach, and Ruby felt a deep sigh of relief involuntarily exit her body.</p><p>"Mate, what in the good Lord's name is that man tryin at?" She asked, glancing over Ruby's shoulder to where her friends were all still chatting. "If he's tryna stalk you or somethin fishy, you just blink twice, a'right?"</p><p>"I don't even know what's going on," Ruby said. "We met up for coffee because he wanted to hire me, then he wanted to like drive me home, and I said yes and I never thought we'd see each other face to face again because like it's just not that big of a project," she started blurting everything out, she hadn't spoken to anything about her interactions with Will up until this point, "and now this? I don't know what's going on, I feel like I'm doing everything I can to avoid him and he just keeps appearing." She pinched the bridge of her nose, and glanced behind her.</p><p>Like he had been called, Will turned at the same time and gave her a small smile. She whipped her head back around and raised her eyebrows at Lisa. "See?" She whispered. Lisa crossed her arms and gave her a very serious look.</p><p>"Ruby, you tellin me you really don't know what's going on?" She asked. Ruby just stared at her. "Love, that boy can't keep his eyes off ya, he's sat right there by your side at your book club, and I bet all the money in the world he don't have a clue what you'll be talking about."</p><p>"Do you think he's actually like, stalking me?" Ruby asked tentatively. Lisa rolled her eyes and exasperatedly waved her hands at Ruby.</p><p>"You've gotta be the thickest fucking person in here, mate. He's got his eye on you, he wants you. You know, like that."</p><p>"Lisa," She hissed, "No he does not. You think he- no, no he does not." Lisa looked past her and her face morphed from disbelief at Ruby to hi-how-may-I-help-you.</p><p>"You just getting a tea, gal?" The shift in her voice was enough to cue Ruby into the idea that she needed to stop talking, and she felt someone approaching behind her.</p><p>"Right lass, you gettin something to drink?" Will sounded cheery and excited, and then spoke to Lisa, "I'll have what she's havin'" and once again, he blindly chose to follow her lead. Ruby was still caught up on what Lisa was saying just moments before, and so the barista chose to direct her conversation to Will until Ruby had caught herself back up.</p><p>"Mate, you paying for her order this time?" She teased, picking up a second mug in order to make two. "And do you ever order for yourself?" Will shifted on his feet, but kept it lighthearted.</p><p>"Well y'know, I did say I don't forget I-owe-you's now, didn't I?" He gently bumped into Ruby, who was still standing with her hands resting on the counter, and who felt like her brain was exiting her body.</p><p>"I believe you did, so you better pay up now mate," Lisa kept talking, and for that Ruby was grateful. She didn't know what to say. "And don't forget that tip, eh?" Ruby mumbled her thanks and began walking to the end of the bar, away from Will. He paid and followed after her, but thankfully James, Taj, and Audre all approached the bar as he got closer, and she was able to stick close enough to them that he couldn't speak to her privately.</p><p>"You two order then?" Taj lingered his eyes on Ruby, eyebrow raised.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah we both got some tea," Ruby told him, smiling. Everything is okay, she tried to look normal, but once again she felt too conscious of the way she held her body to know what normal was supposed to be like. She decided folding her arms and holding herself steady on both feet was enough.</p><p>"Will, didn't know you drink tea, mate?" James finally spoke up, and Will looked a little flustered.</p><p>"Don't know what you're on about," He grumbled. Everyone went silent, until Lisa came to rescue Ruby.</p><p>"Rubes babe, here's your tea." She handed it over. "Will, wait here just a minute and I'll have yours out soon." Ruby nodded to her gratefully and took the mug into her hands and hurried back to her seat, thumbing through Ulysses and trying to remember what she'd read over the past week. Like Lisa had said, there was no way that Will knew anything that was going on in the book, and even if he'd fully read through it in the last two weeks, the chances of him understanding it were slim, given that it was touted as the second hardest book in the English language and most professors were too proud to introduce such a controversial and challenging book to their classes. Everyone came back to their seats one by one, and Ruby sent a silent thank you to Lisa, the angel who had given Will his drink second to last.</p><p>Usually Ruby would grab a little bit of sugar and cream, but she'd been in such a hurry to sit back down that she hadn't made it to the little counter top with a full carafe and sugar packets. She glanced toward it, and when she looked back, Audre was sliding sugar packets across the table. She looked up, grateful that she had such an observant friend in Audre, who didn't even worry about making eye contact to acknowledge Ruby's appreciation. She just smiled as she skimmed through her notes.</p><p>They began the last meeting for a book by giving their opinions on the story as a whole. Everyone agreed that it was worth a shrug.</p><p>"You know, I took what you all said last time about Joyce's attitude surrounding the conception of this book, and as much as the plot is interesting, the posh superiority shows through as soon as you take a deeper look at it." Taj admitted.</p><p>"Yeah, but I think it's unfair to judge a book by what the author's intention is gong to be for it," Ruby brought up. "It can still take on a deeper meaning so long as it's available within the text and we don't have to search for it outside of what we're given." They all murmured their agreement.</p><p>"I have to say, I agree with you both," James started, "but I have to agree with Taj. The bloke's an absolute tosser and it shows." Everyone laughed, he made a fair point.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They discussed the thematic elements of Ulysses but spent a long period of time discussing the final chapter, Molly's soliloquy.</p><p>"The lack of punctuation is, just, I don't know. I hated it and loved it at the same time. I felt like I was reading too deeply into a stream of consciousness that maybe just like, wasn't supposed to insinuate more than her being okay, and relatively at peace with her decisions." Ruby had read and reread the last chapter of the book, trying to figure out why Molly had let Leo back in. It just hadn't made any sense to her, and the willingness with which she had opened up her arms and let him touch her after everything they'd gone through was almost unbelievable. It felt like settling, not a triumph.</p><p>"It felt very anticlimactic." Audre added.</p><p>"What did you think of it, Will?" Everyone turned to look at the man sat next to Ruby, who had been incredibly quiet for the past several minutes.</p><p>"Well, y'know, I don't have any type of proper education quite like all of yous," Will seemed a little nervous with everyone's eyes on him, "and I did read it, I swear, but you know, it didn't make a whole lotta sense." He admitted.</p><p>"That's fair, it's not an easy book to just causally pick up," Ruby said, and she hoped it was somewhat comforting for him to know that he wasn't alone.</p><p>"I did ask James to uh, to help me out a bit, y'know. I do get that our boy Leo wasn't too invested into his gal, so that made it interesting, but there was a lot of, I guess, unnecessary detail?" He ended on a question, and looked around to see if he'd done alright. Everyone nodded in agreement, but James was shocked.</p><p>"Well mate, you've exceeded whatever expectation I had on you." He said, and he seemed serious. Will laughed and gave him a friendly shove.</p><p>"Lay off it, lad. I'm not a blundering idiot, I know how to read."</p><p>"I know that, but I didn't realize you figured out how to comprehend." James shot back. Almost an hour had passed, and they were all feeling much more comfortable than they had when they'd started.</p><p>"So, any closing remarks?" Audre looked around the table. After a few moments of silence, she continued. "Right well, this has been quite the experience I have to say. James, pleasure to have you, and Will, you too. Not often we have two random blokes take the time to join us in reading one of the shittiest books we've ever laid eyes on."</p><p>"Thanks for letting us crash the party, it's a pleasure." James said, Will just smiled.</p><p>"We're reading The Great Gatsby next, so please feel free to join us whenever." She looked at Taj and Ruby. "You want to meet twice for Gatsby, or...?"</p><p>"If I couldn't come up with an original thought for this one, how'm I supposed to do it for Gatsby? Pretty sure everything's already been said. I vote one meeting." Taj said.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm kind of in the same boat. Let's just give it like two weeks? We could meet on... hold on," Ruby pulled out her phone and scrolled through the calendar. "We could meet in like two and a half weeks? I'm free on Thursday, the seventeenth?" Everyone followed suit and looked at their own calendars.</p><p>"Yeah, works for me."</p><p>"Me too,"</p><p>"What time?" Will spoke up. This time, everyone looked at him in shock.</p><p>"Uh, well," Ruby started, "we could do six? That work for everyone?" She glanced at Will, confused. Never in a million years would she had pegged him as the type to read for fun. When he nodded, he looked back towards her, and then quickly away.</p><p>Ruby started to wonder if this is how Molly had felt.</p><p>Ruby gave her friends brief hugs and sent them on their way, and even wrapped an arm around James, standing on her tiptoes to reach around his neck. "Nice to see you, hope you can make it to the next one. We could all use a new face," she joked. He let her know that he was planning on it, and wished her well.</p><p>"Will?" He looked at his friend, and nodded toward the door.</p><p>"I'll uh, I'll be leavin in a little bit." He said, standing awkwardly by the chair holding all of Ruby's things. "Just wanted to uh, y'know, ask Ruby about a few things for-about you know, the whole design thing." He waved at James and tried to sound casual, but his words rushed out of his mouth and sounded more like an excuse than a reason. James just sighed, and walked out into the night after Taj and Audre.</p><p>Ruby turned to Will. "So what's up?" She asked, not making eye contact as she put on her coat and gathered her bag.</p><p>"Oh, y'know, just wanted to uh, to know how it was going." He said. "The, the design stuff obviously."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah um duh," She laughed awkwardly, "Yeah it's going well. Just spending lots of time in front of the computer, guess that comes with the territory though." Will nodded.</p><p>"I, uh, you... you got some time? London is all dressed up for the holidays, you could have a proper brit show you round the city."</p><p>Will bit his lip and watched Ruby with his eyebrows raised. She stared at him for a moment and the same feeling that had plagued her on the way to their meeting last week started to creep back up on her. He knew that she'd been living in London for a few years now, and didn't need someone to show her aorund. She took in a breath, unsure how to say what she felt she needed to.</p><p>"Look, Will, I-I have a boyfriend," She started, her cheeks were on fire, and she watched Will's eyes go wide, and he shook his head.</p><p>"Oh, oh god no. No I wasn't, I didn't mean like that," He hurried to correct himself. "Nah mate, no no no. I've got a girl, I just thought like, we could be mates. I'm not tryin to be a nonce." Ruby felt relief rush through her body, and only a small twinge of disappointment.</p><p>"Oh, oh man. I'm so sorry, I just totally assumed, that's so embarrassing," she said. "I just— I don't have people ask me to go out and do things very much so I just like, oh my gosh I can't believe I said that." Will laughed.</p><p>"Nah, mate don't apologize I might've come on a bit awkward then," He said. "Figured a transplant like you might be interested in making some more local friends." Ruby looked up at him, and swung her bag across her shoulder.</p><p>"I think that'd be nice." They handed their empty mugs off to Lisa, who gave Ruby an interesting look and wished them a good night, then let Will get the door for her as they stepped out into the cold night air.</p><p>Christmas had snuck up on her, without the buffer of Thanksgiving, Ruby always forgot how quickly Autumn flew by in Britain. Her parents' California home was always decorated with turkeys and colored leaves, which served as a reminder that the Holiday season was upon them. She explained this to Will as they walked past storefronts twinkling with fairy lights.</p><p>"D'you go back to your family for the holidays?" He asked. His hands were buried in the pockets of his jacket, and his hat was pulled down tightly over his ears. Ruby buttoned the top button of her coat as she answered.</p><p>"I usually do, but this year I decided not to. I've just got way too much going on."</p><p>"Ah, I see. Then you've got plans here? For like, Christmas and such?" Ruby shook her head.</p><p>"Not really, Audre and Taj invited me to their work Christmas party, but that's about it." Her two friends were teachers at a public school in London, and at some points she would wonder if their coworkers thought they were in a relationship, since she was always present at their parties and events.</p><p>"What about your lad then, he's not stayin with you? Is he around here?" Ruby felt awkward talking about Jake with Will. He wasn't going to be in London for Christmas, he and his parents were headed on an Italian holiday, which had been planned for months by the time Ruby told him she wouldn't be going home this year. He'd invited her along, and then threatened to cancel with his parents when she refused, but she'd convinced him to go and enjoy himself. She wouldn't be doing anything fun, and had several loose ends to tie up before the new year.</p><p>"Ah, so you're really not celebrating then?" Will asked.</p><p>"No, I'll still be celebrating, just... by myself. Maybe with some spiked eggnog or a bottle of brandy or something." She said. Will scoffed.</p><p>"Well that's just not right. Look, we'll make sure you have someone to celebrate with, I'm sure there's a Christmas party that'd let a lass like you slip onto the guest list." He bumped her playfully, and she leaned with it.</p><p>"Hey, watch where you're walking," She told him. Will didn't say anything, and she figured he was waiting for her to comment on the thought of partying with Will and his crowd. "And, I'm not saying I'll be able to go anywhere, but a little party never hurt anyone." Will laughed, and it came out in a cloudy puff, warm against the air.</p><p>"Right you are mate, we'll get ya in the Christmas spirit."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>They ambled around a little bit more, until they turned the corner and came to Ruby's street.</p><p>"Oh, that's my place," She said, pointing toward her building. "Do you want me to walk with you back to your car?"</p><p>Will shook his head, "Oi, don't start. It's freezing out here." He took a few more steps forward. "C'mon then, let me be a gentleman and walk ya to your door," Ruby had paused on the sidewalk. He was turned around, smiling back at her, his face illuminated in warm light from the streetlamps. She stepped forward, torn. If he came up to her door...</p><p>He had a girlfriend, he'd said so. If he came up to her door, it would just be to make sure she made it inside.</p><p>That's all.</p><p>"Okay," she took the few steps to catch up to him, and they continued forward. "The entrance is just right up there." She buzzed them into the hallway, and they climbed the stairs to the second floor. Her door was at the end of the hall on the left. Will looked around at the hardwood floors and crown moulding.</p><p>"This is one helluva place, Rube," he commented.</p><p>"It's just the hallway," she laughed, rummaging in her bag for her key. She glanced back at him, and he was looking at her. "It's, this isn't all mine. Just the inside of this apartment here." She opened the door and turned to Will. He was leaning casually against the door frame. "Here I am," Her arms flopped by her side.</p><p>"It's quite nice," Will said. He glanced inside, then back at her.</p><p>"Yeah, it's... it's something. I'm lucky to have it."</p><p>They were silent for a moment, unmoving.</p><p>"Well-"</p><p>"I should, uh,"</p><p>"Yeah,"</p><p>"I should get going." Will spluttered out. He looked at Ruby once more, taking a breath as if preparing to say something.</p><p>"You, uh, you have a good night then." She put a hand on the door handle. Will brushed his nose and nodded, faltering before he quickly leaned in.</p><p>Ruby froze.</p><p>Will placed his hand on her waist and gave her a chaste kiss on her cheek before heading down the hall like it was nothing.</p><p>"Right then Ruby, I'll talk to ya soon," He called back to her. He was halfway down the stairs before Ruby was able to form words.</p><p>"Yeah, okay," she called after him, her voice strangled.</p><p>"Goodnight!" She couldn't see him, but she could hear the building door open, footsteps shuffling out, then the slow creak as it latched itself shut once more.</p><p>"Goodnight," Ruby mumbled to herself as she closed her own door and fell onto the couch, fingers hovering on the spot where his lips had touched.</p><p>It was on fire.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jake — missed call (3)</p><p>Ruby looked up from her computer to see the notification that Jake had tried calling again. She wasn't avoiding him, but she hadn't particularly felt confident enough to hear his voice after the way she'd reacted to Will last night. She was still on edge. It was just so unexpected. Will hadn't seemed perturbed by it, and had in fact texted her that morning to let her know he'd made it home alright, and had just picked up a copy of The Great Gatsby. Ruby had let out small giggle, and wondered if she was just going crazy. She'd sent an incredibly dry, unenthusiastic text back to Will, and apparently it had given the right message and he hadn't responded since then. Of course, he had a girlfriend so he really didn't have time to be texting her. She still hurried to grab her phone when she got a new text notification, and ignored the drop in her chest when Jake's name appeared on her screen again.</p><p>Everything ok? im free tonight, do you want to get dinner?</p><p>Just tired. Dinner sounds amazing, what time?</p><p>6ish? We can play it by ear, I may have to stay a few minutes at the office.</p><p>That was exactly what she needed to recenter herself on what really mattered. Jake was always looking out for her, and knew when she needed a break. They decided on a place, and she put a reminder in her phone so she wouldn't work through their date— that had happened a few times in the past. Everything was going to be okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He'd picked up a copy of The Great Gatsby, and stood staring at the bag that held it with contempt. Maria was standing beside him.</p><p>"You've never read The Great Gatsby?" She asked.</p><p>"Well, it depends on how thoroughly you're asking about, like..."</p><p>"Oh my God you really were a shite student, mate," Maria laughed at him. "What's changed your mind then? James finally convinced you to move over to the dark side?" Will laughed and saw Ruby's face behind his eyelids when he blinked.</p><p>"Somethin like that, I s'pose. He met some lass at Esters a few weeks ago and they've got an actual book club," he scoffed, "so he's been asking me to go, like, be his wingman and that. Tryin to impress her with his massive vocabulary."</p><p>Maria nodded in understanding. "You're a good person, Will."</p><p>Will didn't quite feel like it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dinner was at an Indian food spot Ruby had been wanting to try for a while now.</p><p>"Thanks for bringing me here babe, this is exactly what I needed." Jake smiled at Ruby's comment and wrapped and arm around her waist. She remembered what it had felt like to have Will's hand in the same spot, pulling her in just slightly.</p><p>"Ah, pleasure's all mine sweetheart." He gave her a kiss, and she kissed him back, more passionate that she tended to be in public. Jake laughed as he pulled back,</p><p>"Easy there lass, the night is young." They waited to be seated, arms around one another and Ruby continually redirecting her focus to Jake's explanation of the day's events. He was talking about the stock market, and a new junior finance temp that he liked as a person but absolutely hated as an employee, and between those two topics there were so many acronyms that she kept losing track of what he was talking about.</p><p>She ordered coconut curry. By the time their server came out with their food, Jake had finished ranting about the temp and turned his attention to Ruby.</p><p>"You been busy lately then," he started. Ruby nodded. "Everyone wanting things done for Christmas or what?"</p><p>"It's surprisingly not a lot of Christmas stuff, mostly winter launches for after the new year." She admitted, she was rarely hired specifically for holiday design, there were other people far more talented than her in that realm.</p><p>"Right, right, that makes sense."</p><p>"But yeah, just got a lot of projects going on all at once. They're all pretty one-off things, but the one-offs add up quickly." Ruby explained.</p><p>"Yeah, you've been quite busy. I haven't wanted to bother you." Ruby looked up, something had shifted in Jake's tone.</p><p>"Is there something you want to talk about?" She asked. Jake shrugged.</p><p>"Just, y'know, life. I've wanted to keep you in the loop with everything going on, where the job is takin me, allat." He continued eating.</p><p>"Oh, yeah, well I mean that makes sense, sorry I've been a little bit absent. It's just easy to get caught up in my own stuff at home, so..."</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, don't-don't take it the wrong way. You know I respect what you do. It's just," Jake took a deep breath, and Ruby's fork hovered in mid air as she waited for him to continue. "I've been thinking about some things."</p><p>Ruby immediately thought about Will. There was nothing there for him to read into, it was a work thing. She was taking care of herself, there hadn't even been a hospital scare.</p><p>"Have you ever thought about like, uh, us... us like, getting married?" Ruby stared back, shocked, and obviously not hiding it well with the way Jake scrambled to explain himself. "Like, maybe not any time soon or anything like that at all, I just was wondering if you'd ever considered it. Like, just thought about it. I-I want to know what your thoughts are in general. Since, like, we've never even talked about it."</p><p>"Wow, uh, I mean. Yeah I guess I've thought about it before, but not like, seriously by any means." She looked up from her food and could tell Jake was disappointed. "I just, I don't know. I don't know if that's something I'm ready for." She kept her voice level, so not to reveal the panic she felt inside.</p><p>"That's fair, yeah," Jake finally mumbled. "You think you'll be ready like, someday? I really, I want to- y'know I just wanted to maybe put it out there. It's somethin I've been thinking about."</p><p>"Okay, that's okay." Ruby waved down the server and asked for a to-go box, she wasn't feeling hungry anymore.</p><p>"I'm sorry Ruby, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, or like upset you or nothin, really didn't."</p><p>"You're fine, it was just a surprise, that's all." Ruby took a long sip of tea and looked out the window to her left. She watched as people walked by, some in pairs and some by themselves. Everyone stared ahead, hands tucked in their pockets, no one reached out a hand to save her from this moment, or threw a glance her way.</p><p>No one realized she was looking for a way out.</p><p>Until this moment, Ruby hadn't either.</p><p>Jake was disappointed when Ruby told him she would catch a cab home by herself.</p><p>"Ruby, I didn't mean to upset you," He repeated once again, unable to move away from the earlier topic of marriage. "It was a one off comment, I didn't mean anything by it, I was just lookin to see where you were at." She handed him the box of leftovers she had.</p><p>"I know, I know you didn't. I'm just being a little overdramatic but I'd really like some time to process that. I think that's fair for me to ask of you."</p><p>Jake relented, but apologized once more. "And you're sure you don't want the rest of this?" He awkwardly drew their date to a close. She shook her head, she was feeling rather nauseous.</p><p>"Jake," she said, reaching for his arm, "you really don't have anything to apologize for. If anything, I do. You just, you caught me a little off guard and I really hadn't like, seriously thought about it. Which isn't your fault." She added. "I just like, I've had so much going on since we graduated that I maybe haven't been the best girlfriend. So thanks for putting up with me. I just need some time to actually think about it, and maybe we can have that conversation later." Jake let out a deep sigh of relief, and the tension in his body released a bit.</p><p>"Right then, sounds like we've got a plan then." Jake kissed her, and she reached up to run a hand under his jaw. I'm sorry, she tried to tell him in the way her hand gently cradled his neck. He pulled away and smiled, his eyes hungry, and she knew he didn't understand.</p><p>They parted ways and Jake headed to his car, and instead of hailing a cab, Ruby decided to walk home. She could use the fresh air. Her phone went off, and she saw that she had several text messages from Will. Two of them were in regards to Christmas parties he knew of, and included so many emojis she couldn't tell if that was just how he sent texts, or if he was being a dumbass. The third one read:</p><p>Gatsby is shite. does book club have a study group?</p><p>She laughed. She was only a couple chapters in.</p><p>Thanks for the invites. Real question: will the parties be as extravagant as Gatsby's?</p><p>Sent.</p><p>Bzz.</p><p>can't say for sure.</p><p>Bzz.</p><p>you free for a min? Ruby stared down at her phone. She was free, but had wanted to use her walk home to clear her mind, not talk about work.</p><p>Yeah, what's up?</p><p>Her phone began to ring and Will's name scrolled across the screen. Her heart picked up as she scrambled to answer it.</p><p>"Hello?" She said, breathless.</p><p>"Oi, not bothering you am I?" Will chuckled, "just had a few questions I wanted to ask you. About Gatsby. I know, little bit embarrassin' on my part but I swear I'm missing something." Ruby laughed, confused, this was not what she had been expecting.</p><p>"Uh yeah, yeah hold on. Let me grab my headphones really quick." She stood on the curb to let others pass as she rummaged around in her bag for her earbuds. "Can you hear me?" She asked once she'd gotten them in.</p><p>"Yeah, loud and clear over here mate." Will answered.</p><p>"So, what's up?" She asked.</p><p>"I'm just ah, well, I dunno I'm just a little lost as to who Nick is, and why he's tellin this story like he's got any type 'a place to be doin it, like... it just doesn't make sense." Ruby shrugged, despite him not being able to see it.</p><p>"I guess it's just like, the author's choice at the end of the day." She responded. "When you write a book you get to pick who your narrator is. Why don't you like Nick?"</p><p>"He just seems like a twat, if I'm bein' honest."</p><p>"Oh my gosh, you can't just say that, he's there for a reason and he hasn't even done anything worthy of being called that."</p><p>"Well no, there's the point— he hasn't done much of anything really. He's just a tosser who is tryin to police his cousin and give Gatsby a hard time." Will paused, the revelation of his comment donning on him. "Oh my god, I think that there proves my point then." Ruby laughed.</p><p>"Incredible, is that a fully formed, original thought?"</p><p>"Oi, don't be rude, I've not had to think this hard in a while, alright?" Will tried to hold out the idea that she had offended him, but Ruby didn't even have time to explain herself before he laughed. "I'm just pulling your leg, mate. Thanks for letting me talk myself through that one."</p><p>"I get it, I've been there. Classics are, for the most part, shitty. Don't know why we keep reading them, but I guess it's the least painful form of masochism... well, depending on how you look at it."</p><p>"You and your big words, Ruby, didn't anyone ever teach you how to speak to us commoners? I can barely hear you from way up on your high horse."</p><p>Ruby's reply was drowned out by an ambulance blaring by on the next street.</p><p>"You out?" Will asked.</p><p>"Yeah, just had dinner with uh, with Jake." She told him, remembering the conversation that had taken place.</p><p>"Sounds like fun then, where'd you go?"</p><p>"We got Indian at this spot I've been wanting to try."</p><p>"Any good?"</p><p>"Yeah, I liked it."</p><p>"Nice." They were both quiet. Ruby felt words at her lips, begging to be spoken. They wanted to be real, tangible, they wanted to be heard.</p><p>"Jake asked me about marriage." She didn't know why she told that to Will, of all people, but it was dark and cold and lonely and he was there, far enough away that she wasn't forced to think about how he made her feel, but close enough with his steady breathing on the other end of the line that she remembered anyway.</p><p>"Oh, wow, like he er, he popped the question and all?" Will asked, sounding as shocked as Ruby felt.</p><p>"No, oh my gosh no. No no no. He just like, asked me about it for the first time, and asked what I thought." Ruby couldn't have explained to anyone why she was telling him all of this, and he didn't seem to know how to respond.</p><p>"So, uh, what did you say?" He asked.</p><p>"I told him I'd think about it," she responded.</p><p>"Okay, well then what exactly do ya think about it?"</p><p>"I don't want to marry him."</p><p>Will was quiet. London moved in slow motion around her, and she watched as raindrops became snowflakes right before her eyes, speckling the ground in tiny frozen kisses.</p><p>"Damn. Are you drunk?" Will asked and Ruby laughed, looking around.</p><p>"No, I'm not." She stood on the street and stared at her shoes. Her head was buzzing like she'd had few drinks, but it wasn't alcohol. It was this unbelievable man who made her feel drunk like this. Drunk off his voice, his eyes, and even now, she remembered his smell when he leaned in to put his arm around hers the night he drove her home, and again when he had walked her to her door and— she didn't want to go there.</p><p>"Well you're sure actin like it lass." His comment brought her fully back to the present. She was standing on a sidewalk talking to someone who wasn't her boyfriend, someone who had a girlfriend, a client about her personal life. Mortified, she tried to remember if perhaps she was drunk, and could write this off as a mistake. Before she had time to begin apologizing, Will spoke again. "No worries though mate. Would you uh, could I, like, I'd love to come round soon and see how the design is coming along, and maybe chat about Gatsby, and this Nick bloke who can't mind his own business."</p><p>Pause.</p><p>"What d'ya think then? I'm not all too far from you."</p><p>Ruby's mind was blank, except for the swirling yes, please, I want to see you again that was pushing against the back of her teeth, begging to be spoken. She didn't stop to consider the consequences. She just opened her mouth and let her words make themselves out in the cold air.</p><p>Cold winter light was sifting through the curtains of Ruby's messy flat. Clothes were thrown across the back of the couch, dishes sat in the sink, and dust bunnies were hiding in the corners of the living room. She woke to the sound of her alarm, and memories of last night flooded back to her. Will wanted to come over. She grabbed her phone and looked at three texts. Two from Will, and one from Jake.</p><p>im free round noon!</p><p>or any time after really</p><p>I'm sorry about last night, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I love you so much and just thought I'd bring it up, but we don't have to talk about that stuff until you're ready. Call me soon? xoxo</p><p>She replied to Will first. He could come around whenever, he'd just need to be buzzed in at the door. After she'd hit send, she stared down at Jake's message. She didn't want to call him, and she couldn't figure out why. Just the thought of having to talk to him after their conversation last night was exhausting. She didn't want to talk about her future, their future... or anything at all. Oh.</p><p>Ruby wondered when that had started.</p><p>A few hours later found Ruby's apartment tidy, clothes hung up and put away, and Will leaning on the back of the couch instead.</p><p>"Nice place, looks even better from inside," he commented. Ruby smiled up at him from where she was making two cups of tea in her kitchen. She liked having people over, it made the flat feel more comfortable, less cut off from the world. She carried their mugs to her small kitchen table, and waved Will over.</p><p>"Let me show you what I have so far." </p><p>He sat down and held his mug in both hands.</p><p>"Sheesh, you ever heard of turning up the heat?"</p><p>"Hey, my house my rules. I prefer wearing a sweater and socks over paying through the nose for my electricity bill."</p><p>Will shivered dramatically. "To each their own, I s'pose. But christ..." </p><p>Ruby just rolled her eyes and opened up her laptop.</p><p>They spent several minutes reviewing changes to the t-shirt design, per Ruby's suggestion. She wanted each piece to feel unique, which in turn would entice people to get more than one thing when ordering, and Will appreciated it. She went through each color selection, which was less appreciated, but this was something she did with every client. She had pulled several images of his past merchandise, screen caps of his thumbnails, and a color palette from his most recent instagram posts in order to come up with cohesive branding.</p><p>"This," she explained, "will allow you to really seamlessly integrate and advertise your own merch into your current online space, without making it look like a merch plug."</p><p>"You're bloody amazing, then," He was looking over at Ruby, who was pointing to the screen.</p><p>"That's why people hire me." She deadpanned, trying to ignore the way his eyes were tracing over her side profile.</p><p>"Hmm," he hummed and shook his head, finally focusing back on the computer screen, "You've got a point there, I'll give you that." Ellis had messaged Ruby a few days prior to let her know that Will had reached out about wholesale shirts, and had included her in the email he'd sent back. Ruby opened it, and reviewed the documents with Will.</p><p>"When you're using a silk screen, it's kind of inconvenient to order a sample, since the screen has to be uniquely made for your project. But," she pulled up a separate window, with some rendered models, "I've pulled together some examples so you can get an idea of what it will look like."</p><p>"Oh, I like those a lot, this is what it'd look like even on the organic shirts and such?" Ruby nodded.</p><p>"Yeah, Ellis mentioned that the color can vary slightly since they use a more natural dye process, but it definitely won't be enough to be noticeable, they're really great at color matching." Ruby was proud of the work she'd done, and felt confident in her designs for Will, but the real test would be whether his audience liked them enough to purchase. "I'm pretty stoked about this, honestly. I think they'll be a hit."</p><p>Will looked at her with a huge grin on his face.</p><p>"Can't thank you enough, honestly." His arm reached around her shoulders and gave her a short squeeze before standing up. "Now, we need to talk about one other thing..." He walked toward the couch and picked up his copy of The Great Gatsby. "These pompous bastards."</p><p>Ruby had tried explaining the green light to Will several times over the course of their discussion, but Will got more frustrated with each attempt.</p><p>"It's not your words that aren't making sense, Rubes, it's the whole damn concept. It's a right mess and no real human has ever been this self-obsessed and, just like, cringe." Will pulled a face. "He sounds like some tosser who took one class about film studies and now thinks he's a fucking prodigy."</p><p>Ruby pointed out that he was describing a real person, and maybe Gatsby was just an edgy art kid.</p><p>"I'm not entirely convinced those types a people are real, like. You ever seen one in person?"</p><p>"Dude, that describes like, most of the people I went to school with." Will laughed and put up his hands in surrender.</p><p>"You're something else, that's more than I could handle and that wasn't even the courses."</p><p>"To be fair the courses were basically taught by the depressed, middle-aged versions of edgy art kids." They were both giggling, and Ruby thought it felt good to laugh again, it had been a while. She glanced at her phone and realized that it was almost six in the evening, he'd been here for hours.</p><p>"Oi, where did the time go?" He mumbled, taking a good look at his own phone screen. "I'm right starving, what do you say we grab something to eat?" This time when they made eye contact, she felt the air between them come to life, an open invitation to continue their night. She walked to her coat rack and grabbed her Belfast.</p><p>"Where are you thinking?" She asked. Will got up and followed her toward the front door, a smirk crossing his face.</p><p>"Anywhere but Indian."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Routine was nice. It was welcomed and expected, and Ruby greatly enjoyed knowing what her day held. This new routine though, where Will showed up almost every day, was not what she'd expected.</p><p>Tonight was the first of three parties she'd been invited to, and Jake's last night in town before leaving with his parents for their vacation. They were both still undressed, lying next to each other in Ruby's bed, and Jake turned to look at her.</p><p>"I'm excited for you to go out with friends tonight," he said. "I think it'll be good for you." Ruby rolled her eyes, but still wiggled closer to Jake.</p><p>"You don't have to play the role of concerned parent, you know," she told him. "My parents already have that covered."</p><p>"I'm just saying, it'll be fun. You deserve this." She pressed a kiss on his lips, trying to get him to be quiet. He had been talking about this party more than she had, and he wasn't even going. She'd offered to inquire about getting him in, but he had insisted that she spend an evening with friends. He had to leave early the next morning anyway.</p><p>"I love you," She hummed, finally sitting up. She pulled the covers up over her bare chest, and Jake leaned in to kiss her side.</p><p>"I love you too, Rubes. I'll miss you while I'm gone. Glad we got a little time to ourselves so I know what I'll be missing out in the Italian countryside." She laughed as she went into the bathroom, staring at her body in the big mirror. She had a few reddish blotches around her hips, Ruby wouldn't forget Jake either.</p><p>"I'm going to take a quick shower, you can stick around for a bit if you want." She called into the bedroom, where Jake was pulling his jeans back on. "I'll just be getting ready."</p><p>"Yeah," Jake walked toward her, still shirtless, "I'd like to see you all dressed up," he murmured, kissing her again. She felt surprisingly vulnerable as he pressed her against the doorframe, her still naked body covered in goosebumps as Jake pushed his way in between her legs. She broke away from their kiss to let out a nervous giggle.</p><p>"Okay then, that's fine by me." She shyly stepped back into the bathroom, and gave Jake one last peck before shutting the bathroom door.</p><p>It was dark out when Ruby stepped out of her room, finally ready. Jake was in the kitchen, and his eyes lit up as he took in her appearance. She was all velvet and deep red in a simple dress, with thin straps accentuating her décolletage. Her hair was loose and the same mess as always, despite Ruby trying to fuss around and make it look a bit more presentable. She held her favorite coat, a black Belfast, in her arms, and still had bare feet.</p><p>"How do I look?" She asked Jake, spinning in a circle.</p><p>"You, wow. Ruby. You look beautiful." Jake let out a low whistle and walked over to where she stood. "You look like an actual ruby." She laughed, and Jake reached up to brush all her hair behind her shoulders.</p><p>"Thanks babe, I'm finally feeling... excited." She commented.</p><p>"I'm happy for you."</p><p>Ruby's phone lit up as she was slipping into her heels. Will.</p><p>Buzz me in? She looked at the time and saw it was already seven thirty. She saw Jake standing beside her, holding his own coat, ready to leave when she did. Ruby felt jittery and anxious as she buzzed Will into the building. Jake had never met him. For just a flash she saw her and Will in the open doorway, and wondered if he could see it too.</p><p>The outline of her imagination still lingered when Will knocked.</p><p>"Oi mate let's get goin, got a cab waiting." She swung open the door and Will's eyes went wide. "Wow, Ruby..." He didn't have time to collect himself before Jake stepped forward and offered his hand.</p><p>"Mate, nice to meet you, I'm Jake." Ruby watched her boyfriend glance back at her with a huge grin, pride plastered on his face. She felt like a daughter being handed over to her high school prom date, a prize being shown off.</p><p>"Nice to meet you as well, I'm Will." They shook hands and Ruby moved to stand awkwardly between them, her coat now on and ready to go. Jake asked Will what the plan was for tonight, since Ruby had earlier mentioned that she wasn't sure. Will explained the event, it was something between a mixer and a Christmas party, there would be a lot of internet personalities, and people who work closely with them. Ruby was grateful that Will explained his reasons for inviting her, it was just a work thing.</p><p>"With Ruby designing my new merch and such, I offered to get her in so she might be able to meet a few new clients, y'know, introduce herself to a different crowd. Got a few people lookin to throw some cash your way, lass." He directed the last sentence to Ruby, and she blushed. Her brain was going blank, and words were a lost cause. She just picked up the small bag she had to bring and said, "Let's get going then." </p><p>The three of them made their way down to the sidewalk, where Will's cab was still waiting.</p><p>"Right then, nice to meet ya Jake, be seeing you around." He went and stood by the cab door, giving Ruby and Jake a moment to say goodbye.</p><p>"Well, I hope you have fun tonight Ruby, I can't wait to hear all about it. I'll be leaving here in a few hours to get to mum and dad's, but you can call whenever and I'll try to pick up." He gave her one last kiss before they parted ways, "and try not to work while you're at a party, eh? Enjoy yourself for a bit."</p><p>"I'll do my best, but you know how it is," she replied.</p><p>"I love you,"</p><p>"I love you too."</p><p>Jake went out to the curb to flag down his own cab, and Ruby allowed Will to open the door for her. He sat down next to her, and they were off.</p><p>"Are we going straight to the thing?" Ruby asked, feeling much more comfortable now that Will and Jake weren't in equal proximity to her. "Or is there like, I don't know, I just uh, I guess I don't know what the plan is." She giggled nervously. She felt the same fluttering in her stomach as she always did around Will, but with the prospect of meeting new people— people who knew Will and his girlfriend at that— it was enough to catch her attention.</p><p>"Right, so we're heading back to my place now. Since this party is more on the business side of things, we'll meet with some mates back at my place and then we'll head out. It's at The Gibson, that's the address I sent you." She nodded, and peeked into her bag to ensure her phone was still nestled safely inside.</p><p>"Okay, great. Who is going to be there?" Since meeting Will and beginning her embarrassingly religious routine of watching through his old Youtube videos, she was no stranger to the group of people he surrounded himself with. Of course, she acknowledged that it was also the internet, and she didn't know how much of it was just for appearance and engagement.</p><p>"You mean you don't know anything about me mates?" He said, feigning shock. "They're only my right hand men and the only ones I've ever got on my channel!" She rolled her eyes, slightly amused but unwilling to show him, and he gave in, listing off several familiar names to Ruby, and a few she didn't know.</p><p>"That will be fun, I may have heard of one or two of them," she commented. Will gave her a playful shove.</p><p>"Oi, I know you're knee deep in my youtube channel." She blushed deeply and pretended like she didn't know what he was talking about. "I saw you subscribed to me, no backing out of that!" Ruby realized that he didn't actually know how many videos of his she had watched, but she still felt the embarrassment in the back of her throat when she laughed.</p><p>"Alright, alright, stop flattering yourself," she said. "So... you met Jake tonight, will I be meeting your person tonight as well?"</p><p>Will shrugged, and shook his head.</p><p>"No, she's got some uh, something came up so we're not— she'll not be round tonight." Will took a breath, his hands awkwardly trying to fill the space. "It's more of a work-type event anyway, with like, some people like us, and like, like all yous," he pointed to her, indicating that there would be other designers there, "and we'll just be doing more of like, some networking stuff. Not her scene, not really... it's a lot of high-profile people and such, just different crowd." Ruby looked at him for a minute, one eyebrow raised.</p><p>"You're telling me that she doesn't want a networking opportunity? She could, like, start a channel and make money just off the fact that you're dating." Will began to look a bit uncomfortable.</p><p>"Well, yeah I don't know that she'll be doing that. I-we, we're not getting on quite well right now." Ruby immediately felt bad for asking.</p><p>"Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't mean to like, pry or anything. Oh my goodness," she started, but Will waved her away.</p><p>"Don't, you've done absolutely nothin wrong at all, we're nothin like you and your lad. We're a bit more casual and such. Only been steady a few months." Ruby didn't know how she was supposed to interpret that.</p><p>The cab dropped them off in front of a tall building, and Will waved his hands up toward it.</p><p>"Welcome," he said, "To my apartment building." He offered her an arm, like a proper gentleman, and after a moment's hesitation she slipped her hand around his bicep and let him lead her into the foyer. They walked to the lift and pressed the arrow up, and Will finally dropped his arm.</p><p>"It's nice in here. Looks expensive." Ruby commented.</p><p>"Yeah I mean, it's not cheap by any means, but it's not too wild. I—"</p><p>"Oi you bastard, what took you so long?"</p><p>Someone yelled across the lobby, and Will broke out into a grin.</p><p>"You bugger, you'd better watch your mouth mate," He called back to the man, who was making his way toward them in a nice suit and tie. "Stephen, this is Ruby. The designer gal I mentioned."</p><p>"Wow, Ruby, it's a pleasure," He held out his hand. "Mate, you didn't tell me she was a right stunner."</p><p>"Well you didn't ask, plus I don't think she's interested in having a bloke like you tryin his hardest to get with her." Ruby laughed, and Stephen scoffed at Will.</p><p>"Will, knock it, don't be rude in front of the guest." The elevator doors slid open and they all got on together.</p><p>"It's all good, I don't really listen to anything he says," Ruby commented to Stephen, which made him laugh.</p><p>"And good on you," He said. Will rolled his eyes at both of them.</p><p>"Look mate, all I'm sayin is that you wouldn't be as tall as her even if she took off the heels." He said. Stephen and Ruby both blushed.</p><p>Ruby was always conscious of her height when she wore heels around Jake, knowing it brought her past the six foot mark, but had gone with them today knowing that she wouldn't have a date to compare to, and she also wouldn't be the tallest one in her group— Will still had a small advantage on her.</p><p>"I get it Will, you've got your eye on her then." The elevator went silent for and it was Will's turn to look embarrassed, and Ruby didn't know how to react, standing between them and feeling too warm in her coat.</p><p>"Matter 'a fact, I just might."</p><p>Ruby felt the air rush out of her lungs in time with the elevator doors sliding apart. Stephen didn't seem phased by this at all, and chuckled as he stepped out onto their floor first. Will placed a hand briefly on the small of her back and led them both after him. </p><p>They didn't say anything to each other.</p><p>Will's apartment was much larger than Ruby's, with a full kitchen, living room, and one of the few other doors was cracked open, revealing a neatly made bed and large, clean room. Ruby made these observations while she was trying not to make eye contact with one of the several people standing in the kitchen. It lasted about three seconds until James came over and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.</p><p>"Ruby, it's so nice to see you. Glad you could come!" Everyone in the group was suddenly surrounding her, and she was offered hugs and handshakes and nice-to-meet-yous from everyone. Each name went in one ear and out the other, but she recognized several faces from Will's various Youtube videos.</p><p>"Alright, alright you lot, let's not suffocate the poor woman," Will said, and a few people wandered back to the kitchen to grab a beer— including Stephen, who touched Ruby's arm to see if he could grab her a drink no thank you, I'll have something later— but several people wanted to inquire about her person, likely trying to glean information Will hadn't shared. She didn't know why he would have, she was just designing a few things for him. Ruby remembered his comment in the elevator and avoided looking back his way. He had a girlfriend, he was likely just joking around with his friend. </p><p>Ruby didn't want anyone trying to flirt with her anyway, Jake took boastful pride in having her as his girlfriend, and loved hearing about how she'd turned away interested parties. Ruby wondered if that's why he'd been so excited to watch her go out, so she would be shown off as this beautiful, untouchable, thing, already claimed by a man luckier than those interested. </p><p>Her spiraling thoughts were interrupted by Alex, one of the people Will often had on his channel, beginning to speak to her.</p><p>"The stuff you've made for Will is really unbelievable, he's shown anything that'll give him an ounce of attention, and honestly I don't blame him."</p><p>"Oh, that's so nice, I really like what we ended up with too. It's been a lot of fun working with him," Ruby said to him. Alex gave her a smile and a nod.</p><p>"Yeah, sounds like the feeling is mutual." They stood for a moment, awkward in the way meeting new people was. "Y'know, if you're taking on clients any time after the new year, I've been looking for a designer as well. I mentioned it to Will and he said he didn't know how much Youtube stuff you were trying to do but..." He trailed off a little, giving Ruby space to decline.</p><p>"Oh, wow yeah, I mean if you like what I did for Will, it honestly hasn't been that much work. I don't know if I could feasibly like, schedule anything until probably mid-April, but like, yeah if you're looking for a designer I think that could be super fun. Just let me know." Ruby smiled back at him, and he seemed pleasantly surprised.</p><p>"Alright, that's awesome, I will. I didn't want to like, corner you and make it weird or anything since this stuff isn't what you usually work on— and oh my god, Will showed us your website. Bloody fantastic, mate. I see why he wanted to hire you, though I don't know how he convinced you to accept his offer, honestly." She giggled. "I'm, wow. Awesome. I really didn't think you'd have the time or interest at all so that's like, that's awesome."</p><p>"Of course!" Ruby exclaimed. "Oh my goodness you are seriously so sweet, that was just like, so many kind words all at once." Alex blushed. "I really try to only ever turn people down because of scheduling conflicts honestly. Most of my work is so similar because that's just like, who I tend to attract based on previous work, and it just like, snowballs." She cringed at the like totally valley girl that Will had caught on to the first time they met, and which crept into her voice whenever she was nervous. No one ever noticed, and if they did they never said anything. "I just really like the chance to do something different." Will came wandering back over and looked at Ruby, still holding her purse.</p><p>"Oi, you want to carry that with you all night, or would you rather I put it in my room and trade ya for a drink? We've got beer and such in the kitchen." She began to open her mouth, but Will interrupted. "Wait, I know, I know, I bet you only drink red wine because it makes ya look way fancier. We've got some of that pushed up in a cupboard for James as well, I'm sure he'd adore ya for being the second person to come into this flat and voluntarily drink some."</p><p>"Wow, way to call me out in front of a bunch of strangers," Ruby joked. "I'll bring my bag to the party, but yeah," she handed it over, "you can trade me for now." Will smirked and grabbed the bag, and walked to the other side of the flat, disappearing into a room— his room— briefly before coming back out and heading for the kitchen. Ruby and Alex stood by the couch, Ruby's arms crossed across her body as she watched Will open a cupboard and grab a wine bottle from the highest shelf.</p><p>"So, if you don't mind me asking, what d'you think of him?" Alex said, breaking their silence. Ruby turned back.</p><p>"Of who, Will?"</p><p>"Yeah," Alex said, "He's like, really into you."</p><p>"Um, oh. I-I don't... I thought that he had a girlfriend," Ruby said, "He isn't actually like, no. We're just friends. We're working together." Alex nodded, taking a sip from the beer bottle he'd just been holding up until then.</p><p>"Ah, sorry I didn't mean to make things weird." That was all he was able to say before Will came back into hearing distance, with a huge glass of red wine. Ruby realized her eyes must've gone wide because Will began laughing as he handed it off to her.</p><p>"Right, uh, James tried to teach me some shite about pouring red wine and all, so you're gettin a hefty pour out of spite."</p><p>"Oh my goodness are you trying to get me absolutely hammered before we even go to the party?" She inquired, taking a small sip.</p><p>"That? It's only one glass— a big one, but still only one... no way that'll do ya in, mate." Will said. Ruby shook her head in disbelief. Alex piped up.</p><p>"Mate, some people aren't raging alcoholics like this lot." They all laughed, and Will nodded.</p><p>"That's fair, I'll give you that one. But really, Rubes, no pressure, as long as it looks like a proper pour when you're done with it, we can just tell James you took one drink and thought it tasted like absolute shite." Ruby realized this was going to be a very long night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Five of the people from Will's flat had come with him and Ruby to the actual party, most everyone else staying behind or leaving for a nearby club instead. Alex and James were two of them, and Ruby felt a little more comfortable knowing that Will wouldn't be the only person she knew at the event. Stephen, and two other people whose names she couldn't remember were also there, but they mostly goofed off among themselves, and with Will, while James and Alex made sure to include Ruby in their conversation.</p><p>They crossed the street together and approached The Gibson, and everyone withdrew tickets from their jacket pockets.</p><p>"Will," She whispered, leaning over to gently nudge him, "I don't have a ticket."</p><p>"That's alright, you're with me," he commented and flashed his own. Will Lenney and guest. She nodded, the brief worry of being turned away at the door gone before it'd had time to settle. Will took the opportunity to get to the front of their group, and guided Ruby forward with a hand to the small of her back.</p><p>She glanced up at Will, but he was too busy greeting the bouncer. He handed over his ticket, introduced Ruby who offered a polite smile, and they were in. Will's hand briefly slipped to her side, bringing her closer as they walked through the main entrance, but once they got in the door Ruby stepped away, giving them both a bit more space. The rest of the group filtered in, and moved toward the pair.</p><p>"Oi mate," Stephen shouted over the music, "We've got table service, they said number seven is ours." He pointed in the general direction of the tables set up around the large dance floor. "An' Ruby, you can check your bag somewhere 'round there." He pointed in a different direction, and Ruby saw a sign that said Coat Check. She thanked him, and their group quickly dispersed as everyone went to look for other people they knew. She and Will headed toward the coat check that was set up near the entrance.</p><p>"Would you be able to hold onto my phone for me?" Ruby asked, offering it to Will. He nodded and slipped it in his pocket, and then she traded in her coat and bag for a ticket.</p><p>"Okay then, I'm good to go." She said. Once again, he placed a hand on her waist as they walked toward the bar.</p><p>"Let's grab a drink, then I'll introduce ya to some other mates of mine," Will said. "And don't be stingy here, alright? It's an open bar."</p><p>"Damn, whose party is this?" Ruby asked, having to lean in a bit in order for Will to hear her.</p><p>"It's put on by the management agency I work with," Will explained. "It's y'know, like a mixer for some possible new talent and mostly just them spending the rest of what money I pay 'em so they can keep askin' me to pay it." Ruby nodded in understanding.</p><p>"So what you're saying," she said, "Is that drinks are technically on you?" Will laughed.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah I suppose so. But still, try and have as many as you can so their boss ends up with a hefty tab." It seemed like many other partygoers had the same intention of racking up a bill for the company throwing the party. Several people were already visibly drunk, and stumbling up to the bar to refill their glasses. This surprisingly felt more like a club than any type of mixer she'd ever attended, but she also wasn't the type to seek out events like this often. It was refreshing.</p><p>"You've got it man." Will laughed at her as they walked toward the bar. Will was stopped by someone Ruby didn't recognize, and she took a step to the side to not intrude while they were laughing about something. Will called her back after just a moment, and introduced her to his manager. She offered a hand and was met with the sweaty palm of a man who made too much money, which became very distinct and predictable once you'd shaken enough of them.</p><p>"Nice of you to join us tonight, how'd Will manage upon a gal like you?" His name was Jerry, and Ruby thought he looked like one as well.</p><p>"He happened to stumble across me over coffee, I am working with him as a designer at the moment." She replied. Jerry raised his eyebrows.</p><p>"Ah, well then that's great to hear. You could do better than him anyway." They both chuckled a bit and Will rolled his eyes when Ruby agreed with him.</p><p>"I know." She said, earning another eyeroll. "It was nice to meet you Jerry, I'll see you around."</p><p>They finally made it to get drinks, after saying a quick hello to just a few other people, and by the time they made eye contact with a bartender, Will was asking for four shots. Ruby stared at him.</p><p>"Four?" She asked.</p><p>"Yeah," He replied, "Just two for both of us to start with?" The bartender slid four shot glasses across the counter within seconds, and Ruby stared at them. Two shots was a whole night out for her, not a just getting started type of thing. She glanced back at Will, who was ready to go with the first one in his hand.</p><p>"Will, I don't know if this is a good idea." Ruby said.</p><p>"Ah come on," Will grabbed one of the little glasses and handed it to her. "Live a little. What's the worst that could happen?"</p><p>And with that, they drank.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After a few hours, Will was teetering on the edge of tipsy and flat out drunk, and Ruby wasn't far behind. She'd refused the last two shots offered, not interested in drinking to oblivion no matter who was paying. Stephen had found them again after about an hour and stumbled— not walked— straight into Will's arms.</p><p>"Mate, I am so drunk!" He giggled. "Why can't we get free alcohol all the time?" Will threw an arm around his shoulder and laughed with him, and as they drunkenly chattered Ruby decided to venture around on her own, a wave of confidence pulling her forward.</p><p>Meeting people was much easier by herself, without Will there attempting to facilitate interactions. Everyone else being much more drunk than she was helped immensely, too. She was in the middle of talking with a video editor when a hand gently tapped her shoulder. She turned to look at a woman who looked almost too young to be at an event like this.</p><p>"Hi," she began, "Are you Ruby Francis?" Ruby nodded, blushing profusely. She didn't recognize the person in front of her, and felt bad. The woman's eyes went wide. "Oh my god, I seriously love your work. I'm so sorry, this is really awkward—"</p><p>"No! Don't apologize, oh my goodness." Ruby cut her off, waving her hand. "What's your name?"</p><p>"I'm Jane," she offered a hand and Ruby shook it. "I am like, wow. I'm a little star struck I won't lie, I've been following you for some time now and like, I just heard you were here and then I saw you and I'm like," Jane made a little squealing sound, and Ruby laughed at her enthusiasm. It felt nice to be the one being recognized after watching Will get bombarded by people who knew him.</p><p>"You're a breath of fresh air, girlfriend." Ruby said, and squeezed the woman's shoulder. "I feel like a celebrity!" They laughed, and Ruby began asking Jane about her design work, who she knew here, how she got started, and other questions. Jane was flushed, and tripped over her words, obviously not prepared to talk about herself. Ruby wasn't sure how long had passed by the time Will came into view. He was still looking around, she had spotted him first. Her third drink was almost gone, and she considered asking him to get her another, but she decided against it.</p><p>When Will finally spotted Ruby, she waved, and he smiled and started in her direction. Jane, who up until that point had been asking Ruby for some advice regarding her website, did a double take as she spotted Will walking their way.</p><p>"Oh my god do you know him?" She gasped, "I mean, oh my god that's so embarrassing I'm just like, I watch his youtube videos." Ruby laughed at the starstruck look in the girl's eyes, she was glad Will didn't have the same effect on her.</p><p>"Yeah, I do."</p><p>"Oi, so you," Will pointed a very drunken finger toward Ruby, "just left me to fend for myself out there." He turned the same finger on the crowd of people in front of them. Ruby felt her cheeks get redder as Will moved closer. Jane stood there and waited to be introduced.</p><p>"I am not a babysitter," She commented and tried to redirect his attention to Jane. "This is Jane. She watches your videos." Will turned to acknowledge her, and she smiled hesitantly.</p><p>"Hi, oh my god it's so nice to meet you," she said, and Will threw a friendly arm over her shoulders.</p><p>"It's a right pleasure, miss Jane. I honestly can't believe people are still watching my shite when there's plenty 'a better people up on Youtube nowadays." He laughed, and Jane went wide eyed.</p><p>"You-you are so funny, I just like, you've got a good personality and—"</p><p>"Oi, you're gonna make me blush," Will laughed, "I didn't mean for that to be a fish for compliments by any regard, I'm right honored to have lovely people like yous still watching my videos." Jane was beet red and had a smile plastered across her face, and Ruby could tell that she didn't know what to say.</p><p>"You sound like you're fishing for compliments still," Ruby commented. "Jane was just telling me that she's an up and coming designer." Will turned to look at Jane in shock.</p><p>"Oi, mate, that's what Ruby does! She's like, proper brilliant with allat, you should talk with her about it." Jane laughed, and Ruby shook her head.</p><p>"I, yeah I love her work, I'm a big fan," Jane told him.</p><p>"Shite, didn't realize Ruby was one 'a those people you could spot in a crowd!" Will crunched his eyebrows together at his own comment. "That's not what I meant."</p><p>"Thanks Will," Ruby said sarcastically.</p><p>"I meant like your uh, your designs and such, I didn't realize you had your face up there with 'em. I didn't mean that like, you aren't beautiful. I could spot you anywhere."</p><p>"Um," It was Ruby's turn to go wide-eyed, "You are very drunk. Thank you, but you are drunk." Will looked at Jane, then back to her, and realized he had overstepped. In that same moment, Ruby also realized he was not actually as drunk as his words sounded.</p><p>"Right you are, ma'am," he said anyway. "I shall leave you two to finish your discussion, and you can find me when you're done being a celebrity."</p><p>"Thanks." Ruby said. Will offered a hand to Jane, who was still looking shocked.</p><p>"It was a true pleasure, Jane," he said.</p><p>"Uh, oh my god, yeah, yes same to you. Very nice to meet you." She replied.</p><p>Once Will was out of earshot, Jane turned to Ruby, still shocked.</p><p>"Are you two..."</p><p>"We- no. No we're just working together on a project right now. We are not together." Ruby hurried to explain when she realized what Jane had been hinting at. Jane nodded.</p><p>"Oh, duh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ask that. I just, I don't even know why I asked that." Jane looked embarrassed. "There are just rumors going around that he's got a girlfriend, but her name is like Mary or something." Ruby didn't comment, she had no clue what to say. "Sorry, I-I am making a fool of myself." Jane finally blurted out.</p><p>"It's okay, I understand. When I first started working with big names I always got flustered," Ruby tried to make her new acquaintance feel more comfortable, but cringed at how it came out. "I mean like, I've been there girl. I get it."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Eventually, Jane's friends found her and pulled her away to meet someone else, but not before Ruby told the girl she was more than welcome to send her a message if she ever needed help with anything. Jane looked like she could've burst into tears, and thanked Ruby profusely before walking away. She was starting to sober up and wandered back to the bar, and found Stephen also ordering himself another drink.</p><p>"RUBY! Oh... my god. Ruby," He was very drunk. "Will's been searchin for you everywhere, said you were gonna leave him. I told him you would totally," he stopped to take a very long sip of his new drink, "told 'im you would totally leave him if you got a chance." Stephen laughed at himself. Ruby awkwardly smiled at the man she'd met just hours prior.</p><p>"Where is Will?" She asked. Stephen was taking another drink and just shrugged, but waited around while Ruby spoke to the bartender. As she was being handed a new glass, Stephen gave her a heavy nudge.</p><p>"Oi, let's do shots." He said.</p><p>"Oh, I don't really know—"</p><p>"TWO SHOTS!"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The third shot Ruby tried to take ended up mostly running down her neck because she couldn't stop giggling, and Stephen cheered as she set down the glass.</p><p>"OH MY GOD YOU DID IT!" He shouted. "You said you couldn't handle shots and yet here you are, TAKING FUCKING SHOTS." Ruby looked at him and he was starting to look a little bit fuzzy as the alcohol kicked in.</p><p>"Just because I took the shots doesn't mean I'm going to be able to handle it," she said. "I'm gonna feel this in a few minutes and it is going to be awful and it will also be all your fault." Ruby wobbled a bit in her heels and she and Stephen started laughing again, and with each moment Ruby felt her body getting heavier, and less steady.</p><p>"Will is like, he's like gonna be drunk." Stephen said. "He's gonna want to kiss you and you just say 'NO' because he like, really wants to kiss you." She was holding herself up by the table, and despite the alcohol in her system she understood him very clearly.</p><p>"He's not going to do that," She said, "I've got a boyfriend and he's got a girlfriend and we're just working together. I mean like, we're friends, but he doesn't want to kiss me." This made Stephen start laughing again, and before Ruby could continue to defend herself and Will, she felt a hand on her arm, and suddenly Will was there next to her, looking just as drunk.</p><p>"Oi, whaddid you say 'at's got him like that?" Will was steady on his feet, but his words blended together and gave him away.</p><p>"See Ruby I TOLD YOU," Stephen shouted. Ruby rolled her eyes and regretted it as the room took a few seconds to come back into focus.</p><p>"We're drunk," she explained to Will. "And Stephen here is saying stupid shit."</p><p>"He always says stupid shit," Will countered. "Look, we're thinking about taking the whole party back to my place, you okay with that?" Ruby nodded and grabbed onto his arm to steady herself. He didn't mention it and she held on. They made their way to the coat check, and Will handed Ruby her phone. They grabbed her jacket, and without waiting for anyone else Will led her to the door.</p><p>"Oh my goodness, Will," Ruby could tell her words were dragging out of her mouth slowly, and she had to hold both his arms to steady herself and look at him. "What about everyone else?"</p><p>"They're coming, they're just makin all the rounds and sayin goodbye to those wankers who aren't invited back," he explained. "But they know where I live, and how to get there even when they're like, totally smashed."</p><p>"Duh, okay, of course."</p><p>"You, on the other hand would get very, very lost." Will giggled as Ruby nodded her head slowly.</p><p>"I totally would, I would get so lost. I don't even know which apartment is yours!" She said as they walked out the door and into the frigid night air, gesturing at the tall buildings all around them.</p><p>"See I told you— oh, woah there," One of Ruby's legs gave out from under her, and she fell into Will. "Watch where you're walkin' eh?" He joked.</p><p>"Oh my goodness. I am way drunker than I thought— well actually, no, I told Stephen I knew I would get drunk and that I would get really drunk and then he still gave me another shot." Ruby explained. He chuckled and shook his head.</p><p>Will wrapped an arm firmly around her waist and, as they continued back to his apartment, Ruby let him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Will's apartment was already almost full by the time they arrived. Ruby had felt dizzy, and rested her head on his shoulder for just a moment before she let go and he opened the door. They were greeted by drunken cheers, and people in less formal clothes. She let herself get jostled between strangers and she gave out hugs and high fives to all who offered, but finally managed to make it to the kitchen, where she searched for something non-alcoholic.</p><p>"You need any help?" A stranger materialized beside her, and all she could do was nod and continue her search. "I'd love to offer it to you, but you've got to actually tell me what you need help with," He continued sarcastically. She nodded again, and put both hands on the counter to steady herself while she formulated her words.</p><p>"I need some water... and some ibuprofen." She mumbled. The mascara she had carefully swiped over her eyelashes was now weighing her eyelids down, and she was remembering that getting drunk was not as fun as it was made out to be.</p><p>"A'right, you good?" Before Ruby could answer, the man next to her had already determined that answer. "Why don't you go like, sit down for a minute and take a breather. That's Will's room, he won't mind you poppin' in there for a minute. I'll grab you some water and something for your head, Will's a terrible friend when he's drunk." He pointed towards a door, and gave Ruby a gentle nudge in its direction.</p><p>"Okay, I um, where's the bathroom? Can I have some like... can I have a snack too?"</p><p>"Yeah, sure I'll grab you somethin', there's a bathroom in there as well. Just don't vomit on anything you don't want to pay for," The guy chuckled at his own joke, and his eyes squinted when he smiled. "Just go on, you'll be fine."</p><p>"I'm not going to vomit, I'm not drunk like that," Ruby said as she walked towards the door, "I'm just like regular drunk."</p><p>"Sure you are."</p><p>Ruby opened the door and shut it quickly, breathing in a deep sigh of relief as the noise was finally muffled. There was a bed a few steps away, and she fell onto it, struggling to take her shoes off while one of her arms was squished under her body. She stayed flopped over on the bed until the door opened and shut again, and the same man from the kitchen was in front of her with a large glass of water and a sleeve of crackers.</p><p>"I'm George," he said. "Forgot to introduce myself out there." He offered her the water first, then the snack.</p><p>"I'm Ruby, and this is not usually how I introduce myself." They both laughed, and then Ruby paused, making the connection. "Wait, you're George?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"The meme guy?"</p><p>"Uh, yeah. Close enough."</p><p>"Hmm."</p><p>George glanced at her, waiting for clarification. When none came, he asked, "What?"</p><p>"Uh, oh. I don't know. I guess I like, forgot that you had a real face under the umm, the thing." Ruby waved her hand in front of her face, unable to conjure up the word bandana.</p><p>"Yeah, well that's two of us then." George hung around for a moment and Ruby gulped down her glass of water and shoved a couple crackers in her mouth. She didn't feel good by any means, but she didn't feel quite as bad. "I'll let you get sorted then, I think that's your purse as well." George pointed to her bag, which was sitting in a desk chair in front of a rather elaborate camera set up.</p><p>"Okay, thank you so much for helping me, I just like..." Ruby searched for a coherent thought. "Stephen had me doing shots and stuff and I don't usually do shots." George burst into genuine laughter at this.</p><p>"Oh fuck, 'course he did. Oh god you poor woman. I am genuinely sorry about that." She shrugged, working on a few more crackers. "Right then, take your time, the party will most definitely be here when you're ready." With that, George left her alone once more.</p><p>Ruby, now barefoot and a little more steady, went over to her purse and whispered a small yes under her breath when she opened her purse to reveal a travel sized package of makeup wipes. She took her makeup off and went into the bathroom to rinse her face with some water, and when she pulled her head up she was finally feeling better.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The sound of the party got louder for a moment and disappeared again, and Ruby sucked in a breath as Will walked into the bathroom.</p><p>"Ah, thought I might find you in here," He said, "George said he grabbed you some water? You alright then?"</p><p>"Yeah, just a little drunk still." Will nodded slowly.</p><p>"Right, right. Well look, I don't uh, don't want to make things weird..."</p><p>"But you're going to?" She interjected.</p><p>"Well, yeah. I was gonna offer some sweats or a sweatshirt or somethin since you've just got your dress. I've got a few things that'd probably fit you."</p><p>"What, are you calling me fat?" She joked.</p><p>"Yep." He deadpanned. Ruby furrowed her brows. "Nah, I'm just giving you shite. You're taller 'n most people who get drunk in my flat so it's a bit easier to offer you clothes." He opened the closet door and grabbed a few hoodies off the hangers, and a pair of sweats as well.</p><p>"Cool, I appreciate it." Ruby mumbled. Will nodded, and came to stand by her.</p><p>"No problem." He paused, and Ruby could feel the hesitation strung out in front of him. He stepped forward a bit. "Look, I... I'm a little drunk. So just... just tell me if I should stop." Their eyes met and Ruby held her breath, not sure what would happen next.</p><p>Will closed the distance between them.</p><p>Ruby felt his lips crush against hers and she electricity shot through her body. He reached up and cupped her face, and instead of pushing him away Ruby felt her chest to draw in towards him. The way he kissed her was desperate and wanting. Hungry. His hands lingered on her jawline for a short while before moving to her waist, pulling her in closer.</p><p>Ruby felt alive in a way she hadn't before.</p><p>Will began to push her backwards and she let him lower her down onto the bed. He had a knee wedged in between her legs and she felt herself clinging to him.</p><p>"Will," She murmured. He paused and looked down at her, something flashing across his eyes. She didn't know what to say, and instead grabbed his head and pulled him back toward her. Ruby didn't know what had come over her, but she needed this. She needed him.</p><p>Time passed in movements. By the time she considered what they were doing, Will's hands were on her thigh underneath the velvet skirt of her dress, and the zipper on the back was coming undone as it got caught on the sheets. She shivered at the feeling of his fingers brushing against her hips, running over her bare skin, tracing the waistband of her underwear.</p><p>"Ruby, I don't know what I'm doing," he mumbled into her neck. "I just, I'm sorry. I wanted you, I should've asked, not just..." Ruby nodded.</p><p>"Yeah you should have asked." She said, and pulled him back to her mouth. She felt something burning in her chest. Guilt, desire, aliveness.</p><p>"You're drunk, and I'm drunk." Will kept talking in between kissing her, touching her, pushing his body in closer.</p><p>Ruby nodded, but that same burning in her chest told her one thing for sure.</p><p>She had never been more sober.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. chapter nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will's hands were on her hips, pulling Ruby up toward him. She let him fumble with the zipper on her dress and she gasped as his hands met the skin of her back. Warm, solid.</p><p>"Ruby," Will murmured into her neck, "we should stop..." his words were halfhearted and his body didn't follow, and Ruby felt his weight press her into the mattress even more. Her heart was racing, and she couldn't find a coherent thought to save her life, all the could think about was him, on top of her, kissing her, touching her, the way her dress was riding up her legs and the way she didn't even care. Finally, Will pushed himself up long enough for them to both take a deep breath and stare at each other.</p><p>"What was that?" Ruby asked. She asked more for herself, she needed to put words to the way her body was reacting. Once again, the memory of Will walking her to her apartment surfaced. His hand had left an imprint, an IOU, a note. I'm not done. Ruby had been waiting for him to finish what he started that night, and she was just realizing it. Will rested his forehead on her shoulder.</p><p>"I-I don't know what came over me," He said. "Genuinely, I didn't mean to—"</p><p>"You don't have to apologize," Ruby mumbled. "I didn't stop you." Their bodies were still tangled together, Ruby's dress pushed up too far.</p><p>"You're drunk. This was all me, you didn't even get the chance to stop me, Ruby I—"</p><p>"I didn't want to stop you." Ruby whispered this time. She was staring at the ceiling, the last several moments going around and around in her head. "I didn't want to stop you." She said again. They didn't speak for a few more moments.</p><p>Finally, Will shifted.</p><p>"Look, we need to go back out there. People are gonna wonder." Ruby nodded. "I'll head out and I'll just uh, I'll tell anyone who asks that you just... you got sick or somethin." Will cringed at the lie.</p><p>"That's fine, I'll just um, I'll just stay here and I'll change into something else," Ruby decided. "I'll be out soon." They nodded awkwardly, and sat up.</p><p>"Look, Ruby, I'm so sorry, you're drunk and I'm drunk and I don't know why I did that. I-I'm so sorry, I couldn't help it."</p><p>"I have a lot to think about," Ruby said to him. He nodded, of course. "If it's okay with you, I think I'd like to sleep over here tonight." This surprised both of them, but Will agreed.</p><p>"That's totally fine." Ruby let him know she would be out there soon, and as soon as he was gone the weight of what had happened hit her. They had kissed. No, they had surpassed just kissing. She felt very sober.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Ruby finally changed into Will's offered sweats and hoodie and went back out to join the crowd, the amount of people had drastically shrunken, leaving only around twenty people in the kitchen and living room area. Alex was one of those people, and he spotted her and came around to say hi. He asked about the party, the drinks, the girl named Jane — Will had told him— and how she liked it. She tried to get invested in the conversation in front of her, but it was near impossible. She felt herself drifting back to Will. Alex noticed.</p><p>"You alright? You need a drink or something?" He asked, trying to get her attention back. She nodded, and asked for some water. Alex filled up a new glass for her. They continued to chat about the party, and Alex graciously didn't push his inquiry when Ruby continued gazing off and didn't speak for moments at a time. She was trying to wrap her head around everything. Will was on the other side of the room, chatting with a group of guys, and when they made eye contact, Ruby quickly looked away, worried someone would see straight through her.</p><p>As their night dwindled to an end in the early hours of the morning, Ruby was left with Will, James, Alex, and George. While she didn't know them well, she felt a little more comfortable than she had been with dozens of strangers.</p><p>"You need some help cleaning up?" James yawned.</p><p>"Nah, I should be alright then," Will waved him off. "Stop by tomorrow 'n maybe that'll change. But I'm a'right for now." They were all sitting on the couch, and Ruby was on the opposite end of Will, her head resting on the armrest. Her eyes were closed when James stood up to leave, and as much as she wanted to say goodbye, she couldn't bring herself to open them.</p><p>"Right then, I'm leaving, I'll be round later tomorrow then for that video we talked about?" Ruby heard everyone mumble in agreement, and as the door opened Alex also spoke.</p><p>"George, I don't know about you but I'm gonna go as well, this was as much socializing as I'd like to do today." Ruby managed to crack open an eyelid enough to see both men get up. Will walked them to the door and to say goodbye, and she heard them mumbling about something, she recognized her name but nothing else. Her heart beat picked up when the door shut. They were alone again.</p><p>"Ruby?" Will murmured, looking over the side of the couch at her. She was exhausted, but now her blood was full of adrenaline and she waited with anticipation. She looked up at him. "Look, I-I don't really know how to go about this."</p><p>"What, kissing me?" Ruby responded sarcastically.</p><p>"I mean, not kissing you, but like... kissing you in this situation." Ruby nodded, a lump forming in her throat as the brief thought of Jake crossed her mind. Guilt rode up her shoulders and she pushed it back down. It was uncomfortable.</p><p>"Why don't you let me deal with my own shit and you can deal with yours," she said. "But that was... that was..." Ruby searched for words that weren't desperate and needy, that didn't reveal how much she had been yearning for his touch. She watched as Will walked around to the front of the couch. He hesitated for a brief moment before sitting next to her, and reaching a tentative hand back out to her. She took a deep breath as his fingers bumped along her jaw line, and she watched the battle between good and feels good play out on his face as he made his decision.</p><p>This time, he kissed her softly, worried and reserved, and Ruby followed his lead, her pounding heart drowning out any concerns.</p><p>He tasted like alcohol and there was something heavy that lingered on her tongue whenever he paused to look at her and check in, to make sure he wasn't overstepping. She closed her eyes and leaned into his warmth, exhausted. Her hands found the bottom of his shirt and pushed underneath, and she smiled at the sound of his gasp. He followed suit, running his hands over her back. He pulled away for a moment.</p><p>"Are you... you're not wearing a bra?" He asked. She couldn't tell if this was good or bad.</p><p>"I... no, I'm not." Will's hands travelled from her back slowly around to her chest, and he watched her reaction as his fingers traced over her nipples. Ruby's cheeks were furiously hot, and she tried to modulate the way her body responded. He kissed her again, but not before slipping his own hoodie off of her. She laughed when it got stuck on her chin, and choked on a gasp as Will's lips found her sternum, kissing and gently biting down her chest. His shirt was riding up his sides and in a moment, he had ripped it off. The apartment was near silent, but the sound of their breathing filled up the space and made it feel huge.</p><p>Will stood abruptly and told Ruby he'd be back in a moment. She waited on the couch feeling very exposed in just the sweatpants that had been given to her, and waited for him. There was some shuffling from Will's room and then he was back. Ruby noted his very prominent boner through his own sweats as he approached. He leaned down to kiss her again, and this time he moved his hands to her hips and tucked his thumb under her waist band. She lifted her hips and helped him take off the last pieces of clothing she had on. Her throat played host to anxious butterflies as her heart beat into a frenzy. He held the armrest to steady himself as he also finished getting undressed.</p><p>He sat back on the couch for a moment and stared at her. Ruby felt very conscious of the way she was lying there, the way her hair fell over her shoulders, the way her knees knocked together while she too looked at Will.</p><p>"You're beautiful." He said. His eyes were on hers. "Absolutely stunning."</p><p>"You're about to fuck me, of course you're going to say that." Will blushed.</p><p>"I never... not if you don't want to. Maybe I was gonna offer." Ruby felt a tiny burst of confidence as she leaned forward and grabbed his sweatpants that were already on the floor. She reached into his pockets and pulled out a condom. He was caught. "I said I was gonna offer."</p><p>Instead of responding, Ruby opened the little packet with shaking hands. Will was wide eyed and obviously trying to play it cool, but she wondered if he had actually expected this.</p><p>She hadn't.</p><p>Will placed a hand on Ruby's back and guided her down. It felt like being laid down for slaughter by her own allowance, she felt wrong for wanting it. He hesitated and reached down with a few fingers to gently push into her, and she let out a gasp.</p><p>It was electricity.</p><p>He guided himself and slowly sank into her. He took a steadying breath and looked at her for permission to continue. Ruby could barely speak. She shakily jerked her hips up a little, trying to get Will to move, please, keep going. He went slowly and steadily, and she tried not to moan with every movement. She was on the edge. She felt full and overwhelmed by the experience. He kept going.</p><p>"Will," she choked out. He stopped, looking down at her. "No, no don't... don't stop, please."</p><p>"Oh, okay..." The next thrust was bigger and faster, and her body swelled with the movement.</p><p>"Oh god," she whimpered. Will buried his face into her neck and pounded into her, and Ruby tipped over the edge, searching for anything to hold. She squeezed his arms as an orgasm rocked through her body, shooting down her legs and into her core, making her cry out in surprise. Will followed suit a moment later, pressing himself back into her and groaning along with the small, stuttering movements of his hips. Her legs shook and her body began to shiver. Will collapsed, still inside of her, and wrapped his arms around her middle.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The two silently laid on the couch in silence for a few minutes.</p><p>Will was the first to speak.</p><p>"Is this okay?" It was soft, quiet. Ruby let out a small laugh.</p><p>"I mean, no. I don't think so."</p><p>"That's fair." He paused. "I guess I meant... like, are you okay with this?"</p><p>Ruby thought for a moment. Guilt sent a shiver down her spine. She'd never considered herself this type of person, she didn't know she had it in herself.</p><p>"That's a difficult question." She admitted. "Are you okay with this?"</p><p>They sat for a moment, the reality of what they had done settling around them.</p><p>"I don't think I have an answer."</p><p>They were quiet as they both made their way to the bathroom to clean themselves up. Will slipped into some new boxers and offered a pair to Ruby. She accepted and put the shirt Will had been wearing earlier on as well, feeling strikingly shy despite having just been very naked in front of him.</p><p>As Ruby sank into Will's bed, she couldn't think of anything except for Will, and how they'd fit together in a way Ruby had never experienced with anyone else. He climbed in next to her, and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her in. He left a few small kisses on her shoulder.</p><p>"What are you thinking about?" He murmured. She shrugged.</p><p>"Everything."</p><p>He didn't reply. Ruby closed her eyes with only the thought of Will's arm around her, and the feeling of his fingers tracing little patterns over skin, lulling her to sleep.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Ruby woke up the next morning, Will was already awake, and was sitting up in bed reading The Great Gatsby with no shirt on. He glanced at her.</p><p>"Oi, good morning sleepy head." She groaned a reply and rubbed her hands over her face, and memories of last night flooded her mind. Her heart dropped. He put the book down for a moment, and she knew he was searching for words.</p><p>"Did that actually happen?" She asked. He just nodded. "Okay."</p><p>"I uh, I hope you don't regret it." He said. "Not that I have a say, but you know. I just... I don't." She was surprised by this admittance.</p><p>"I need to process everything."</p><p>"That's fair." He turned back to the pages, but she could tell he hadn't said everything he meant to.</p><p>"What is it?" She prompted him. Will just shook his head.</p><p>"I don't want to put you in any type 'a position... but I've never felt like that. With anyone." He said.</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"And I guess I'll just leave it at this: if you want this, so do I."</p><p>"Oh." She laid next to him and stared at the ceiling. Her mind was blank. "I don't know what to say."</p><p>"That's okay, I don't want you to feel cornered. I just thought I should get that out there."</p><p>"Okay." She tried to consider the consequences, but she'd already made up her mind. She'd decided the first night Will walked her home. "I want this too."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. chapter ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was around eleven in the morning and Will had moved to sit at his computer desk, staring blankly at his computer mouse. He didn't think about Maria. He couldn't. Not when he'd just been consumed by a fire that burned into him so deeply it felt like a drag off a cigarette. Maria didn't feel like that. Ruby was pulling on a pair of joggers he'd given her, a sweater, and a pair of socks.</p><p>"I don't have any shoes." She said, and this pulled him out of his head long enough to think about what was happening in front of him.</p><p>"You can borrow some slides," he said, pointing back into the closet. "They might be too big but nobody'll notice, especially if you're just goin back to your place." Ruby mumbled her thanks and Will couldn't bring himself to stand up and meet her in the middle of his bedroom and grab her in his arms and kiss her again until he couldn't breathe even though he wanted to. He moved his eyes to his computer screen, where his own face glanced at him. He quickly turned away.</p><p>"I'm gonna leave then," Ruby said. They were quiet for a moment. Ruby had a boyfriend to go back to, a boyfriend who asked her about marriage and took her out for dinner and had known her for years. Will thought he must not be that great if he could get up right now and snog her and she would kiss him back. He wanted a cigarette.</p><p>Ruby was still waiting for him, standing awkwardly in the doorway. She was wearing one of his sweaters. He liked that one. It looked normal on Ruby, who was tall and lanky with small boobs and small hips. She was not particularly beautiful and seeing her in his sweater made Will feel sick because he didn't know what he had just done. Maria always looked beautiful in his clothes, like a gift waiting to be unwrapped.</p><p>"Right okay, let's get you out of here then." He cringed at his own words but Ruby didn't seem to mind.</p><p>"Yeah, probably best for both of us." She laughed at her comment and it gave Will permission to laugh too. Ruby had her dress in her hands and her purse clutched under her arm.</p><p>"So," Will started. "Let's uh... let's talk later then." He felt himself blushing and this moment felt like a scene from grade school superimposed onto something dark, corrupt and inappropriate. Ruby nodded. Will started kissing her again and thought that was good enough, and maybe he hadn't actually wanted a cigarette. </p><p>He couldn't keep himself from touching her, reaching under his sweater and holding onto her hips and then pulling her closer. It wasn't close enough, he wanted more. He wasn't sure where this desperation was coming from but he knew it was terrible of him to keep allowing himself to give in. Ruby's boyfriend had already claimed her as his own.</p><p> </p><p>Will collapsed onto the sofa the moment Ruby left, his mind spinning as he tried to decide what to do. He was already under scrutiny from fans and friends alike who were trying to figure out what was going on in his relationship with Maria, and now he had gone and added another piece to the puzzle. </p><p>Maria was beautiful, it was easy for Will to be attracted to her—everyone was. She had a beautiful smile and cocoa thighs that gave way to full hips, and she was beautiful. All his friends would look and glance away quickly when she walked into a room, and that made him feel amazing, because he got to keep looking.</p><p>Of course, last night Ruby also turned heads, and this time all of his friends stared and didn't feel like they had to look away and rage crept into his blood just thinking about one of his friends laying their hands on her. Will had watched them follow Ruby around the room with their eyes, offering her drinks and a place to sit, a place to hang her coat. She was very graceful when she walked and always polite. He liked that about her. He finally picked up his phone and saw several messages. Maria wanted to know where he was, how the event had gone, when she could come over.</p><p>I'm not feelin too hot. Maybe tomo. He sent her a text only replying to the last question. James had also sent him a text minutes after he'd left.</p><p>???</p><p>Will replied back What? even though he had an idea of what James was implying. He got a response almost immediately.</p><p>Ruby?</p><p>He didn't know how to respond.</p><p>You interested? He laughed, knowing that's not what James was asking. When he got a response, he didn't open it. Instead, he drafted a text for Ruby.</p><p>I want to see you again. He hesitated over the send button, and when his message went out into the world, into Ruby's pocket, he felt sick.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Winter was persistent and the cold gnawed on Ruby's nose as she walked around her apartment. She had been going in circles since she got home, anxiously trying to clean up her apartment because taking a shower would give her too much time alone with her thoughts. She had tried to play some music, but every song made her think of Will and she didn't want to do that right now.</p><p>Thankfully, by the time she had managed to distract herself with a less intrusive thought, her phone chirped in her pocket to let her know that he'd sent her a text.</p><p>"I don't know what to do." She said out loud. She put her phone back without replying. He wouldn't know that she'd seen it. She went into her bathroom and finally felt like she could take a shower. Her bathtub was big and beautiful, and she admired it every day. </p><p>In the mirror, she saw her body, pale and thin and she wondered what had drawn Will in. Maybe it was her being off limits. Jake always said he liked her butt, even though it wasn't anything to be proud of. </p><p>The shower curtain that hung around it was thin and white, and wrapped all the way around. The shower head was held up by a brass pole, and she turned the water pressure as high as it would go and hoped that this beautiful, amoral bathtub would cleanse her body.</p><p> </p><p>The mirror was foggy by the time she got out of the shower, and Ruby saw that her phone now had several missed text messages. Jake wanted to know how the party was. Will wanted to know how she was feeling. He wanted her to call when she saw his message. Still wrapped in a towel, hair dripping wet, Ruby dialed his number.</p><p>"Hey," he said on the other line. "How are things?" She didn't know how to respond.</p><p>"I mean, you know. I... I don't really know actually. I haven't really even had much time to consider what happened.</p><p>"Yeah, that's fair." They were quiet. Ruby thought it was easier to be quiet with him when he was sat next to her. "I meant it, what I said."</p><p>"What part?" Ruby asked, even though she was pretty sure she knew what part.</p><p>"The part about you know. About wanting this. Whatever this is. If you do."</p><p>"Oh, that part. It's just... it's difficult. I have a boyfriend." Her words were shallow and after last night they didn't hold much weight. She felt sick at the thought of touching Jake with the hands she'd used to touch someone else. Jake being in places on her body that Will had been.</p><p>"Jake, I know." Will responded.</p><p>"I don't want to hurt him." She said. "He doesn't deserve that."</p><p>"Okay, I understand." Will said.</p><p>"I just don't know what I want right now. I'm a little confused and last night was a lot to take in all at once."</p><p>"I feel the same way." Will admitted. "I'm not here to try anything, I just want to be honest with you."</p><p>"Come over." Ruby was surprised, and she could tell Will was as well. It was exhilarating to hear his hesitation, and subsequent agreement. "We can talk about all this."</p><p>Will had things to do and Ruby understood, she didn't want to pull him away from work by any means, so he agreed to come over later in the afternoon.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Will said he was on his way and Ruby's heart started racing. It felt bad, like she was doing something wrong. She was. She felt bad about it. She changed into something a little more comfortable. A pair of linen pants and a black shirt. She put on slippers and wrapped herself in a kimono she'd gotten from her best friend as a graduation present. Will knocked on her door. She answered.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>"So, last night was interesting."</p><p>Ruby laughed.</p><p>"Interesting is not the word I would use to describe what happened last night." She replied. Ruby moved into the living room. Will followed, and sat down on the couch. He was in a pair of jeans and a hoodie, Ruby recognized this as normal. He had a coat slung over his arm and he leaned his elbows on his knees, looking up at her.</p><p>"So what are we going to do?" He asked. Ruby was a bit surprised, he'd already said that he wanted this, whatever this was.</p><p>"I thought maybe you would have the answer to that question." She said.</p><p>"Oh," He said. "I don't." Ruby joined him on the couch, an appropriate distance away.</p><p>They sat in silence. They didn't come to any type of conclusion, but in a way that felt okay. So long as labels weren't given out or decided upon, there was space left for ambiguity. It was in this space that she let herself shift closer to Will.</p><p> </p><p>Jake had fucked her on this couch once. It was nice, leather, expensive. Ruby had purchased it for herself as a birthday gift and Jake's eyes had lit up when he'd seen it. I want to bend you over that. He'd spoken with such fervor that Ruby immediately wanted to deny him, to withhold the satisfaction of getting what he wanted.</p><p>She had eventually relented, as with the kitchen counter, desk, bathtub, and nearly everything else in the house. Jake liked knowing he'd fucked her in every possible place, so that she would always thinking of him. Begrudgingly, that was indeed the case. Ruby remembered how it had felt to have the top of the couch digging into her hips, her sweaty forehead pressed into the leather.</p><p> </p><p>Will had no power over her, and Ruby had no reason to give him anything. There was no forcefulness when he put his arm around her shoulder, it didn't ask a question. She wanted to reclaim every inch of her apartment, every place that had been defiled by Jake's desperate want. Will was here and the way her heart sped up made her think he would want this too.</p><p>"What are you thinking about?" Will asked.</p><p>"You." Ruby said. It was exciting to be so bold and forward. She had nothing to lose. He'd paid her for the work she'd done, it was behind them. They did not know the same people. Their lives were completely separate, brought together only by the slightest chance. It was thrilling.</p><p>"What about me?" She could tell her words had an effect on him and wanted to see how far she could push this, whatever it was. He was being a flirt, but she held all the cards.</p><p>"I was thinking about fucking you."</p><p>"Oh." He blushed. "Like, in a good way then?"</p><p>"I don't know... more of just a holy shit that actually happened kind of way."</p><p>"Yeah, me too." Will said. "I mean, it was nice, if I do say so."</p><p>Ruby agreed. They were still unsure of how to proceed. Ruby imagined how daring and sexy it would be if she could just get up from the couch and walk into her bedroom, gesturing Will to follow from his spot on the couch. She imagined that he would be shocked, and hesitant to follow, but that it wouldn't last and he would collapse on top of her and start kissing her again, like he had last night.</p><p>"You off somewhere else?" Will joked, bringing her back to the present moment. The apartment held its breath.</p><p>"Yeah, just... just still a little bit.." she fluttered her fingers dismissively, uninterested in extrapolating.</p><p>"Still thinkin about fucking me, eh?"</p><p>Ruby turned beet red. "Maybe."</p><p>Will shifted his body so he could face Ruby. </p><p>She liked the way he always seemed to know how to move. When Ruby was in a new space, she worried about the way her elbows were bending, or how her back sank into an unfamiliar seat, or how her shins were too tall and her knees were always in the way. Her limbs were awkward and unavoidable and she never knew how some people could exist comfortably in their bodies. It made her jealous. Will was blissfully unaware of that privilege ad he began speaking to her.</p><p>"I just don't think we need to put any labels on this or anything. We were both pretty drunk I think, and we don't even know where it started." He offered this option but it didn't feel genuine. It didn't feel like their drunkenness was to blame. "I mean, it won't happen again."</p><p>"I want it to happen again." The words had left her lips and as they became real she felt regret and wondered if she could reach out and shove them back in, shove them down with all her organs that kept trying to leave her body, her incessantly churning stomach, her heart that wouldn't stop racing. Her throat constricted every time she tried to say something to Will and her mouth decided what to tell him.</p><p>"You just keep surprising me, then." Will muttered. "Oi, I don't know what the hell I'm trying to do here. I've barely been able to stop thinkin about you all day. I was just drunk last night, it was nothin to do with you. It was my own fault and now that it's happened..." He left this thought hanging. Ruby thought maybe he too, wanted to shove that sentence back into his mouth and move on and pretend he had not said it.</p><p>"So you weren't... this wasn't really about me. You were just horny and drunk." Ruby asked, trying to clarify and move past this as poignantly as she could. This should not have come as a surprise.</p><p>"That's... partially." He admitted. Ruby stood up from the couch. She wished she had been able to see through him. He had a girlfriend and she was essentially a stranger, he had no reason to treat her as more than a convenience.</p><p>"I think I'd like you to go now, I don't think this was a good idea." She was shaking. Jake would be crushed, all due to her own drunken mistakes and her inability to listen. Whatever dream land she had entered into last night crumbled around her as Will tried to shove his words back in his mouth. She watched him and couldn't listen because she knew Jake would be so disappointed.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Will finally relented. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."</p><p>"It's okay," Ruby said. "We were drunk, it's really nothing. We don't have to talk about it." Will left and she went to bed.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. chapter eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She called Jake when she woke up and told him about the party, the free drinks, and about Jane. He told her about his plane ride and the wintery Italian countryside. She told him about Will's house and meeting his friends. She left out the parts he wouldn't want to know and threw up after he'd said goodbye.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maria came over and Will broke up with her after fucking her in the same spot on the couch where he'd fucked Ruby. She cried and asked him why and he couldn't bring himself to tell her so he just said that he didn't know. He didn't, really. He didn't know who he had become in the last few weeks. He turned off his phone because Maria told his friends and now they wanted to know what was going on and he didn't want to say it over and over again to everyone. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.</p><p>He hadn't been able to articulate to Ruby and whatever he'd ended up saying was wrong, so now he couldn't call her either. He didn't want to interrupt her. She was completely separate from his normal life, another world away. She was a different type of person and one he would likely never run into again if he didn't want to. But he did want to see her again. He had even told her so. Will had thought they were going to fuck again at her apartment and then she told him to leave instead and he was confused.</p><p>Someone knocked at his door. When he didn't answer, they knocked again.</p><p>"Will? Are you in there?" James asked, his voice muffled by the door.</p><p>"No." He called back. The door handle turned and Will groaned because he hadn't locked it when he'd gotten home.</p><p>"Hey." Said James. Will begrudgingly greeted him, but felt better knowing he was there, possibly the only person he could talk to about this without word getting around to everyone else. James had always been a good friend and confidant. He sat by Will on the couch.</p><p>"We..." He started and he couldn't say it out loud. It felt terrible to admit.</p><p>"Oh my god." James said, understanding anyway. Will was grateful, sort of. "When? Before or after you broke up with Maria?"</p><p>James once again understood his silence. "You're a much shittier person than I thought you were then." Will winced. "You don't get to sit here and feel sorry for yourself much now, you've fucked up and you've got to deal with those consequences."</p><p>"Oi, you don't have to be a twat about it, alright?"</p><p>"You just seem very upset for someone who made an objectively bad decision."</p><p>"Yeah." Said Will. "It's because I went and made an objectively bad decision."</p><p>James allowed him this, and didn't make any further comments until Will decided to talk, hoping to come a conclusion of sorts.</p><p>"I just feel like I made the right decision at the end, you know, with Maria. It wasn't going anywhere and it wasn't fair to keep leadin her around like it was." James nodded. It felt clinical and Will considered that he could really use a proper therapist so he didn't have to keep asking his friends, but that took effort.</p><p>"It's not like Ruby really wanted anything to do with me, anyway. She sent me away when I tried to go and explain myself."</p><p>"You mean you went over after you broke up with Maria?"</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"She's got a full on boyfriend. Were you thinking she would just find a whim within herself to leave him for you? You can't expect everyone to do exactly what you want. Ruby especially doesn't seem like that type."</p><p>"Well you know, I was just hoping. I think I did the right thing by breaking up with Maria and I got my end of the stick for doin it in the first place when Ruby didn't want anything to do with me after."</p><p>"She's probably dealing with this same feeling, tenfold." James pointed out. "She's got a whole boyfriend. She's not likely to just toss him aside for someone she barely even knows."</p><p>Will threw an arm over his face and let out another groan. He didn't know what to do, and now James was sitting there stating the obvious. He felt like he had dug himself a shallow grave and was now shoveling handfuls of dirt back over himself, he wanted to disappear.</p><p>"Have you got a cigarette?" He asked James.</p><p>"You don't smoke."</p><p>"How do you know?"</p><p>"Because I know you. You don't smoke."</p><p>"Yeah, you're right."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Cold air hit Ruby's face when she opened up the window in her bedroom to take several deep breaths. Every time she sat down in bed her lungs would squeeze themselves empty and sweat would bead on her forehead and in her armpits and it felt like she was falling apart, so she tried to squeeze her legs and hold everything together.</p><p>It didn't really work so she rotated between sticking her face out the window and watching an episode of an old show from her childhood. It was a mindless cartoon, one that she didn't need to pay attention to. The sound from the show was enough to drown out the whispery thoughts that floated in and out of her consciousness and made her feel like burying herself alive.</p><p> </p><p>Morning came harsh and cold, her window still slightly swung open from the night before and her mouth and eyes dry from crying. The voice of her favorite character was loud and obnoxious and she left it on while she stumbled to the sink.</p><p>Her phone was still in the bathroom, she didn't know when she'd put it there. It was the middle of December and her week off for the holidays was supposed to start tomorrow, but Ruby wanted to completely lose herself in something other than her own life. She wondered what Will was up to, even though she didn't really want to know. It was nice to think that he might be dealing with some level of personal turmoil, but he didn't have the same hang ups as her. Maybe she could text him and apologize.</p><p>The next few days passed uneventfully. Ruby went to the grocery store, tidied her flat, and spent some time reading. She stayed off her phone and only checked in a few times a day to read the morning and evening news, and to touch base with clients she had meetings with in the new year. She let them know she'd be away for the holidays and she'd only be available on Wednesdays. It was an arbitrary day to choose, just one that didn't coincide with any holidays. Not that she'd have anything particular to do on those holidays, but others would.</p><p>Jake called in the mornings while she was having coffee just to say hello and tell her about what they were doing that day, and Ruby would smile at him through her phone's camera and wave to his parents when he pointed his phone at them. They would look at her sweetly and treat her like a young girl even though she was an adult woman. It was easy to feel childish around them, they had gummy smiles and nice, soft voices, and they loved their son more than anything. She would say goodbye and then make herself breakfast.</p><p>Ruby had breakfast and lunch every day, and was cooking herself a nice dinner for the third night in a row when her phone started ringing. Will's name popped up on the screen and she hesitated for a moment before deciding to answer it.</p><p>"Hello?" She said.</p><p>"Oh! Hey, hi, I didn't think you'd actually pick up." That was fair, this was his seventh time calling her and each time she'd let her phone ring its way to voicemail.</p><p>"Well I did."</p><p>"Right, right. Um, I just wanted to see how things were." He said.</p><p>"Everything is fine, don't know why it wouldn't be."</p><p>"Well I mean with the stuff that happened uh, you know."</p><p>Ruby had been expertly avoiding her own thoughts about what had happened between her and Will. "Yeah no, just... we can pretend like it never even happened."</p><p>"Do you, I mean. That's fine with me I suppose as long as that's what you want." He said.</p><p>"That's what I want, I liked our friendship and don't want it to be ruined over this. Can we just keep it between us and not mention it again?"</p><p>"Yeah. That's fine with me, good with me even." Ruby was disappointed that Will didn't try to change her mind, which would have been an embarrassingly easy feat, but she understood that they weren't thinking of the consequences when he'd said he wanted something between them. It wasn't practical.</p><p>Still, she felt disappointed.</p><p>"So, there's still that other party coming up, you still want to come? You know, still just as friends? There won't be any after party this time, it'll be uh, just all there at the regular party." Will said.</p><p>"Oh, yeah I forgot about that." She actually had, since trying to completely ignore anything related to Will, it hadn't crossed her mind. "Yeah, I'd still love to go. Something less like, work related sounds fun."</p><p>"Great, yeah that's great. We can all just like, meet at a pub yeah? Beforehand, so I can get yous in the door and the like." Ruby agreed, that sounded good. They confirmed all the details and Will said he'd text her the day before so she didn't forget anything.</p><p>"Great, thanks."</p><p>"Right, good. Glad you're coming."</p><p>"Thanks Will, and thanks for extending the invitation."</p><p>"Of course. And Ruby," He paused. "I'm sorry about that. Y'know. All of it."</p><p>"You don't have to apologize."</p><p>Yeah, but I do. It won't happen again."</p><p>Ruby told him she appreciated it and they said goodbye and hung up.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. chapter twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This holiday party had a less formal dress code, and Ruby decided to go shopping the day before. She wanted find something new, something sexy. She wanted to be looked at. </p><p>Her favorite shop was one called Daisy. She'd worked with them before on a campaign, and if she timed her visit right the owner would probably offer her a discount. Said owner was a nice lady in her early fifties called Lorraine, and her grey hair was long and stunning, enough to turn everyone's head. Ruby knew she would be able to help.</p><p>She was right. As soon as she stepped through the door, Lorraine was walking over to embrace her, scolding her that it had been much too long since they'd seen one another.</p><p>"All you do is work, Ruby. You need to come in and visit more often." Her accent gave away her city upbringing, and it always made Ruby smile.</p><p>"If I visited more often you might put me to work. Last time I came in you threatened me with a rebrand." They laughed together and Lorraine ushered her through racks of beautiful clothes as they caught up.</p><p>"So what brings you in today? The holidays are right around the corner, and we've got a few pieces that would look absolutely ravishing on your figure."</p><p>"Actually, yeah." Ruby said. "I've got a party tomorrow evening and I wanted something fun to wear." Lorraine pretended to swoon.</p><p>"Ruby, darling Ruby, I thought the day would never come. I've been waiting for the opportunity to dress you up." They switched directions and now headed toward the huge, luxurious fitting rooms toward the back of the store, and Lorraine began plucking things off hangers as they passed. When they got into the stall, Lorraine hung up the items she had already picked out and Ruby wondered if any of them would be long enough to be even close to decent. She brought this up to Lorraine.</p><p>"Oh sweet girl, you'll be fine. You've got these beautiful legs, you need to show them off to someone. None of this complaining, I know women who cry because they wish they had legs like you."</p><p>They spent the afternoon dressing Ruby up in every single dress Lorraine had in stock, and they had both settled on a satin black slip, that gave her the illusion of curves. Ruby looked at herself in the mirror and smiled back and Lorraine. She looked tall and luxurious, untouchable. It was exactly what she wanted.</p><p>"You look stunning, my dear. Absolutely stunning. It was made for you." She thought about what Will would think, despite not wanting to consider his opinion. It was hard not to. Maybe his girlfriend would be at this party, and she would look at Ruby and think she's beautiful and when she looked at Will, she would swat at his arm because he was staring. He would turn away and pretend like he hadn't been.</p><p>She would be untouchable.</p><p>Lorraine packed up her dress and insisted on sending her home with two other pieces Ruby had tried on, insisting that they too, were made for her. Her receipt only showed her black dress, and everyone smiled at her as she left, wishing her farewell and telling her to have fun at her party. It was already old news.</p><p> </p><p>When Ruby got home, she situated her dress on its own hanger, and was excited to see that Lorraine had given her a beautiful blouse and a mid length skirt that would be perfect for client meetings and afternoon coffee with friends. She put them on so she could walk around her apartment and feel a little more put together. There wasn't much left for her to do, she had her dress now, and she would put up her hair and put some makeup on and take too long applying lipstick tomorrow night, but for now she had her first real night off in months. She had nothing to do.</p><p>Ruby played the piano as a child. When she told people this, they would shake their heads bemused and say of course you did. This meant that Ruby seemed like the type of child whose parents probably had enough money for piano lessons, and who enjoyed it enough to continue through high school. They were right. She had been very lucky. Her parents paid for every lesson until she turned sixteen, then she got a job and decided to stop so she could focus on other things.</p><p>Her mom loved to sit and listen to her play and would request songs from Tchaikovsky, but Ruby like to write her own. Through high school heartbreaks and the lonely throes of her teenage years she poured her heart into creating music that made her feel something. Her dad always said it was too sad and simple and suggested that she tried smiling while writing a song. She would laugh because she never felt like writing music when she was smiling, other people had already written music to be happy to.</p><p>Happiness was a simple experience, it was fleeting and easily attainable. Every happy song sounded the same. Sadness had so many more twists and turns. Sometimes you would be sad and a small flutter of happiness would come by to lighten your load for a moment, and then you would crash back into a raging sea. Sadness sometimes felt like the top of a rollercoaster, a moment's gasp, looking over the edge of something endless and terrifying, and you wouldn't have time to catch your breath before you were plummeting back down. Writing songs in the midst of being a teenager was a white dove in the middle of the ocean, an olive branch, a white flag.</p><p>She felt like playing now, her body awash with the same sulking feeling that had hung off her limbs in high school. Regret, perhaps, but not for reasons she understood. Jake called and they talked for a while, when he asked her what was on her mind she shrugged and said nothing, really. I'm just glad to have time to myself. Jake told her that he wished he was there, he could help her relax. He asked what she was wearing and she told him she'd gotten a new skirt from Lorraine. He said it sounded beautiful and he'd love to put his hands up it, and she said he could when he got home. Her phone buzzed and she saw that Will had texted her, and she felt her stomach twisting itself up.</p><p>"Can I call you later?" She breathed a sigh of relief, happy to have an excuse that allowed her to hang up.</p><p>"Uh yeah, that's fine. Would you maybe want to send me a few pictures? You know, just a little tease for me?"</p><p>"Maybe, you know, I'll-I'll think about it. I'm not really feeling too great, so I don't know." They said goodbye and Jake made sure to let Ruby know how much he loved her before they hung up. Her breath was short and fast and the blouse from Lorraine felt too hot and uncomfortable.</p><p>Will's text was just to remind her of their plan. He sent the time and address of the party, and the pub they were meeting at beforehand. He suggested she show up at the pub about thirty minutes prior. Ruby was typing out Thank you, with a capital letter and a period at the end and no emotion, when a second text came through.</p><p>looking forward to seeing you.</p><p>She hit send on her own message and then turned off her phone.</p><p> </p><p>That night Ruby laid in bed and thought about his text, how he was looking forward to seeing her. So simple and yet she found herself lamenting over nuance and intention. In an attempt to distract herself, she moved her thoughts over to Jake, and how he'd wanted to badly for her to touch herself while they were on the phone. She put her hands down the front of her underwear and thought about how things would have gone if she'd been in a better mood.</p><p>She made herself come and when her eyes closed she thought about Will.</p><p> </p><p>The pub was about twenty minutes from Ruby's house, and she decided to take the train. She got dressed up in her black dress and admired herself in the mirror for a while before pulling up her hair and carefully lining her lips with a dark red. She pulled back and gave a short nod of approval. Good.</p><p>She bundled herself up in her Belfast and wrapped a scarf around her neck as well, knowing it would be cold. Her bare legs were cold before she'd even walked out of the house, so it was a little bit of a moot point, but it looked nice so she kept it.</p><p>The night was completely clear and bitterly cold as she walked from the station to the entrance of the pub, and Stephen of all people was the first to spot her when she entered, and gave her a friendly greeting, pointing her where everyone was seated, already drinking. Ruby asked the bartender for a sparkling water and shook her head when Stephen asked if she wanted to add some vodka.</p><p>"It's on me if you want anything else," he told her. She told him that she would consider it and let him know. Will walked up to them, and Ruby felt that familiar anxiety that arose every time she saw him. Stephen noticed her body language shift and bowed out, mumbling something about the bathroom, leaving them alone.</p><p>"Oi, you look nice," Will started. "I'm glad you made it. Any trouble getting here?"</p><p>"No, it was an easy train ride." They stood awkwardly for a few moments.</p><p>"I hope things aren't weird between us. I'd love to have fun tonight. You know, as friends." Ruby nodded in agreement. She felt as though she was connected to Will with a thick rope, and every word they spoke was like turning the crank and tightening the tension, forcing them to pull back or give in.</p><p>"Everything is fine, we're fine." She said gently.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Everything is fine." Will watched as Ruby walked past him, toward the group of friends that had been quick to find interest in her. He watched them greet her with brief hugs, and Alex even kissed her on the cheek. Stephen offered to take her jacket, and they all did a double take as she slipped it off her shoulders and revealed a small black dress, delicately hung on her shoulders and highlighting the sharpness of her hipbones. She looked bony and frail, like a baby bird, and Will wanted to grab her wrist and pull her away from the gaping eyes of his friends and keep her all to himself. Instead he was on the other side of the table and he had to pretend like he didn't care about any of this at all. He was going to enjoy time with his friends.</p><p>James was standing next to him, and gave him a pitying glance.</p><p>"How are you taking it?" He asked. Will took a breath like he was going to speak, but looked at James and realized he was being sarcastic.</p><p>"Don't be an arse." He grumbled.</p><p>"You look like you're going to pop a blood vessel and she's not even single, mate."</p><p>"Shut up."</p><p>"I'm just saying, you seem to be taking some things personally. Like the fact that she's out in public and not clambering all over you."</p><p>"Mate, lay off," Will turned to him. "What the hell."</p><p>"Sorry," James threw his hands up in mock defense, "I'm giving you a hard time, alright? You were stupid and now you're sitting here acting like you didn't fuck up. Her showing up doesn't absolve you of your poor choices. You don't need to sulk around because other people acknowledge her and think she's pretty. I think you need to get out of your own head and consider the bigger picture here."</p><p>Will was dumbfounded, unsure how to even begin responding. He bristled with anger, upset that James would try and accuse him of being possessive. Thankfully, Stephen's incredibly loud voice was enough to pull their attention back to the group they'd drifted from.</p><p>"Shots!" He called out. Everyone groaned. Stephen always wanted to do shots. A few people stepped forward, less enthusiastic but willing to drink on his dime. Ruby was one of those people. Stephen whooped and shook her by the shoulder. "SHOTS!" The chosen ones headed toward the bar.</p><p>"Will Lenney, it's been a minute!" A voice came from behind Will and he turned, recognizing Becky quickly. "How are things? I heard you've been going through ladies like candy up in that penthouse of yours." Will saw James roll his eyes, and ignored it.</p><p>"Oi, you know me, wilder than the wild west or some shite like that." Becky looked over his shoulder long enough to make Will glance backward.</p><p>"Yeah, but really... is she yours? That's the gal George told me about who was designing your merch or something? I looked her up. She seems very... artsy." Will raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"What's that mean then?"</p><p>"No, nothing bad she's just really not your usual type. More reserved, not so e-girl." She did air quotes. "In a good way, very out of your league."</p><p>"Well she's not mine, to answer that, just a friend. She's got some artsy boyfriend frolicking Italy on holiday, thought she might be bored so I invited her, you know. We worked together for a minute. That's it." His inflection fell flat, and Becky noticed.</p><p>"Oi, right then, friendzoned—"</p><p>"—It's not even that—"</p><p>"—Totally fine mate don't even try to explain it away, you'll dig yourself a hole. She seems great, I'm excited to meet her." Becky didn't let Will interrupt to defend himself. "So then tell me, how's the merch then? Must've been damn good with all the people she's worked for?"</p><p>"Yeah, it's great. The samples are supposed to be showin up here soon, just after Christmas last I checked." They talked a little bit of business, Becky had run into some copyright issues that were a nuisance more than anything, and while she explained, Will snuck a look over at Ruby, still talking to Stephen. He was making her laugh about something again, and she didn't seem to have any reservations about standing so close together.</p><p>"Anyway," Becky cleared her throat, "I was sayin that yeah we got it figured out alright." She brought him back to the conversation and he pretended like he had been paying attention the whole time.</p><p>"Oh, good good. That's good." Becky scoffed. Will tried to remember why he'd thought that inviting Ruby was a smart idea.</p><p>After several more minutes and a bit more intention in his conversation with Becky, everyone began moving toward the exit, headed toward the party. Will loitered at their table, using the ice cubes in his glass as an excuse to stay back and look around. He hadn't seen Ruby leave yet, but as the last of his friends walked out the door he wondered if he had just missed her.</p><p>Will started to feel frustrated, Ruby was his guest and he didn't know how he was supposed to get her in the door if he didn't even know where she was. Everyone was more interested in impressing her than they were spending time with him. Of course, he'd wanted to impress Ruby, and had taken care to pick out his good pair of jeans for the party, but that was because they were actual friends, and he didn't want her to be embarrassed with him.</p><p>He had half a mind to say screw the party and order himself another drink when someone tapped him on the shoulder.</p><p>"Why are you still here?" Ruby was standing behind him and everything he'd just been thinking about left him. He couldn't remember anything except how anxious he had been to see her, and how anxious he still was.</p><p>"I was just waiting for you." While you ran off with Stephen. He wanted to add.</p><p>"Oh, thanks. I just had to dip into the ladies room."</p><p>"Ah, no problem. Are you ready?" He felt guilty for his previous assumption. Stephen was friendly with everyone, and good at making people feel welcomed. Even if it did come with heavy handed pours and lots of shots.</p><p>"Yeah, let's go. Everyone already left."</p><p>Ruby pulled her coat back over her shoulders and slipped her hands through until they poked out at the ends of her sleeves. Will wanted to lace his fingers with hers and pull her around into his arms and walk into the party with the most beautiful girl there, but they both had different hang ups, and Will didn't want to look like he'd begged her to be with him.</p><p>Because he hadn't.</p><p>And she wasn't.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>hey whats up folks i think I have a couple loyal readers hangin out and I just wanted to say THANK YOUUUUUUU love u so big. I had a crazy week last week so I didn't have a lot of time to write (nor was I feelin it) but I liked this chapter a lot, and I'd love to know how you guys are feeling about this story so far. I hate being the person who asks for likes and comments all the time, but I think chapter twelve is a good place to mention it for the first time LOL.</p><p>you guys are rockstars and I appreciate the silent love regardless. xx, Clemente</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. chapter thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will gave his name to the bouncer outside the door and introduced Ruby as his plus one. Ruby took her coat off again as they walked through the door and Will reached to take it from her without thinking.</p><p>"Here, I can keep this safe for you." He said.</p><p>"Thanks, I appreciate it." Ruby replied. She let him take it and then she melted into the crowd and was gone.</p><p>Will stood there and found himself back in the space in his head that was filled with frustration and jealousy, and decided to go sit and another table and drink some more.</p><p>Several women were dancing together near the edge of the dance floor and Will held the neck of his beer bottle and tried to seem interested. The shorter one caught his eye and threw him a cheeky smile, and Will felt the muscles in his face tug the corners of his lips up, but it didn't feel like a real smile at all. She didn't seem to mind. After a few moments of whispering with her friends, she walked over.</p><p>"Hey, you're kind of cute," She told him. She was drunk and her eyes were shiny and he didn't really want to talk to her, but Ruby was nowhere in sight and he liked this attention. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Almost an hour had passed and Ruby hadn't seen Will anywhere. She'd gone back near the front door to try and find him, but he seemed to have gone off somewhere. Disappointed, Ruby circled back to Will's group of friends. They were kind and welcoming, and a woman named Becky had introduced herself early into the night and tried to keep her involved in the conversation and dancing, but Ruby felt embarrassed that they needed to make such obvious concessions for her. When conversation turned to some overarching drama that had happened in the past few years, Ruby saw the chance to excuse herself and headed to the bathroom.</p><p>The dark hallway smelled like stale beer and cigarettes, and several people were loitering near the bathroom doors. She pushed her way into the dimly lit women's restroom and found Will making out with someone she didn't recognize.</p><p>Ruby froze in the door, embarrassed to have walked in on anyone, and doubly so to know the person. He didn't seem to have noticed the door opening, but the woman he was kissing did and she startled and pulled herself away.</p><p>"Pardon me." Ruby said, and walked back out.</p><p>She had chosen to bring a small purse with her, and was grateful as she walked out the door of the club. The sky was still clear and her teeth chattered together as she scrolled through her phone and listened to the dial tone. Audre picked up.</p><p>"Hey lady," she was still chipper and awake, which made Ruby feel better. "What's up?"</p><p>Ruby stared down the road. She couldn't find words to fill her mouth.</p><p>"You there?" Audre asked.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah I'm here." She said. "I don't know. I just needed to get out of the club. I'm at a party."</p><p>"Okay, are you safe there? Are you with someone?"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah I'm alright. I'm with Will."</p><p>"Oh." Audre obviously didn't know how to comment and Ruby felt bad because she hadn't explained herself to anyone. Audre had never liked Jake. She was a kind, honest person.</p><p>"I saw him kissing a girl in the bathroom." Ruby said, as if that explained anything.</p><p>"Oh, that's just weird. I don't know him well enough to feel comfortable knowing he's a slag. Are you doing okay? Do you need a cab?"</p><p>"My coat is still inside." She thanks Audre for picking up and let her know she'd be alright. She had other friends there, she'd just been a little freaked out. After promising to text Audre on her way home, they hung up and Ruby leaned against the freezing brick wall of the club. The bouncer asked if she needed anything and she shook her head. He told her he would be right inside the door if she changed her mind. The door creaked open and let music flood into the street for a moment as he went inside, and someone else caught onto the door as it was closing.</p><p>"There you are." James walked out, holding her coat. "Will was looking for you."</p><p>"I just needed some fresh air." She pulled her coat up around her neck and her shivering began to subside. They stood quietly. Ruby felt out of place. Not just there on the sidewalk with James, but at a party in general. Her life was not one that afforded her the space for drama, and the past several weeks felt like touching her hands to live wire.</p><p>After a few minutes of silence, Ruby said, "We... Will and I, we..." she wanted to put it out into the air, but the words wouldn't come.</p><p>"Will told me."</p><p>"Oh." Not even that was hers to give.</p><p>How many other people inside that party knew? She felt her nose burn as tears welled up in her eyes, shame cascading through her body. She felt like a conquest, and wondered if Will's friends looked at her the way she had looked at that woman in the bathroom, embarrassed and awkward. James scooted closer as she let a couple tears fall.</p><p>"Does everyone know?" She asked. James shook his head.</p><p>"No, you don't need to worry about that." He said. Ruby took a deep breath, relieved.</p><p>"He's usually not this much of a twat, if I'm being truthful." He said.</p><p>"I appreciate your honesty."</p><p>"Least I could do. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry that he's treated you so poorly." Ruby nodded her thanks, but didn't feel like she deserved an apology.</p><p>"I saw him kissing a girl in the bathroom." She told him. "And I don't even know why I care." James sighed.</p><p>"You've got a boyfriend, yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah." Ruby tried not to think about Jake.</p><p>"If I may just continue to interject my opinions," She smiled, James was trying to cheer her up. "You shouldn't waste your time on Will. He's my friend and all, but he's not been a decent person lately and he doesn't deserve your attention."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>The door creaked open again and Ruby recognized the song playing, but it didn't make her feel any different. Will walked out.</p><p>"Ruby." James looked at her, she was frozen in place. "I've been looking for you. James, can we have a minute?" She didn't respond, she didn't know how. She was mortified to be in such a pathetic situation, and she wanted to evaporate into the night. Having James there, knowing all he did, made it worse.</p><p>"Will, you are an insufferable bastard." He muttered. "You've got a lot to sort out. I'll leave you two, but Ruby, if you need a cab or anything just let me know."</p><p>That made it less worse, and she was grateful that he considered her best interests despite his friendship with Will. As James went back in to the party, Ruby walked the length of four squares on the sidewalk, then turned around and walked back. Will didn't speak. Her nose was running and her lips and cheeks felt puffy against the cold.</p><p>"I don't really know what I'm doing." She stopped walking and looked up at Will. "I don't know why I'm here."</p><p>"Ruby, look, I know I've gone and made things a bit awkward, but I really did want you to come."</p><p>"No, I'm not wondering why you invited me," She responded, continuing to pace. "I don't know why I agreed."</p><p>Will looked confused. "Did you not want to come?" That wasn't it, but Ruby couldn't find the reason why she'd let herself get dragged into this group of people. She didn't answer. "Look, I didn't mean for you to see that."</p><p>Ruby squeezed her eyes shut and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I didn't realize you were the type to run around kissing other women. I thought that what happened was actually an accident. I thought it was a one-off mistake that we could forgive ourselves for, I didn't realize that you were just... I didn't realize you did that all the time."</p><p>"I don't think I understand." Ruby didn't know how to explain herself or her thoughts. She'd hoped that he would catch on without her having to speak, that she had assumed she was special, that their momentary lapse in judgement was a true tragedy, and that they might have each other to fall back on should their worlds collapse around them. She felt foolish for assuming she was different than any other woman Will crossed paths with.</p><p>"I just thought things were different." She said.</p><p>"I did too." He said. "I don't really know what's going on, truthfully, I thought we were on the same page and it feels like we've gone in opposite directions."</p><p>"The only time we were on the same page was when we were cheating on other people." Will looked at her and she wiped her nose on the sleeve of her jacket, it was still running.</p><p>"I don't know why we're trying to have this conversation out here in the middle of the fucking street."</p><p>"Because that's where we fucking ended up."</p><p>"Why don't we move it somewhere else? You're cold. I'm cold."</p><p>"You can go back inside if you want." Will spun on his heel and dragged his hands down his face.</p><p>"Ruby, I can't read your mind, I don't know what to do. I want to sort things out with you and I don't know how."</p><p>"I don't either." Ruby's shoulders fell for a moment as she sighed. Their conversation felt like holding her breath, not wanting to say the wrong thing. She felt better knowing that their elicit affair wasn't common knowledge, but if Will was this careless about kissing other women his friends wouldn't have a difficult time piecing things together.</p><p>"Let's go back inside and we can come up with a plan. You don't have to stay if you don't want to, but we can just touch base with everyone." Walking back into the club and searching for everyone reminded Ruby of a high school dance. She hated it. Everyone asked where she'd been, and when they looked at her they asked if she was okay in a pitying voice, and then they would glance behind her at Will with a sympathetic look in their eyes. James and Alex were talking with each other when she approached, and Will told her that he was going to grab his coat.</p><p>"Mate, what's up?" Alex said with a smile. His eyebrows slid together a bit when she got closer, concerned.</p><p>"Oh, we're just going to head out. Will is going to take me home." She explained. James held onto her arm for a moment and looked her in the face.</p><p>"Is that what you want?" He asked. Ruby assured him that it was okay. Alex looked confused and Ruby tried to make an excuse.</p><p>"I'm not feeling great."</p><p>"Yeah mate, definitely head home then. We'll see you around again." He said. "Maybe, if he keeps bein' an arsehole, you can replace Will. Everyone likes you better."</p><p>"Thanks, see you around."</p><p>"See you."</p><p>"You text if you need anything."</p><p>Will came out from the crowd and waved her down, and she said one last goodbye to James and Alex before heading toward the door with him. On their way out, they passed by the woman Will had kissed in the bathroom and she glared at Ruby, who didn't blame her at all.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. chapter fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will hailed a cab, and when the driver asked where they were headed, Ruby gave her address. They walked up the stairs to her apartment and Ruby didn't feel the same butterflies she'd felt the first time Will had walked her to her door. In the weeks since then, Will had been over plenty, and he'd come in and sit on her couch and play on his phone while she was working.</p><p>Tonight, she shoved the key in and paused in the door frame.</p><p>"Do you want to come in?"</p><p>"Do you want me to?"</p><p>Ruby shrugged and left the door ajar so he could decide on his own. He shut it behind him and followed her toward the kitchen. She filled two glasses with water and handed one to him.</p><p>"I don't know what to say." Ruby told him. "How am I supposed to go back to Jake, how are you supposed to go back to Maria? Have you even seen her since?"</p><p>"Well yeah, I have," Will started. Ruby nodded slowly, staring into the sink.</p><p>"Did you tell her?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"She didn't need to know."</p><p>"So then what did you tell her?" Ruby pressed.</p><p>"I didn't really tell her much of anything, I suppose." Will rubbed the back of his neck and took a big gulp of his water.</p><p>"Does she not mind? Are you two in an open relationship?"</p><p>Will shook his head. "We're actually uh, we're not in any relationship anymore. I broke up with her."</p><p>Ruby looked at him, unsure what to think of this. "When?"</p><p>"That Sunday." When she didn't say anything, he continued talking. "I left yours and the next day she came round to my place and I broke things off. Honestly don't even know why, just felt guilty I reckon. I take it you've not mentioned anything to Jake?"</p><p>"No, I didn't realize... I didn't know you broke up with Maria. Plus what am I supposed to say to him over Facetime?" She said, her words getting thick. "Hey, remember that guy you met? We fucked the night you left town, just wanted to let you know. Like, I can't say that to him." She felt tears brimming in her eyes. Will could walk over and shove his tongue in her mouth and she would welcome it, she would surrender herself to his hands and body. When she tried to imagine Jake across the kitchen instead it wasn't the same.</p><p>"Do you feel like I forced you into it?" Will asked her. She thought about it for a moment, it would be so easy to say yes and play the victim, and maybe he would leave and she could come crying back to Jake and he would threaten to kill him and she would insist that it was okay, that she was okay.</p><p>"No." Even as she considered it, Ruby knew she would never be able to believe a lie so egregious.</p><p>"Okay, that's uh, that's good to know. I wouldn't want you to feel that way." Will nodded again. He was like a bobble head, nodding the whole time they spoke. He had a long neck and his Adams apple danced in his throat when he hesitated on his words. Right now he looked sheepish, and didn't make eye contact even when she looked his direction for a long period of time. She wanted him to see her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Will bit the inside of his cheek hard, trying to bring himself back into the moment. Ruby was sitting on the counter, her long legs led to bare feet that dangled above the floor. He wanted to go stand between her legs and touch her body. His body reacted ever so slightly to the thought.</p><p>Ruby said his name instead, and he looked, hoping that she would open her arms and envelope him. This didn't happen. Instead they just looked at each other some more and neither spoke. When Ruby finished her water, she set the glass in the sink and started towards her bedroom. In a moment of bravery or recklessness—he didn't know which-- Will called out.</p><p>"Ruby," He bit his lip and waited for her to respond.</p><p>"What?" She was halfway between him and her door, and with her arms hung at her sides she once again looked like a baby bird and he couldn't decide why he wanted her so badly that he'd become a person he didn't recognize anymore. He took a deep breath.</p><p>"Would you take it back?" He asked. "If you could?"</p><p>"That's not a fair question."</p><p>"I know, but humor me." He said. "Please?" Ruby folded her arms and stood still for a few moments, her eyes looking at the window that reflected back the scene taking place in her flat. After some time, she answered.</p><p>"No. I wouldn't." For a moment, this felt like a victory. Like Will had won out against Jake. He was the victor. Ruby started to cry and she slowly sank to the floor.</p><p>"Ruby, Ruby, Rubes, no no no." He hurried toward her and knelt beside her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."</p><p>"I can't believe myself," She muttered. "How could I do this?" Will didn't have an answer. He helped her back to her feet. For a few moments after she stood, their hands stayed clutched together. She looked beautiful when she cried. Her face was flushed and her lips were puffy. It seemed in poor taste to explain this to her now, and to think it in general, so he didn't say anything. He did want to keep holding her hand, though, so he did.</p><p>"I'm so sorry," he murmured to her. She looked up to the ceiling to blink away more tears, and Will lifted his hand, using his thumb to rub away the makeup sitting under her eyes. "I wish I knew what to say." Will was close enough to hear her shallow breaths.</p><p>"That makes two of us," she tried to laugh. Will gave her hand a little squeeze. He let his fingers trail down her arm and couldn't believe how bad he wanted her. He'd never felt like this before. He knew he should ask Ruby if what he was doing was okay but the thought of her saying no was almost too much to consider.</p><p>Thinking with a boner was difficult, since his mind was foremostly circling around the thought of getting them both undressed.</p><p>"You should leave him." He said, reaching her wrist and catching her other hand again. "I want you."</p><p>Ruby let out a hiccup-y sob and squeezed his hands.</p><p>"I don't know what I want," She whimpered. He tightened his grip and looked at her.</p><p>"Jake has had plenty of time to convince you to stay," yet we're standing here and you're crying because you want to fuck me anyway, he wanted to add, but he didn't.</p><p>"That's terrible of you to say," she said, but wasn't upset. "We've been in a tough spot." Instead of trying to respond, Will decided to hug her. They'd never hugged before. He enjoyed the way her body molded into his and he felt calmness run through him when she took a deep breath. She mumbled thank you into his shoulder and didn't let go until he did. He knew with their embrace that she had felt how hard he was, but neither of them mentioned it.</p><p>They were both emotionally exhausted, and Ruby disappeared into her bathroom to change into some pajamas. Will sat on the edge of her bed, unsure what to do with himself. When Ruby came out she was wrapped in a dressing gown and her face was bare.</p><p>With her makeup gone, Will observed her dark under eyes. They were shaped like a crescent moon, and made her eyes look big and her face more vulnerable. The last time he'd seen her without makeup had been the night of the last party, and he hadn't taken time to observe her. She pulled clothes out of her drawer, then turned back to him.</p><p>"I'd like it if you stayed." He hadn't anticipated this.</p><p>"Like, you'd like it if I stayed here?" He clarified.</p><p>"Yeah. If you want to." She gave him the clothes she was holding, they were his. "I still have these, you can change and sleep over. I'm going to put some pajamas on. I'll let you know before I come out."</p><p>They both changed, and Ruby came out in a sleep shirt and matching shorts.</p><p>"D'you have some extra blankets or?" Will asked, gesturing to the couch. She stood on the opposite side of the bed and shrugged a bit.</p><p>"I don't really, I thought you could... y'know. You can just—" She flipped down the comforter on her bed. "If that's okay?"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah that's alright with me. Is it alright if I go ahead and take off the pants and the sweater though?" He asked. "I'll be absolutely roasting otherwise." Ruby shrugged, removing her own shorts. Her underwear was covered in little flowers and he tried not to stare.</p><p>She flicked the light off and they laid in bed together. Will liked the way her sheets smelled, they were fresh and soft, like she'd just pulled them off a clothesline and made her bed just for this moment. In the dark it felt easier to reach over to her and pull Ruby into his arms. He lifted the palm of his hand to her chest and her heart was beating quickly.</p><p>"Is this alright?" He let his hand drift lower, over the curve of her breast and down her stomach, which rose softly with each breath she took. He enjoyed having her laid out like this in front of him. She nodded, and he continued to trail his hands along her body.</p><p>When he got to the hem of her shirt, he let it ride up a bit as he pulled his hand up again. She shivered with her bare skin exposed to his touch, and curled into him slightly. He didn't go further because he didn't want her to have to cry because of him again. Instead, there in her dark bedroom, he held onto her and pressed a heavy kiss to her temple and mumbled something like Jesus as she drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. chapter fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ruby was sat up in bed when Will woke up, reading Twitter. She hadn’t slept well and it was still early. She watched him stretch and roll over onto his stomach, and his face was close enough to her leg for him to press his forehead into her outer thigh, and brush his hand over the smooth skin of her calf.</p>
<p>
“Hi.” He said.</p><p>
“Good morning.”</p><p>
Will propped himself up on his elbows and brushed through his bedhead with his hands.</p><p>
“How did you sleep?” He asked. She had woken up intermittently throughout the night and each time Will had his arms wrapped around her, his hands resting on her bare skin. She laid there, unable to find sleep again, and considered how she had arrived at this point in her life. She knew there, in the night, how Molly had felt, the confusion and frustration in her narrative that had no beginning or end, except to those she shared her thoughts with.</p>
<p>
I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like made and yes I said</p>
<p>
yes I will Yes.</p><p>
“I slept fine,” she said. “You?”</p><p>
“You always say fine,” Will pointed out. “Everything is always fine.”</p><p>
“I don’t know how to respond to that. I mean I did sleep fine, so I don’t know what you want me to say.” She said.</p>
<p>
“I’m just giving you a hard time, lass. It’s fine.”</p>
<p>
“You’re cheeky.” She told him, looking back at her phone.</p>
<p>
“You give away how American you are when you say that. It’s a bit clunky.” She blushed. “It’s okay, you moved out to London, you’re tryin your hardest to get away from it.”</p>
<p>
“Oi, yous is takin ‘a piss wif me, mate,” She argued back in a caricaturized version of Will’s Geordie accent, and it made him laugh.</p>
<p>
“Nah, I don’t sound like that,” He said.</p>
<p>
“Yeah you do,” Ruby countered, also laughing. “And now you’re telling me I’m trying to get away from my roots by moving to London while completely ignoring your own experience. Embarrassing, really.” The mood in the room lifted just a bit, and Ruby felt better about being here with him when they were both sober.</p>
<p>
“Do you want to talk about everything?”</p>
<p>
“That’s very open-ended.” Ruby pointed out. Will rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>
“You know what I’m talking about,” He said. They were quiet for a minute. “We need to stop doing this.”</p>
<p>
That’s not what she wanted to hear. Preferably, she wanted Will to collapse at her bedside and give her one more chance and beg her to be with him again, and unlike last night she would say yes to him this morning and she would ask him to hide her away from the sinking temptation of forever with a man who only loved the way her body looked next to his.</p>
<p>
She put her phone down and sank back into her mattress. She turned to look at Will, whose head was now perched in his hands so he could look down on her, and she quietly asked him to fuck her. He nodded and brought himself closer so he could hold his body over hers, and when he leaned down to kiss her it was so slow that she could’ve had a thousand thoughts pass through her mind in the time before their lips touched.</p>
<p>
Instead she just stared at him and watched his eyes for a sign of hesitation, but his pupils were wide and he seemed to be just as interested in keeping them on her. He pulled away after a moment.</p>
<p>
“Is this okay?” He asked. She nodded.</p>
<p>
“It’s fine—I mean, good. It’s good.” Will’s eyebrows were furrowed. “I want you to keep going.”</p>
<p>
They stayed quiet, even though no one else was there in the flat, and when Will was all the way in her he stopped and buried his head in her neck, murmuring empty words to God about how good it felt. They had both taken off their underwear, but Ruby had left her night shirt on and now it was riding up uncomfortably on her back so she took that off too, and looked down at their bodies and wished everything was as simple as this.</p>
<p>
Will changed his position and let his hand drift toward her navel, and when he applied a little bit of pressure she cried out and her orgasm made her whole body shake, and tears spring to her eyes. She let out an involuntary sob from the intensity of it all and Will froze, looking down on her and asking if she was okay. All Ruby could do was nod, and her hips jerked to encourage Will to keep going.</p>
<p>
“It’s alright,” her teeth bumped together and she was still shaking, “please keep going.”</p>
<p>
He finished all over her stomach and chest and then slumped over next to her. When she felt that she could stand up without her legs buckling under her, she went into the bathroom and started filling up the tub. She poked her head around the corner and let him know she was taking a bath.</p>
<p>
“Sounds good.” He said.</p>
<p>
“You can too,” She offered. “We could both…”</p>
<p>
“Oh, yeah alright. I’ll be in there in a moment.” Ruby nodded and went back to the tub and climbed in while the water was still running, and cleaned her body off.</p>
<p>
They didn’t consider that the size of the bathtub wasn’t inherently conducive to two tall bodies, so they squished into one another and Ruby tried to shrink herself into the space between Will’s legs.</p>
<p>
“You know, I’ve thought about how nice it would be to take a bath in this tub since I saw that picture of it.” Will said to her, finally breaking the silence.</p>
<p>
“Does it live up to the expectation?” Ruby asked.</p>
<p>
“It surpasses it. I didn’t think I’d actually get to have you in it with me.”</p>
<p>
“Hmm, so you might call it a dream come true?” She was joking, but it felt nice to hear Will say yes and then start kissing her.</p>
<p>
They stayed there in the tub for a while, kissing each other and musing about their current predicament until the water got too cold, and they toweled off and drained the water and didn’t look at each other for a little bit.</p>
<p>
They sat together on her couch once they’d gotten dressed again. Will asked Ruby what she thought she would do about Jake.</p>
<p>
“I mean, we probably shouldn’t keep on with this if you really want things to work out with him,” he said.</p>
<p>
“I know.”</p>
<p>
“Do you want to stay with him?” Will asked. It was hard for her to answer when she didn’t really know.</p>
<p>
“I’m not sure, truthfully.” She told him. He shrugged.</p>
<p>
“Right. Well then do you want to be with me?” Caught in the predicament of choosing one person over the other, Ruby always thought deciding would be easy. It turns out the easy part was entertaining them both, and a conclusion was hard to come by. Her hesitation and inability to articulate anything other than another I don’t know had created the third option.</p>
<p>
Ending up by herself.</p>
<p>
Will obviously hadn’t liked her answer, and got up to gather his things from her room. She thought this was fair, and perhaps what she deserved for being so indecisive. She didn’t get up or even look his way as headed towards the door, and as it creaked open, Will said,</p>
<p>
“You should figure that out first.” And he was gone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Christmas Day past uneventfully. Ruby hadn't heard from Will since he walked out of her flat a few days prior, and didn't even send her a text message to wish her well. Audre and Taj asked her to come over, but she found an excuse with a family phone call, which lasted less than an hour and was relatively boring. She made herself a nice dinner and went to bed happy that she hadn't decorated her flat, so at least she wouldn't need to begin cleaning up tomorrow.</p><p>It was the next day that she finally heard from Will. They'd gone three days without correspondence before, but this time it had felt different.</p><p>Merch showed up. She looked at the text and didn't know how to respond. She was glad the process was entirely over, and she had no more business strings attached, but his text left an overwhelming opportunity for her to say the wrong thing. Thankfully she didn't have to worry about this for too long. Will sent a second message.</p><p>you free? She said yes, and he responded quickly.</p><p>come round then? Alex and James are here.</p><p>His friends would be there, meaning they had a buffer of people between them, and they wouldn't be able to talk privately. This seemed more good than bad, and Ruby gathered herself into something presentable and headed out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Is Ruby coming by for the big reveal?" Alex asked. James glanced at him, and then to Will, and Will shrugged. He'd drafted several text messages over the last three days, some more desperate than others, but none of them had been sent to her. When he'd left her last he had felt hurt that Ruby hadn't been quick to denounce her boyfriend in favor of him, but when he'd called James to vent, his friend had called him an idiot for thinking that it was appropriate to continue agreeing to have sex.</p><p>"But she's the one who suggested it!"</p><p>"You can say no, you nonce. She's trying to reconcile her emotions, and you trying to get shagged is not helping a single thing. If you want to have that conversation with her, do it when you're both sober and not fucking."</p><p>Now they all sat around his kitchen counter, and Alex was still waiting for an answer.</p><p>"Uh, yeah. Yeah I don't remember quite what she was up to today, I'll send her a text."</p><p> </p><p>She arrived about thirty minutes later, and Alex opened up the door when she knocked.</p><p>"Aye, mate, glad you made it. We're stoked!" She was wearing a regular pair of jeans and a university sweater, and Will didn't think he'd ever seen her dressed so casually. She always wore something that she could realistically wear to an art gallery, or out for dinner at a place where they serve glasses of wine for exorbitant prices, somewhere being out of touch and uninterested was the expectation. </p><p>Will knew that she wasn't really like that, but seeing her juxtaposed in an outfit that realistically, any of his friends would wear out of the house, made her suddenly reachable. Even naked, Ruby's body held onto some of that disconnect, and now Will was frustrated with himself for thinking of her naked instead of saying hello like any other person.</p><p>"Glad you could make it, Ruby." James said to her. Will just gave her what he hoped was a friendly smile, and she didn't meet his eyes when she returned the greeting.</p><p>"Right then," Will said. "We've had enough anticipation, let's open these damn things up." There were three large boxes set out on the kitchen counter, and Will handed out knives to cut through the packing tape.</p><p>As they began pulling pieces out, everyone was generally excited to see Will's sweatshirts that he'd been showing them pictures of for weeks in real life, laid out in front of them. Ruby looked over each piece with scrutiny, and Will kept glancing toward her, hoping she was excited as he was. Of course, seeing the final product of her work was a normal part of her job, but Will could assume that there was a certain satisfaction that came along with making it through to the end.</p><p>This, his merch, was the only reason they technically had to stay in touch, just to make sure the entire job was done to everyone's satisfaction. Ruby could very well nod her head and walk out the door and they would never see each other again. Instead, she was still in his kitchen, holding up little pins that were shaped like him and nodding her approval.</p><p>"Everything looks amazing," Will said, squeezing her shoulders. She smiled and leaned into him just enough to make it unbearable to touch her so casually, and he dropped his arm quickly.</p><p>"I'm glad it all turned out so nicely." Alex suggested they take a photo, and they all picked out a different hoodie— Will also put on the hat, sweats, and several pins, and Alex precariously set his phone up so it leaned on the back of the couch. They laughed as the camera took a quick succession of pictures, and when Alex picked it back up to view the photos, he turned the camera to Will and Ruby.</p><p>"Okay, let's get one of the creators as well then," He said. They looked at each other, and Ruby was still smiling so Will put his arm around her and smiled nicely so Alex could take another picture.</p><p>They spent the rest of the afternoon trying on different sweaters and celebrating with Will. The conversation was beginning to tilt towards work for James and Alex, and Will offered Ruby a drink and took the opportunity to step away to the kitchen.</p><p>"Congratulations, Will." Ruby said. "I'm happy for you."</p><p>"Couldn't 'a done without you," he diverted her praise. "You really helped put the whole vision together."</p><p>"Still, it was an honor to be able to help."</p><p>"Yeah, and I appreciate it a lot." He said. "Look, I-I felt like I owed you an apology for what I had said the other day."</p><p>Ruby looked surprised. "Oh, you don't need to apologize. We just... I put you in a bad position. That was my fault."</p><p>"Still, didn't handle it near as politely as I should've." He said. "I really like you, and I don't want you to feel like I'm tryin' to cause problems between you and him." Will didn't like saying Jake's name.</p><p>Ruby thanked him, and they went back into the living room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Despite spending most days at Will's flat, the week between Christmas and New Years took forever to pass. Each day dragged into eternity and Ruby sat and drank too many cups of tea at his kitchen counter, with Will's friends not far behind. They would sit on barstools and chat while he filmed videos in his room, something he admitted to have been lacking on. When he announced that he had merch coming out, Ruby heard him say her name from behind his closed door and her heart crawled up in her throat and made it impossible to speak.</p><p>James was becoming Ruby's own friend and hadn't commented about the about their conversation outside the bar, instead inquiring about her hobbies and learning that she played the piano and hated knitting and had always wanted to be a chef. In fact, they all learned that two nights before New Years Eve, when she arrived at Will's flat with two grocery bags and a couple pans.</p><p>"I can't eat any more take out, so I thought I'd make you all something." She had chosen to make a creamy cheese pasta with fresh noodles, salmon, and big slices of fresh bread with garlic. They all watched her cook from the other side of the counter, and didn't talk much amongst themselves.</p><p>"I don't remember the last time I had a home cooked meal," George told her. He was usually the quietest of the four boys, but when she'd told them dinner was on her, a new person emerged from within, and he was talking more than anyone knew what to do with. "It was probably when I went to my nan's a few months back. What are you doing now?" She was searing the fish in a pan with butter and lemon. Will was standing in the kitchen, leaned against the counter and watching her face. Ruby had cooked for him a few times, before they had sex. Back when Will was coming over almost every day just to be friends.</p><p>Ruby had postponed book club with Audre and Taj until after the holidays because Will had been so determined to read The Great Gatsby and wasn't making sense of any of it. Before everything went awful, Will had come over in the afternoons and read pieces of the book out loud, and then Ruby would pick over the bare bones of the words, looking for hidden meaning someone else may have missed. Will liked to tell her she was smart, but Ruby told him that smart people are the ones who write books that have everyone else considering their words decades later. "Or maybe that makes them a pretentious dick. Either way, I think they knew what they were doing." </p><p>Tonight, though, Will didn't say she was smart. He told her, after everyone had begun eating, that she was brilliant. Then he thanked her for dinner, and when she blushed and said that dinner was no problem at all, he said she was pretty. She felt very pretty tonight, wearing the skirt and blouse that Lorraine had gifted her.</p><p>"I'm heading back to my place, but seriously, that was incredible." Alex told Ruby, giving her a hug. "We'll definitely need to do that again, and next time we'll pitch in so you don't have to get everything on your own."</p><p>"Oh, it's nothing. I love to cook for people, I'm glad you enjoyed it."</p><p>Everyone else headed home as well, leaving Ruby and Will alone for the first time since that day in Ruby's flat.</p><p>"That was great, Ruby. They really appreciated it. I did too. It's been a while." They both knew that they couldn't go back to the way things were before, but as she put all the dirty dishes in the sink she could almost imagine it. Will offered to help, but Ruby told him that she liked doing the dishes when she had a lot on her mind.</p><p>"What's on your mind then?" He asked. She had said that on purpose, hoping he would ask that exact question and perhaps segue into a conversation where Ruby could explain herself and speak out loud about everything going through her head, but now that he was asking the question she had wanted from him, she regretted mentioning anything at all. Still, she was too far in to backtrack, and saying nevermind rarely went over well when beginning conversations like these.</p><p>"I don't know where to go from here." Ruby told him.</p><p>"I think you've got two favorite things to say. You tell me you're fine, and you tell me you don't know things." He said. Ruby sighed, because this wasn't helpful.</p><p>"Are you trying to pick a fight?" Ruby asked him. Will shrugged, but didn't answer. "My inability to find words in this situation isn't indicative of a lack of emotions, nor does it put you into a category of moral superiority." When Ruby got mad, she would take a deep breath and try to choose her words carefully.</p><p>Will scoffed at her.</p><p>"Oi, I didn't know you were a fucking tory, Jesus christ. Give it a break Rubes. I'm trying to have a normal conversation here and you're pulling out a whole thesaurus." He was trying to lighten the mood with humor, and Ruby knew that, but she still felt her face get hot with anger.</p><p>"You're..." she searched for a scathing remark, something that would hurt him, but Ruby herself felt hurt in the moment. "That was mean." Her voice came out flat and pathetic, and she was embarrassed to meet Will's eyes. He cleared his throat.</p><p>"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Not really." He said. Whatever fire they'd just been about to start was blown out, and Ruby felt cold, and there was a sink hole wrenching its way open in her chest. They were at a standstill.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ruby left, taking her pans. Will had asked if she wanted a ride, so she didn't have to carry everything onto the train, but she shook her head and said everything would be fine. It wasn't fine, and Will knew that, but he didn't know what to say to Ruby that he hadn't already. He'd told her he wanted her, he'd left Maria, he'd come to her flat and talked with her and fucked her when she asked and it still wasn't enough, and she would go home and Jake would call and she wouldn't tell him about what she had done. Will knew this, and Ruby did too. He felt his body burn with rage, but it fizzled out before he kicked something.</p><p>Instead of beating on his furniture or putting his fist through a wall, which hadn't appealed to him since puberty, he grabbed the pack of cigarettes he had purchased at the corner store on his way home from Ruby's before Christmas. He lit one and walked onto his small balcony, and took a long, deep drag. When he thought of Ruby, it burned deep in his chest, somewhere smoking couldn't touch. Every time he filled his lungs, he would try to breath deeper, try to overwhelm the sensation of her.</p><p>"Fuck." He muttered.</p><p>That night he tossed in his bed and dreamt about jumping off the side of the balcony. When he looked up, he could see himself standing there, leaning over the rail with Ruby. They were both smoking cigarettes, and their ashes fluttered down to the sidewalk where he laid, broken, and covered his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>New Years Eve arrived. Will thought he'd learned his lesson and when considering the invitations he'd received, he didn't ask Ruby to join him. They hadn't spoken since she'd left. Late in the afternoon, his phone buzzed.</p><p>You got plans tonight? It read.</p><p>Perhaps. Considering stopping into a few parties, or maybe drinking alone at home.</p><p>Ruby replied quickly. I'll bring a bottle of wine. I'm down to party (If you don't already have a plus one.)</p><p>Will told her that sounded great. Alex called to inquire about plans.</p><p>"I'm coming to yours, and I think Ruby is coming as well."</p><p>He put on his nice pair of black jeans, and a knit sweater that Ruby had pointed out once to ask why he never wore it. Will had said it was too nice to wear just anywhere, which was true for him, but Ruby had been wearing a knit sweater at that moment and didn't understand where he was coming from.</p><p>When Ruby arrived, she smiled. "I like the sweater."</p><p>"Thanks." She was wearing something nicer than him, of course, and was surely brushing the six foot mark in the shoes she had on. He told her that, and she nodded absently while pouring a glass of wine.</p><p>"Yeah, well they are platform shoes, so I'd expect that." They were white sneakers, and she had frilly white ankle socks peeking out from the top, and Will noted that he knew several girls who wore those same socks on their first day of infant school.</p><p>"I don't know what infant school is," She told him. He waved the joke away, nuance lost on her.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first place they stopped was Alex and George's flat, and everyone pointed out the fact that he was wearing a nice sweater. Will hadn't realized that it was such a big deal to wear something different, but Ruby winked at him one James' shoulder when he said it looked smart.</p><p>There were about ten people at the flat, and Will asked Ruby if she wanted to stay here for the night. She seemed to be enjoying herself.</p><p>"Yeah, I'd actually really like that. You don't have to stay here with me," She added. "If you want to go to some other parties." Will shook his head and said fuck the other parties, which made her laugh. Will had started trying to cater his jokes to things that would make Ruby laugh, which proved more challenging than anticipated. Her humor was sophisticated, and she laughed at literary references that went over his head.</p><p>Sometimes she and James would double over in fits of laughter when discussing different books, and Will would be left behind. When she drank alcohol, though, her laughter was easy to come by, and less cunning than usual. Will liked when she had a few beers or a couple shots, and would laugh at all his jokes, and he didn't even have to try.</p><p>When everyone counted down to midnight, Will and Ruby counted together and didn't kiss, even though they could have and no one would've cared. Will wanted to, but when he turned to look at Ruby she was looking at everyone else, and by the time she faced him, the moment was gone and midnight plus one minute felt the same as any other night. Ruby asked him if he smoked, and he said he didn't really, but sometimes took it upon himself if the moment was right.</p><p>"That's very enigmatic." She told him, walking toward the back door, that led to a balcony almost identical to Will's. They stood silently outside, watching fireworks crackle on the horizon. Ruby pulled a blunt out of her pocket, and held it loosely between her fingers. Will liked her hands, similar to the rest of her, they were thin and long and her knuckles were sharp. When she spoke, they danced around, vaguely illustrating her words. Will had just started carrying a lighter, and brought it out for her. He didn't feel like smoking tonight.</p><p>"Happy new year," Ruby said after some time. "Do you have any resolutions?"</p><p>"Nah, not particularly. Mostly work stuff." He had a few different milestones he was hoping to achieve this year with his channel, but he and Ruby didn't talk much about their jobs outside of anything that had been relevant to his merch.</p><p>"Hmm. I guess I could say the same." She said. George opened the door and asked if they wanted a drink, someone had just hauled over an entire keg from the pub. They both said yes, and George disappeared.</p><p>"Wonder who brought it." Will didn't actually care, but it was something to say.</p><p>"I don't know, must've been heavy." Ruby smudged out the end of her blunt. "I broke up with Jake."</p><p>George, as if on queue, slid open the door with his elbow and offered them very full mugs of beer.</p><p>"Cheers, lads. Happy fucking new year." Will was still processing what Ruby had told him several moments prior, and could barely spit out a thank you. "Right then, I'll leave you to it."</p><p>Will had imagined Ruby's break up being more dramatic. She wasn't one for theatrics, but never sported a stiff upper lip. He assumed she would've called him crying, and he would've gone over to her flat and sat with her on the floor while she lamented her decision, but acknowledged that it needed to be done. In Will's imagination, there was more anguish. But now Ruby looked apathetic, more disconnected than usual.</p><p>"When?" He asked, doubting it was appropriate but curious anyway— appropriateness seemed a little bit moot at this point.</p><p>"Earlier today." She leaned over the balcony railing. "Right before I sent you a text. I called him, I told him all the usual stuff, about how like it wasn't him, and it was me."</p><p>"Oh, how'd that go over then?" Will asked, still very uncertain that he was being helpful.</p><p>"Poorly. He's upset I did it over the phone. I thought about you for a moment. How you told me that I only ever say I'm fine and I don't know." She said, and looked thoughtfully down at the street. "He kept asking me why I was doing it, why I hadn't talked to him. Why, why, why... I just kept saying I don't know, I don't know." She mimicked herself, and Will tasted the bitterness in the back of his throat.</p><p>Self-deprecation was inherent to the Twenty-Something's vernacular, but Ruby's self-loathing was invasive and uncomfortable. He had expected tears, not spite.</p><p>"I didn't mean that in any way," Will said.</p><p>"Nor did I take it in any way. You just pointed it out. I hadn't noticed."</p><p>They finished their beers and when Ruby set the glass down Will knew she was done with this conversation for the time being. He was okay with that, because he didn't know where to go from there. He didn't recognize Ruby as she went back inside, and he thought maybe it's because her head was held too high, over compensating for all that was now unknown.</p><p>Alex joined him outside after a while.</p><p>"Ruby is nice," he said.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"What's up between you two?"</p><p>Will shrugged. "I don't know."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was almost noon when Ruby woke up the next day to the sound of Will grinding coffee beans in an electric grinder. She was wearing only her underwear and sweater, the rest of her clothes were sitting on the ground beside her.</p><p>"Good morning, then," Will said when she sat up. Ruby groaned. Her mouth was dry. "You need anything?" She nodded. Will brought her a glass of water, and she pulled a blanket up from near her feet and covered her bare legs.</p><p>She gulped down the glass and regretted it slightly as her stomach churned. Will refilled her glass, brought her a cup of black coffee, and then went to his room and came back with a few ibuprofen.</p><p>"Thank you," She mumbled with her eyes closed. She wanted to make a snide comment about his kindness, maybe out of shame or embarrassment to be pathetically sat on his couch, hungover in her underwear.</p><p>"You alright lass? You really went for it with those last few shots." She remembered Alex and Stephen cheering for her as she downed four shot in a row and then chugging from the bottle of vodka itself, but very little after that. She thought she might be sick just remembering it.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, then added. "I mean, I will be fine. I'm just very, very hungover at the moment."</p><p>"I can imagine." Ruby asked for some clarification about what took place the rest of the night, and more specifically how she ended up in his flat. Will assured her nothing happened, and that she'd asked to stay with him. He'd only agreed because he didn't trust that she'd make it back to her own place safely.</p><p>"You insisted that you couldn't sleep in your skirt because you didn't want to wrinkle it."</p><p>"At least I've got my priorities straight."</p><p>She drank half the cup of coffee and shuffled into the bathroom, the embarrassment of being in her underwear quickly overshadowed by nausea. She threw up in the toilet and found her make up remover wipes shoved underneath the bathroom sink. She managed to rinse her face with water before her ears began to ring, and she went back to the couch and fell asleep again.</p><p>This time when Ruby woke up, it was dark out, and Will was sitting on the other end of the couch watching football on the television. The red team was up a point. It was raining outside and Will's flat was warm with the glow of the lamp, and the kitchen lights from the other room. His hand was resting on her ankle, and his thumb intermittently rubbed circles over her skin.</p><p>Anyone could've walked in and they would be met with a scene of domestic bliss. It felt fragile and unrealistic, given their predicament.</p><p>"You feeling any better?" Will had noticed that she was awake.</p><p>"I am, thanks." When a commercial break came on and was ten percent louder than the football game, Ruby said, "I like you." Will squeezed her ankle.</p><p>"I like you too."</p><p>"But I didn't break up with Jake for you." She added. This felt important to clarify, but by the way his brows furrowed, Will didn't understand. "I mean my breaking up with Jake is separate from my liking you." She wasn't explaining clearly enough the divide between her subpar relationship with Jake and the way she felt with Will. She felt as though she was in a different world when she was here with him.</p><p>"Are you... not interested?" Will asked hesitantly.</p><p>"No, it's not that I'm not interested in you. I just, I just don't want you to get things mixed up in your head that I broke up with him just for you." Ruby didn't understand her own indignance. She didn't want Will to assume total power and heady dominance. She could leave him too, if she wanted.</p><p>But she didn't, and she fell back asleep to the low volume of the television, now showing the soccer field, and the light drum of rain on the windows.</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was no announcement that went out to either their friends or the internet. After a few weeks, it became the expectation that Ruby would tag along with Will and his friends when they went out, and Ruby invited Will to a gala, and introduced him to Ellis who was thrilled to finally meet Will in person.</p><p>"I watched some of your videos, mate. Right funny you are. I'm glad we could work together." They all drank gin and tonics, and Will went back to Ruby's flat that night and when they slept together, Ruby didn't feel that gnawing in the pit of her stomach.</p><p>They went to Esters together and ordered the same coffee, and Ruby let Will pay every time he offered, and blushed when Lisa and asked how long they'd been seeing each other. Neither of them really knew what answer to offer, so they just shrugged and Will told Lisa it had been a little while, then put his arm around Ruby's shoulders.</p><p>One Thursday afternoon, Ruby was sitting at her desk, going through emails. Will had taken to coming over when he was bored at home, and unlike Jake, whose presence felt stiff and intrusive in her flat, Will settled in and Ruby barely noticed he was around. She tried not to think about Jake. They hadn't spoken since New Years Eve, save for one drunken text message a few nights later calling her selfish.</p><p>Will asked for a new video idea. He'd been completely exhausted creatively, and didn't know what to do now.</p><p>"I don't watch youtube videos," she said. "I don't know what type of suggestions you're looking for."</p><p>"Well you know, something fun and entertaining. George and I have filmed half a dozen videos of us watching stupid shite like, I need to try somethin' different." He sighed.</p><p>"Why don't you call Alex or James?" She said.</p><p>"It's the same thing though, I've got nothin new to offer." He paused for a moment, then sat up. "How would you feel about makin a video with me?" Ruby didn't know how she felt about that. Her immediate instinct was to say no, that opened the door for too much speculation, and too many eyes on her. Being thrust into the limelight felt like treason to their relationship, whatever it was.</p><p>"I'm not sure," She said. "What would I do?" Will laughed a little, and stood up from the couch to pace around the living room. She wasn't sure she could be interesting while talking into the lens of a camera. Ruby wasn't even very funny when she had real people standing in front of her.</p><p>Will spit out a few ideas, including going through his reddit page or reacting to a trick-shot Youtube video. Ruby shook her head.</p><p>"What if we went back and watched one of my very first videos?" He said, excited. "That'd be a blast, then we could both get a good laugh. It's right embarrassing at this point yeah, but it'd be fun. People would love it, and your reaction would be gold." He continued talking through his idea, and Ruby sat at her desk, hearing his words without any conceptualization.</p><p>She still felt a familiar wave of guilt and panic wash over her when they made plans together, despite no longer having a reason for it. Ruby didn't know what this video would entail, other than being thrust into the limelight and viewed by millions as a woman in Will's life. Daunting. They hadn't been hidden away from the public, but the internet existed in the dark, a place where Ruby was meticulously aloof, and upheld herself as an almost egotistical artist.</p><p>This video became the only thing Ruby could think about.</p><p>Will asked her to come round to his flat the next day, and she agreed. He had to leave in a hurry then, because it was half past five and he had a conference call with his manager for another project he'd been working on. Ruby followed him to the door to say goodbye, and he kissed her very normally and smiled when she kissed him back.</p><p>"Okay, bye."</p><p>"Bye lass, see you tomorrow."</p><p> </p><p>The video was up within two days of filming it, and Ruby was at Will's house when it went public. The title read Reacting to My Oldest Youtube Videos and the little picture next to it showed Will covering his face in embarrassment, and a still frame of Ruby laughing. </p><p>The person who made it had been kind to her, and she had a nice smile across her face and a hand on her cheek. Will pointed out that most of the time his editor will grab purposely unflattering images for his channel guests, and she was lucky. Her stomach dropped at the thought of her online image being stained with an unflattering, kitschy freeze frame. She was collected and witty online. Professional. Will was the opposite.</p><p>Bridging the gap between their social lives should have gotten easier as the days went on. Ruby sat on the couch while Will queued up his video on the television screen, and when he pulled out his phone to tell his fans, she shrank back out of the frame. They watched the video together and Ruby stared at her face the whole time. She knew it was her, but she didn't recognize the way her voice sounded, or the tilt of her nose when she looked over to one side.</p><p>When they had filmed the video, Ruby only laughed when Will laughed, and made few comments of her own accord. She felt the weight of the millions who followed him gazing at her through the camera lens, and when he had finally said alright, I think we've got enough for a video, she felt her shoulders relax.</p><p>They sat on the couch now, and while Youtube began to automatically play another video, Ruby felt grateful that Will had introduced her strictly as his merch designer and friend. Well, good friend. Which was enough for her phone to start buzzing on the coffee table in front of them.</p><p>"What'd you think?" Will asked, and Ruby heard his voice tilt with excitement.</p><p>"It was... good, really nice. Your editor made me seem way funnier than I actually am," She said. "I didn't make a single off-hand comment that was funny, but they've really done a number for me."</p><p>"What d'you mean? You can be funny when you want. James thinks you're hilarious."</p><p>"James is incredibly gratuitous with his laughter." She was looking at her phone, and there were already several notifications waiting for her, many of them on Twitter. Several people with Will's face in their profile picture had posted their theories with lots of exclamation points. One read,</p><p>No offense, but Will could definitely do at least three times better than that. she looks like a wannabe cottagecore tory. She'd seen scathing online remarks about her appearance in the past, but this was surely the most eclectic. Ruby read it out loud. It was funny to be juxtaposed with such an extreme characterization of her outward appearance, but Will didn't see the humor.</p><p>"Christ," He muttered, "they could lay off for half a second. I'm sorry, I didn't even consider the fact that my audience is shite." This was a sincere apology, Ruby realized.</p><p>"Well, it just comes with the territory. Being online allows you to be perceived."</p><p>"Oi, don't go all philosophical and posh on me now, eh?" Will joked. "I just got used to the Ruby who says things other people can understand."</p><p>"I wasn't trying to be posh."</p><p>Talking to Will as an equal—one might even argue a lover— was different than talking to him as another man's girlfriend. She'd held all the cards before, but now they were equals. They only had themselves to lose. Will tried to poke fun at her, but she couldn't bring herself to laugh.</p><p>"I'm just takin the mick, like," he said. "Not tryin to send you on your way so soon."</p><p>Ruby looked through the notifications on her phone. A couple hundred people had started following her in the span of hours. The picture Will put up, from the day his merch came in, had hundreds of comments asking about their relationship status. Her own most recent post saw several appear as well. She stayed glued to her phone, scrolling through and observing the reaction. Will didn't seem to notice that his personal life was being dissected online and Ruby wondered if this was normal, perhaps something she would just have to get used to.</p><p>The next time Ruby thought about the video was when James asked her about it.</p><p>"Did you have fun being in Will's video?"</p><p>Ruby shrugged. "It was interesting."</p><p>"Everyone else seems to think so as well," He said. "It was a really good video, you two compliment each other well."</p><p>"Ha, sure. Will carried the whole thing, his editor made me look good."</p><p>"I mean, if I'm being honest, editing is what makes Will's videos funny most of the time. He's got good jokes, but a decent edit is what pulls it all together." He offered this sincerely, but Ruby had a suspicion he might've spoken to Will about the video. "You seem to be pretty popular with his audience. They liked you a lot."</p><p>"They all think he could do better." She told him. "They don't even know that we're seeing each other. He's not even my boyfriend." It was true that they hadn't put a label on whatever was happening between them, but she felt guilty for using that as respite.</p><p>"Will mentioned that, I think he's concerned." James said, confirming that Will had spoken to him. This was angering in ways Ruby couldn't understand, she was a native to the throes of the internet and did not need someone else looking after her wellbeing.</p><p>"If I didn't want to do it I wouldn't have agreed. I'm fine, and he doesn't need to send you in to do reconnaissance." James raised his eyebrows, but let the conversation move onto another topic.</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Come on, we're going to be late." Will called to Ruby from the door of her flat. They were headed to Esters to finally meet up with everyone for book club. Will carried his now tattered copy of The Great Gatsby in his hand, and was waiting for Ruby to finish putting dishes away.</p><p>"It's fine, no one will care." Ruby responded. "I'm always late." She wasn't, but she hoped it would quell Will's concern.</p><p>"Yeah, but you're smart enough to be late, I've got to compensate for my lack of education somehow." He said. Ruby rolled her eyes as she slipped on a pair of loafers, and her yellow rain coat.</p><p>Will had driven himself to her building today, which he often did, despite having to pay for a parking spot by Esters. He opened the door for Ruby. Getting into such a conspicuous vehicle was embarrassing, she preferred to uphold a more frugal appearance. This was flashy. Her neighbor, a gentleman named Richard who lived across from her, had asked about the car one day. She told him it was a friend's, and he told her it was very nice and to pass along his compliments. She remembered that now, as they drove away, and she told him.</p><p>Taj, Audre, and James were standing in a tight circle and speaking in hushed voices at the end of the bar when Ruby and Will walked in. Ruby caught Audre's eye and they all quickly turned to say hello, stopping whatever conversation they'd been having prior.</p><p>"Sorry we're late, it was my fault." Ruby told everyone.</p><p>"Ah, it's all good," Taj said. "We got you both a cuppa." Ruby thanked him and Audre started pulling her away toward the table where they had their coats. Ruby had been avoiding talking to her since that phone call at the club, and now seeing her and Will walk in together, Ruby had a suspicion that she wanted answers.</p><p>They sat down and Audre started drilling her with questions about the party, where she'd been for so long, what happened with Jake, and why she was suddenly with Will all the time. Ruby answered them all in a brief, equally hushed whisper. She left out the parts that made them both look bad.</p><p>"Huh, well I can't say I'm not surprised, that man was beside himself the first time you met, I've never seen someone stare like that." Audre said.</p><p>"He did not." Ruby muttered, but their other three friends were headed back to the table and she didn't have time to argue when Audre whispered did too across the table.</p><p>Before they'd arrived at Esters, Ruby had told Will not to touch her during book club.</p><p>"I don't really like any displays of affection in public, and especially not in front of people that I know." Will had laughed, but dutifully obliged, save for a brief touch of the shoulder as he sat down next to her.</p><p>They thoroughly discussed Gatsby, comparing their own analysis to everyone else's. Jay Gatsby held himself in such high regard, with no real plan on what to do when he made it to the top, and they agreed that his obsession with Daisy was not a noble pursuit, but wholly one meant for personal gain.</p><p>"I quite liked the green light bit." Will spoke up for the first time. "Thought it was kind of hopeful and a bit romantic." Ruby smiled at this admission, they'd spent several afternoons discussing the concept of the green light, vacillating between loving and hating it.</p><p>"Personally, I see it as an objectification of Daisy," Audre countered.</p><p>"Yeah, I see that," Will said. "I won't knock it, but I don't think his objectification was totally harmful."</p><p>"I mean, he romanticized her into this idea that forced him into illegal activity and an egregious lifestyle, and I think it turned him into a completely different person."</p><p>"Yeah, but his intentions matter." Will said. "You can tell he absolutely adores her. So it doesn't go how he anticipated, but you can't write the lad off for givin it his best effort."</p><p>"I'll give ya that, mate." Taj said. "He tried damn hard to be the man he thought Daisy wanted."</p><p>"Ah, the throes of masculinity, where everyone assumes they know what Daisy wants." Ruby said. Audre nodded in agreement.</p><p>"We're outnumbered here with you blokes," she pointed a finger to James and Will. "Now we've got to defend ourselves against a bunch of men."</p><p>"Hey, hey, I'm not here to cause divide. I'm not sayin he was right for it, but it's what he did and he put a lot of effort in."</p><p>"Yeah, I suppose he did put the effort in, but at some point a man's gotta reckon with that level of incompatibility. If not for their own hang ups, than those of the society around them." Ruby said, and she felt her words reverberate into her soul, settling in a place where she didn't want to look.</p><p>When they were done with book club, everyone walked out to look at Will's car. Taj and Will led the way, and Taj asked question after question about things Ruby didn't understand in the slightest. It was still a novelty to have Will hold open the door for her and to get in such a nice vehicle, and though it was embarrassing to be seen getting in Ruby liked when they were on the road and she could spy through the tinted windows and see people stare.</p><p>Tonight, she opened her own door to get in, and awkwardly waved to her friends and James as they all turned around to head for the train station.</p><p>"What did you think?" Ruby asked once they were on the road.</p><p>"About the book?"</p><p>"That, and book club, and my friends... you know, what did you think of everything?"</p><p>"Well, aside from reading not being one of my top activities I'd say all things considered, you lot make it pretty enjoyable." He said. "I like getting a glimpse of your world."</p><p>And that's what it was, Ruby acknowledged. A small insight to the life she'd made for herself, and Will was diligently observant.</p><p>"I like having you here."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was the last weekend in January, and everyone was going out to celebrate Alex's birthday. Ruby was holding Will's hand inside his pocket as they walked to the restaurant down the street from his flat, and Will was pleased with how much everyone loved her. His friends always enjoyed seeing her, and thought she was gorgeous. Whenever he introduced her to someone new, they would always whisper to him and tell him how lucky he was.</p><p>He knew. Tonight she had picked out a pair of jeans and black boots and said, "Now I'll fit in a little better with you all." Will had laughed when she walked out with a button up blouse and a big knitted cardigan on as well, and when she asked why he told her she looked more put together than all of his friends combined.</p><p>"You suck." She said and rolled her eyes, pulling a coat and scarf on despite the comment. Will grabbed her by the jacket and pulled her in close, and the blush spreading over her cheeks gave away her act of indifference.</p><p>His heartbeat sped up a little every time he got to touch her without hesitating, and he loved the way she anticipated it and leaned into his embrace, even when she was pretending to dislike his jokes.</p><p>"I like you." He really did, he wanted her to know it. Will kissed her before she could say anything else, and hoped that it explained more than his words could. "I like you a lot."</p><p>Now they were just a couple blocks from the restaurant, and she was holding his hand inside his jacket pocket, and Will felt like he could fly. He'd never been with someone who made him feel so cool, she felt like a ticket into a side of the city he'd never seen before. She was almost as tall as him and matched his stride effortlessly, always staring straight ahead. The crowded London sidewalks parted in front of her, and she never had to awkwardly shuffle between bodies.</p><p>Will wished he could see her from the perspective of her peers. He wondered if they liked her, or if they felt jealous when she laughed and threw her hand up to her mouth, because she was beautiful when she laughed, he wondered if they saw her like he did, as an art exhibit—breathtaking, untouchable.</p><p>He felt silly now, as Ruby made a comment about how she was missing her favorite pair of socks, to be coming to terms with how intense his feelings were. They had barely talked about what they considered one another. The closest they'd come to stating exclusivity was a couple weeks ago when Ruby asked if he was considering sleeping with the woman he'd kissed at the club.</p><p>"No, I haven't even thought about her since that night." Will said. "I don't even know her name." The look on Ruby's face made him regret tacking that on.</p><p>"Ah, not the type to sleep around then?" She asked.</p><p>"I'm not looking to spoil what I've got at the moment, been seeing a really nice girl."</p><p>"So you're seeing someone," she mused, playing along. "Good for you. I'm seeing someone too."</p><p>"Ah, just the one bloke, then? Not the type to sleep around?" He asked back.</p><p>"Hmm, not particularly. Don't want to spoil what I've got."</p><p>The restaurant they were headed to was called Dominic's, and it was next door to one of Alex's favorite bars, The Coupe. Conveniently. He liked the place and told Ruby she would too. When she told him that it was one of her favorites, he felt excited as he pictured buying her a drink and walking her out to their small back patio, and asking her how she would feel about being his girlfriend. He was sure she would say yes, and pictured the way she would tell him that she'd been his girlfriend for a while now, but yes, I think that sounds great. It was like electricity.</p><p>There was already a crowd forming outside of the bar, and Will shook his head as they approached the door to Dominic's.</p><p>"It might be a right disaster gathering our lot up tonight," he mumbled. Ruby laughed, already exasperated with their drunken behavior. They walked past a group of people passing a blunt around, about to enter the restaurant when someone called out in their direction.</p><p>"Ruby?" Will stopped walking, and Ruby froze as Jake squeezed between two of the men closer to them. The color had drained from Ruby's face and she dropped his hand. Jake glanced at him, eyebrows furrowed, and then turned back to her. "What are you doing here?"</p><p>"I'm going to a birthday party." She said. Her voice gave away nothing, and aside from her ghostly complexion, she didn't seem perturbed. Will realized that as much as he noticed about Ruby, Jake surely did as well.</p><p>"Oh." Jake said. He kept glancing over her shoulder at Will, and he tried not to look as defensive as he felt, for Ruby's sake. "You two are together then, eh?" Jake was staring at Will when he asked, tears brimming in his eyes. Ruby answered.</p><p>"We came to the party together." She told him.</p><p>"You fucking cunt," he muttered, still in Will's direction. He was at a loss for words, and felt guilty knowing that he had played a part in breaking this man down.</p><p>"Jake," Ruby said. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make a scene, I didn't realize you were going to be here."</p><p>"No, how the fuck would you know? You haven't answered a single one of my calls, Ruby." She hadn't mentioned that Jake had been calling.</p><p>"It's just—"</p><p>"Too busy fucking him?" Jake interrupted. "You slag. I tried so hard. I tried so hard to make things work and you were always pushing me away. I should've seen through it. You never wanted me." Standing there, in front of the bar, Jake sobbed, and Will watched Ruby gather him up into her arms and stare at the ground while she comforted him. He took a few steps back, worried to let Ruby out of his sight but not wanting to overstep.</p><p>They spoke in hushed voices, and Will strained to hear what they were saying over all the other voices. He could only see Jake's face and wasn't able to tell much about the conversation from it.</p><p>"And you think it's going to be better with him?" Jake said, loud enough to startle Will. They made brief eye contact and Will understood the hatred he saw there.</p><p>"I didn't say that," Ruby was starting to get frustrated. "All I said was that it wasn't working with you and me. I don't have any more answers, I really am sorry." She took a step away from Jake.</p><p>"You self-righteous cunt," Jake said again, this time with his eyes glowering directly at Ruby. He took a step towards her. For the first time since they'd begun talking, Ruby glanced behind her for just a brief moment, and Will saw her eyebrows furrowed together as she quickly scanned the crowd.</p><p>Jake grabbed her arm, and Will felt his own body fill with rage. He was by her side in moments, wrenching Jake's hand off of her.</p><p>"You'd better watch it." He said. Waves crashed against his chest, guilt, anger, and fierce loyalty to a woman he didn't even have a label for. Jake didn't try to fight back.</p><p>"She's yours, mate." He muttered, pulling away. "Waste of time anyway. Four fucking years for what, for her to faff off with some nonce who has a bigger spotlight. See how long that lasts, bitch." He spat the last sentence at Ruby and stalked back off into the crowd of people he'd emerged from. They stared at him as he went back into the bar, and several people glanced at Ruby with big, curious eyes.</p><p>"Ruby, are you okay?" Will asked. She nodded, but her hands were shoved into her pockets and she didn't move.</p><p>"Oi, mate." Stephen's voice came from behind them. "What in the bloody hell was that?" Blood was rushing in his ears and Stephen's voice sounded tinny and miles away. He was furious. He wanted to go find that bastard and punch him, knock him out in front of all his friends, make him pay for what he'd said to Ruby. Stephen was talking to her right now, with a gentle hand on her shoulder, asking if he needed to go in there and give him a good knock about.</p><p>"I'm fine, it was just the first time I'd seen him since we broke up. He was just really drunk, we don't need to cause a scene." She was telling him. James came out to join them from inside the restaurant and Will felt helpless watching his friends console Ruby, he didn't have words to comfort when rage was consuming him.</p><p>Tongues of angry fire licked at the back of his throat, threatening to explode if he opened his mouth, so he stayed quiet and followed Ruby when she told everyone that she was okay, and walked into the restaurant.</p><p>He ordered a glass of water when the waiter came around, and Ruby ordered an iced tea with a smile and wet, glassy eyes. She was sitting several seats away from Will, Becky had pulled her over to an open seat next to her to talk, and they whispered between each other for several minutes as they both sipped their drinks. By the time she looked over to Will again, there was color back in her face and she was laughing. The fire receded once more.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex graciously pretended that he didn't want to go to The Coupe after dinner, in order to avoid any more run ins for Will and Ruby.</p><p>"There's a new spot I've been wanting to check out," he told everyone. "It's just a bit further down the block. Why don't we head over there?" Ruby was incredibly grateful for this. Becky had immediately come to her side, distracting her with surface level gossip and curated disdain for Jake, though she didn't know the reason why.</p><p>"You're too pretty for all of these men," she said. "They're all going wild because they know you're out of their league— even Will." They both glanced across the table, and Will offered them a wide smile. Over-compensating.</p><p>"I suppose you might be right." Ruby didn't want to speak to Will right now, and it was evident that he wasn't receiving that message in her near-constant conversation with Becky, and the way she avoided eye contact, even when she could see him staring her down out of the corner of her eye.</p><p>"We should talk." Will said. They were in a cab on the way home, sober.</p><p>"Okay, sure." Ruby stared out the window.</p><p>"What's that s'posed to mean?"</p><p>Ruby answered with a shrug, and let the vibration of the window pulse through her forehead until her lips and nose felt numb. Jake's words circled through her head. She didn't want to be hurt by them, it was her own choices that forced them into such a predicament. Still, she felt the weight of it all. She shrugged.</p><p>"I don't know." She knew exactly what type of reaction this would warrant, and felt at peace with his harsh sigh, and the heavy silence that followed. He didn't like that answer, neither of them did. The rest of the cab ride was silent.</p><p>Ruby hoped that Will would forget about seeing Jake at the club and climb on top of her when she got in bed. The impending conversation could wait, everything could wait. She didn't want to think right now. When she walked out of the bathroom in her pajamas he was sitting at the edge of the bed deliberating. Ruby ignored him and climbed in bed. It was late. She told him that.</p><p>"Ruby, what he said to you..."</p><p>"Don't make it a big deal, Will. It's not."</p><p>"The way he grabbed your arm, I got nervous."</p><p>"He wouldn't hurt me."</p><p>"Are you sure, Ruby? I saw the way he looked at you."</p><p>"You don't get to decide what hurts me and what doesn't." She clenched and unclenched her jaw and her chest was flooded with white hot anger. Here in her bedroom it was quiet and peaceful and Will's presence barely hindered the loathing whirlwind of thoughts that battered at Ruby's resolve.</p><p>She laid down and Will didn't try to speak to her, but he did lay down with her after a few minutes and wrapped his arms around her waist, and she stared at the clock on her nightstand and wondered how long it would be until she was alone.</p><p>Will made coffee in the morning, and sat at her small kitchen table to eat a piece of toast. Ruby got dressed and sat on the couch with her laptop to begin answering emails.</p><p>"You just not gonna talk to me?" Will mumbled, staring into his coffee cup.</p><p>"I mean, we can talk. I just don't want to talk about last night."</p><p>"Okay, fine. That's fine."</p><p>"Oh, it's fine, huh?" Ruby joked, hoping to lighten the mood. It worked.</p><p>"Yeah," Will said, coming to sit down with her. "It's fine."</p><p>Will went home while Ruby was still sifting through emails and advised her that she shouldn't work on Sundays, and instead she should enjoy her weekend. She laughed and explained that as much as she dreaded opening up her inbox every day, putting it off for more than two days was worse. He shook his head, exasperated, but didn't offer any push back. He had a video to film tonight.</p><p>A few hours later the phone rang. Jake. As she looked down at the caller ID, Ruby remembered how hurt he'd sounded last night. She had been ignoring his calls and deleting his voicemails without listening to them.</p><p>"Hello?"</p><p>"Ruby." Jake answered. His voice echoed, she hoped he was okay.</p><p>"Jake, why are you calling?" She asked.</p><p>"Why did you fucking leave me?" Ruby jumped when someone bumped around in the hallway, a neighbor getting home. After their interaction last night the sound of his voice was threatening and violent, no longer masked by her devotion.</p><p>"You keep asking me that, I wish I had a better answer for you." Her voice shook as she tried to explain herself. "It just wasn't working, I wasn't feeling it. Something was off."</p><p>"That's a fucking LIE." It felt like little drops of rainwater were cascading down her spine when she heard Jake's voice echo again, the sound coming more clearly from the hallway outside. Ruby sat silently in her place on the couch as the door handle shook. Jake's drunken hands attempted to open it. Ruby couldn't breathe as the door swung open. She had forgotten to get off the couch and lock it when Will left.</p><p>"Jake." He dropped his phone on the floor and slammed the door. The repercussions of leaving him hit Ruby all at once and she stood up and tried to focus on breathing.</p><p>"You cheated on me."</p><p>"Jake, I—"</p><p>"Don't try to make fucking excuses." He walked towards her, and she could've confused his slow, intentional steps with anger if it wasn't for the smell of sweat and alcohol. "You went behind my back with that, that... that fucker. I'm not playing any damn games with you. I don't even care anymore, but he will never love you, not when he knows you're ready to shag any damn man who looks your way."</p><p>"You don't know what you're saying, you're drunk." Ruby said calmly, her back pressed against the wall.</p><p>He laughed. "I don't know what I'm saying? Are you kidding me? I know you better than anyone. He's using you for a quick shag and a good deal. You don't know what you're saying, Ruby." Another step forward. Ruby realized she needed to find a way to get out of this confrontation. "I am the only one who was looking after you. That bastard doesn't give a shit about your health, or your friendships, or your work."</p><p>"You don't know that."</p><p>"Oi, all those flimsy tossers are the same, they look out for themselves and do what they want. You were blinded by the money, Ruby. I'm sure he completely swept you off your feet and gave you no choice in the matter, but you'd be a goddamn fool to give up everything we had together. I love you, Ruby. I'll give you a second chance."</p><p>There was sympathy showing through whatever drunken, vicious stupor had brought Jake all the way here. Four years was a long time to give up. Birthday parties. Trips to the grocery store. Dinners with friends.</p><p>It all flashed before her eyes, a highlight reel of their lives together. The sweetest memories she could recall.</p><p>Compared to the terror sitting in the bottom of her stomach as she stood on the other side of the couch, cornered by a man who said he loved her, it had never occurred to her that all those lovely times would lead up to a moment like this.</p><p>"Thank you, but I don't think I want one."</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"I don't want to be together anymore."</p><p>Jake moved too fast for Ruby to react. In a few bounds he grabbed her by the shoulders, squeezing until she gasped. He shook her a few times, maybe for good measure, or for theatrics, or to remind her how much stronger he was. It was all the same right now.</p><p>"You're still holding out for that piece of shite?" He squeezed harder, and Ruby felt her knees shaking underneath her. Jake was holding up the better part of her weight. "Think you can just leave me like that? Selfish bitch, you don't care about anyone but yourself."</p><p>The back of Ruby's head hit the wall when he shook her again.</p><p>"Please stop," she whispered.</p><p>"Don't tell me what to do." Her head hit the wall again, and then one more time. It was a dull ache radiating through her skull now, and she didn't know how to fight back. Ruby had been the first to hurt Jake, and what was a bruise to this deep, painful mourning?</p><p>Her knees finally gave out beneath her, and Jake couldn't support the full weight of her body falling to the floor. He reached down and grabbed her face in his hand, and stared into her eyes. She didn't know the man looking back at her.</p><p>"You're nothing to me." He squeezed a little too hard and then let go, and stepped back. The silence between them enveloped her, and the only thing grounding her to the moment was the shaking of her body.</p><p>Jake left.</p><p>After several minutes, Ruby got up and began packing her bag. She grabbed only the few things she needed. Passport. Socks. Computer charger. A carry-on bag would last until she got away from this apartment and this city that now felt too small and too close to everything she hated about herself.</p><p>The cab dropped her off at the airport a couple hours later and she booked a one-way ticket back to California. Her parents would think she was surprising them. She knew friends in LA. She'd be fine. The apartment could get sorted out over the phone.</p><p>"Thank you." She gave him a much bigger note than what the ride would have costed, but there was no time to wait for change.</p><p>"I need a ticket to LAX." The flight attendant she walked up to looked surprised. People didn't buy tickets at the airport very often, Ruby knew that, but the lady was kind enough to help her find the next trip.</p><p>"What day would you like your return flight?"</p><p>"I don't need one."</p><p>"Oh, okay. Do youneed to check a bag?" The flight attendant was squinting at her. The securityguard squinted at Ruby's ID and then turned back to her face. She was not thepolished, absent woman in her photograph. She'd never felt so full of emotion,so close to tipping over the edge of something big and irrevocable.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The reception was warm and excited, Ruby's parents hugged her tightly in the front door and welcomed her in. It was just past dinner time. She sat in their living room and watched the news and left her phone in her old bedroom. When her mother asked why she was home, she told them she missed them. An answer like that was enough for them. She didn't tell them she planned to stay, that this was her sudden and permanent homecoming.</p><p>"I'm happy you're here." Her dad said.</p><p>"You look different, how has London been?" Her mother asked.</p><p>"It's cold."</p><p>Ruby had sent Will a text right before she left London.</p><p>I need some time alone. We'll talk soon. She hadn't turned on her phone since the flight attendant's voice crackled over the monitor and asked them to power down all devices.</p><p>Her parents asked about Jake on Valentine's Day. She said they'd broken up, and then changed the subject. They didn't push it. She spent the first week in her childhood room, frozen in time from her last year of high school. She worked from her laptop and only answered emails from clients.</p><p>Finally, she decided to venture out.</p><p>"I'm going to that coffee shop down the street today," she told her parents.</p><p>"Oh, the one you used to go to when you were in school? That closed down just before Christmas. You might want to try this new place, it's a little further down but you might like it. It reminded us of the spot you took us to in London."</p><p>Her mother was right, this new coffee shop was warm and comfortable and reminded her dearly of Esters. She thought of Lisa. She thought of everyone.</p><p>Last minute decision</p><p>hello to both of you, sorry i've been so out of it these last couple months. lots going on. i've decided to move back to california for a little while. if it's not too much to ask, I need some help gathering a few things from my apartment, i can pay to ship them here.</p><p>i'm with my parents for the time being, and my phone has been off. i'll send pictures soon.</p><p>p.s. if you could not mention it to Will that'd be appreciated. im fine, just need space.</p><p>All my love. Xxx</p><p>With that email on its way to Audre and Taj, who would surely be relieved to hear from her, she felt she could take a deep breath. She continued reading through her emails and sipping sour coffee. This place was nothing like Esters. Back to emails.</p><p>New Business Inquiry</p><p>Who: Will</p><p>Where: No fucking idea.</p><p>What: Ruby, I don't know how else to reach out to you, what happened? What's going on? Where are you? Please, I've tried calling. Says your phone is dead. Im worried as hell. no one has seen you. Your apartment door was unlocked. I locked it and I got the spare key from the cupboard. Hope that's okay. Please call me, I don't know what to do. You've got me scared to death.</p><p>Love, Will.</p><p>Hiding away from her own life made her feel sick. She read his email again and drank coffee when her mouth went dry. He'd sent it at almost two in the morning where he was at in London, she wondered if her mysterious disappearance had kept him awake all night.</p><p>In a new tab, she opened up his Youtube channel. He had posted a video the same day that she got on a plane. It did well. There was only one other update on his page, a short message a couple days ago. Going on a break. Lots going on. Be back soon! This was surely about her, but it didn't feel appropriate to assume that she was causing so much distress that he was unable to work.</p><p>She replied to his email hesitantly. She was leaving London for a while. Thank you for locking the apartment. Her phone was off. She'll call soon. He responded within minutes.</p><p>where was she, he'd been worried, he wanted to talk, he didn't know what happened</p><p>it was a long story, she was fine, it wasn't his fault</p><p>please call.</p><p>Please don't.</p><p>He didn't respond to her last email, she maybe didn't type very kindly, and she wanted him to stop talking because she couldn't help but reply, but the silence still hurt. He'd probably felt the same way for the last several days. It was high time for her to experience this pain.</p><p>Three weeks passed before Ruby's belongings arrived and her parents didn't ask questions when she pulled box after box upstairs to her room. They let her do as she wanted, their only daughter hidden up in her room once more. Sometimes she sat at the piano, playing old melodies when she remembered them. All her sheet music was stashed in the bench she sat on, but she never pulled it out.</p><p>Some old friends from high school found out she was back in town. They came over one night to see if she wanted to get drinks. Conveniently it was the same day her mother had gone grocery shopping, and Ruby thought the events may have been related. She obliged, and her friends sat in her parents living room while she changed and they waited like it was her prom night, all staring expectantly up at the top of the stairs for Ruby to descend in something beautiful.</p><p>They were all still living in their hometown, a small little spot far enough away from the city that it felt quaint. Everyone downstairs waiting for her was dating someone they'd known from high school, except for Jen. She had a girlfriend in Los Angeles that she visited on the weekends and went to clubs with.</p><p>She opened the box that contained the rest of her clothes. The familiar smell of her flat, rain and cardamom, overtook her for a moment. She pulled out skirt and sweater from Lorraine, if not because they were near the top, then because they fit her like they were made for her, and it was a reminder that she did not live here in this California town and she did not belong here. Everyone downstairs was wearing jeans except for Jen, she was in a skirt as well.</p><p>Ruby always liked her style, and one year when she had been shopping over winter break she'd gone out and bought the same sweater that Jen had, after her friend told her where to find it. She still had it buried somewhere.</p><p>"Wow," Andrea gasped. "London has really taken ahold of you, girl." Ruby smiled politely, and slipped on a pair of small heels.</p><p>"It's a lot different than it is here." Her parents told her to have fun, and her dad whispered that he could pick her up if she needed a ride later when he gave her a hug goodbye.</p><p>The bar they went to was almost an hour away. On the car ride there they all talked over each other about Ruby's website, her Instagram, her Twitter. They asked her about projects she'd done and interrupted to gasp and ask for clarification. They told her that her parents bragged about her whenever they saw people they knew in the grocery store. Jen admitted that she'd worn a skirt out tonight because she knew Ruby would be dressed up.</p><p>"You always look like a model, you're like this perfect vision of high fashion meets casual. You've got a good thing going on, it suits your personality well." Ruby felt her cheeks heat up and she ushered compliments back to Jen, reminding her of the time she'd purchased the sweater.</p><p>"That sweater was seriously the cutest thing I'd ever seen, but you always pulled it off much better than I did." It was true.</p><p>Of course, the conversation naturally turned to men, and as they were walking into the club Mandy turned to her.</p><p>"Okay, you've got to tell us about Jake." All four girls turned to Ruby, and Amber, the quietest of all of them, nodded furiously.</p><p>"I saw him on your Instagram and he's like, insanely hot."</p><p>"Oh, yeah. We... I ended things, he was super hot and stuff," she felt London melting off of her in the midst of her friends. They were not critical, and any word she said would be gospel, and next week's grocery store news, "but it just wasn't working out."</p><p>"Oh no, that's awful. You guys were together for a while, right?" Andrea asked. Ruby rubbed at her arms, where the bruises from the night she left were finally fading.</p><p>"Yeah, we were together for a while. It's alright though, I'm totally fine!" She lifted her voice and smiled a bit bigger, and whether they knew she was lying or not, they moved on.</p><p>"Not to sound like a total stalker then, but I watched that video you did with that Will guy, it showed up on my front page and I was like oh em gee, that's Ruby!" Mandy said. Ruby's heart fluttered at the thought of Will, who still had not replied to her last email. For the best, surely. "You were seriously so funny, and he's like, super cute."</p><p>"Wait who is Will?"</p><p>"Yeah, who is that?" Ruby didn't have to answer the other girls, as Mandy made herself the expert and explained to them who Will was.</p><p>"Yeah, and he's got like a huge following on Youtube. He's huge, and Ruby designed some shirts and sweatshirts for him, right?" Ruby nodded. They all fawned over this while they ordered drinks, and asked Ruby what it was like to meet famous people. She tried to keep her answers brief, but tried to entice them with some popular brand names she'd worked with, but the conversation kept drifting back to Will.</p><p>They pulled up his Instagram page and saw the picture of him and Ruby, wearing hoodies and smiling.</p><p>"Oh my god are you guys dating?" Amber asked, directing her comment directly to Ruby. She looked in her friend's eyes and felt a wash of shame and discomfort. She knew Amber wasn't asking to gossip, none of them were, but talking about Will as more than a client was opening the door to confusion and embarrassment.</p><p>"No," she finally admitted, and everyone's face fell. "We're just friends." They accepted the answer with no pushback, despite her hesitation. They insisted on buying her drinks, and Ruby let them get her decently drunk and pull her onto the dance floor.</p><p>When they all finally stumbled out of the club doors, Ruby was smiling and laughing and hugging her friends as if they hadn't spent any time apart.</p><p>Andrea had agreed to be the designated driver and ensured that everyone was wearing their seatbelts when they piled in her car. She dropped Ruby off first, and they all gave her awkward huge from where they were buckled in the car, and asked her to hang out again before she went back home. She told them this was home for a little bit and didn't smile very much when they cheered and exclaimed that they would be in touch.</p><p>Her parents were asleep when she quietly opened the front door, and she tried to steady herself on the stairs as she climbed to her room. Ruby had left her phone on her nightstand, charging after not being used for so long. Now in the early hours of the morning she realized that it was midday in London. Will would be awake.</p><p>She called him.</p><p>"Hello?" He picked up on the second ring.</p><p>"Hi." She didn't want to give away how much she'd had to drink.</p><p>"Ruby? 'S that you? Are you alright? Why are you calling?" He fired off question after question without giving her time to answer any of them. She told him that she'd been out with friends. He asked where she was.</p><p>"I'm at home for a bit." She said. He went quiet.</p><p>"You left London?" Will asked after a few moments. His voice was low and quiet, Ruby wondered if he was trying to hide hurt or anger.</p><p>"I needed to." She whispered.</p><p>"You couldn't even mention it? It's been weeks and you're in a different country and you just didn't tell me?" He asked. The words were mad, but his voice didn't hold malice. A pathetic defeat. As she laid in her childhood bed, she imagined him sitting down on his couch in the middle of the afternoon back in London, finding out that she'd been so far away for so long.</p><p>"I just, I really needed to get out." She said again.</p><p>"Why?" It was a fair question, but when Ruby thought of the way Jake grabbed her face, the spit that had sprayed on her cheeks when he yelled at her, she felt her stomach churn.</p><p>"It's a lot of reasons."</p><p>"Give me something to work with here, Ruby." There was a lot of silence, the phone static the only thing indicating that they were still on the line. "Was it me? Was it something I did?" He asked.</p><p>The very first night he'd kissed her, Ruby had wondered if she was dreaming. Will had been on her mind near constantly up until that point, and it was as if she'd pulled him in just by the sheer volume of her thoughts. She thought of the moments after that. The way he brushed the hair out of her face when they kissed, how he would curl around her body and make her feel small and safe after they had sex, New Years Day and the way he hadn't asked her for anything when she told him she and Jake had broken up. She let a tear fall down her face.</p><p>"It wasn't you, it was just... there was a lot going on. There was a lot I didn't mention." She whimpered.</p><p>"What d'you mean?" Will asked. He waited for her to answer, and Ruby was taking deep breaths, trying to fill her lungs to full capacity and then slowly push it all out through her nose. Snot and tears ran down her face and she wiped at them with the back of her hand. "Was it Jake?"</p><p>Hearing that name come out of Will's mouth was a bullet to her resolve. She sobbed once, loudly, and then covered her mouth so as to not wake her parents. Will was asking more questions, but she couldn't hear any of them as she tried to regulate herself enough to speak. She covered her face with a pillow and still tried taking deep breaths through the sobs rocking her body.</p><p>"Ruby, Ruby, hey hey hey," Her phone had fallen away from her ear and she now heard Will's voice in the distance calling her name. She put it on speaker so he couldn't hear her gasping for breath. "What the hell is going on?"</p><p>She closed her eyes and focused on the words she was going to say until they didn't hold any meaning.</p><p>"H-He came to my apartment."</p><p>Silence. "Jake?"</p><p>"Yes." Ruby heard mumbling on the other end, it all sounded far away. Fuck. A moment later he was back.</p><p>"Ruby, are you still there?" He asked calmly.</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Are you okay?" She shook her head, knowing he couldn't see it. There was no space left within her for people's kindness or patience. It was overwhelming and unsurmountable and all she could do was shake her head because she was scared and drunk and alone and could not stop crying.</p><p>Will swore again. Someone else was there in the apartment with him, maybe James. She heard him tell them he went to her flat even though he'd tried to hold the phone away from his face.</p><p>"Ruby, love... I-I'll help you, I'll do whatever we can to figure this out together." He told her. "When are you coming back? I can pick you up from the airport, I'll.. I'll go back there with you and we can get all your things."</p><p>"Will..."</p><p>"No, Ruby, we will get this sorted out, I promise." Ruby thought it was sweet of him to be so read to help, but she had already made her decision.</p><p>"I'm going to stay here." She told him. He didn't seem to understand because he asked her again when she'd be home.</p><p>"Will, I am going to stay in California."</p><p>"No, no you're not. You're gonna come back to London and we're going to get this figured out." Will's voice broke. "But you are not leaving after I just met you, after we just got things going right. That's not how this is going to go." He sounded panicked, rushing to find the words to get her back to London, but Ruby had spent almost two weeks coming to peace with her decision, and had all her words carefully chosen.</p><p>"I want to stay here, I miss my family and London isn't everything I thought it was."</p><p>"That's a lie Ruby. That's a right lie and you know it. You've got work here, you've got friends. You've got me." He begged. "You can't just up and leave, don't let one bastard ruin everything for you."</p><p>"I've made up my mind, Will. I'm sorry." She bit down on her knuckle to keep from sobbing into the phone again when Will let out a single cry.</p><p>"No, no, no. Ruby please don't. Please." There was nothing left for her to say, she didn't have any comforting words. She felt the same pain that he did, and hoped that it would begin to fade as they spent time apart.</p><p>"I'm sorry." Ruby hung up.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The days passed quietly, Ruby found a new apartment at the beginning of April. Her friends from high school invited her out for drinks and sometimes she would come, other times she would stay at home. She continued going back to the coffee shop to work, her clients were kind when she lied and said a family emergency had come up and she was working from California now.</p><p>Audre and Taj kept tabs on her, and offered to come visit during the summer, and she said she'd think about it. They didn't ask what happened. No one had, except Will, but he didn't talk to Ruby at all anymore. After their phone call, she hadn't heard from him at all. He continued uploading videos on his Youtube channel, and Ruby wondered if he had forgotten about her already. His eyes never lost their sparkling excitement when he was filming.</p><p>Some nights when Ruby missed Will, she would go back and look at the picture Alex had taken of them that day in his apartment, Will's arm around her in a friendly way. She missed the way he was quick to touch her, to hold her when they were alone. Now, in her new apartment back in the city she grew up in, London felt like a dream. The life she'd lived from the time she was eighteen was slipping away from her and now she went to the grocery store with her mother and wore jeans more days than not.</p><p>April felt like a cruel reminder that a new month was dawning and leaving Will further in the past. He sat on his couch and watched the days pass in shadows on his wall, playing out like a puppet show, silhouettes of the future he'd begun to hope for, one where she was still here.</p><p>He cried in front of his friends when they came over to drink. They'd pat him on the back and tell him things would get easier, but April felt like defeat. There was nothing left for him here. He'd burned every bridge.</p><p>James, his best friend, was real and active and came over to help him film videos and continue going through the motions of his life. Filming videos was the only time he could smile, it was an easy façade, a work attitude. Will wondered if she watched any of his videos. He hoped she did, it was nice to imagine she missed him the same way, if she would know this hollow loneliness.</p><p>Alex and George were close by, and when they came over they would order take out and watch a show and they didn't make him talk. They'd give him real, full hugs before they left, every time, and they told him to take care of himself. He would say thank you and then he'd lay on his back on the couch and he let the aching fill his body until he fell asleep.</p><p>She had borrowed a shirt once, when everything was okay, and Will had found it laying in his armoire one afternoon and he would clutch at the fabric and sob into it when he didn't know if he was able to feel anything anymore. It was pathetic.</p><p>James let himself in without asking now, and it woke Will up from where he'd fallen asleep on the couch. He sat down on the coffee table so he was by Will's head.</p><p>"I spoke with Audre and Taj today." He said. Will sat up, this is the first he'd heard of her friends since she left. "They said she's doing alright."</p><p>Will asked if they'd said anything else.</p><p>"They told me she was living with her parents when she got back, and now she's got her own place."</p><p>That sounded real. Permanent.</p><p>"Have you heard from her?"</p><p>Will hadn't heard from her since the phone call when she told him everything. He'd been sitting on the couch, he was still hopeful that they could work things out, he'd thought she was staying with a friend here in London, perhaps. Then she told him that Jake had come to her apartment and she was back in California and everything he'd been thinking about before crumbled because she was worlds away.</p><p>Even now, when he thought about it his stomach curled. She hadn't given him much detail about what had happened and his imagination ran rampant throughout the day, considering all the worst-case scenarios where she hadn't gotten the chance to call him weeks later. He told this to James, whose eyes widened when he mentioned Jake's visit.</p><p>"Is she alright?" He asked. Will shrugged, helpless. She had moved back to California, thousands of miles away. Did that seem alright?</p><p>James sat on the couch for a while longer, glancing at Will often and picking at his fingers. He let out a few sighs in quick succession, and finally opened his mouth.</p><p>"I got her address." He said. Will sat up. "Audre gave it to me the other day."</p><p>He produced a piece of notebook paper and handed it over. Will read it, and it was for a town in California that he'd never heard of. She had never told him about where she grew up.</p><p>"Honestly I didn't want to give it to you, I don't know that this is the best idea for anyone." He paused, and deeply considered his next words. "I can't make decisions for you. All I'm saying is you shouldn't make any rushed decisions."</p><p>James left after that, having done what he came for.</p><p>The piece of paper with her address sat on Will's bedside table and he watched the clouds roll through the sky from under his quilt. He had work to do today, but the grey that settled over London lulled him into the early afternoon seamlessly.</p><p>When he finally got up, he made a cup of tea. Earl Grey. She told him once that she liked the way his hands moved. She had reached over and brushed her fingers over the tendons on the back of his hand. It was as if she'd left a ghost in London, and now that he was alone in his kitchen he could see her outline moving through the room, filling it with warmth and life.</p><p>Will smoked a cigarette on the balcony and let the ashes float down onto the sidewalk below. He entertained the thought of tipping himself over the edge. He wondered what it felt like to die. Falling off the balcony wouldn't hurt, but hitting the ground was the part you were supposed to worry about. Anyway, he didn't want to die, he just wanted to get rid of the way she'd torn apart his insides and left his body to rot with heartache, expecting him to carry on in a new life without her.</p><p>Tonight, he laid in bed and remembered what it was like to see her for the first time. He'd never seen a person in such a singular way. In his memories she was not just a woman. She was a ray of light, pure and beautiful. Art that encapsulated the highest level of self-preservation and nuance. She had been untouchable, unreachable. Will knew he should feel grateful even just for the opportunity he'd gotten to bring her into his mundane, useless orbit. Still, he burned.</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will bought a plane ticket for the twenty fourth of April. Just a week and a half away. He confirmed his flight, and then shut the internet browser. He did not call her, or even send her a text, because to be turned away now, while this fire licked at his throat, would be to die to his own heartache.</p><p>To manage the sick, shaking feeling that reached throughout his body when he thought of his impending trip, he worked. It was a brief escape that gave him endless ground to walk on. He filmed several videos a day, and his editor called to ask if he'd been working through a backlog. Will said he'd been feeling inspired. His inspiration stemmed more appropriately from the wildness building up in the back of his throat. When he laughed at a video he wondered if anyone would be privy to the hysteria that rang through his ears.</p><p>He hadn't booked a flight back. He had enough time and enough money to stay in California and beg for her to come back to London, to come home. Will was ready to put up a fight. He considered that he would do anything in this scenario. The element of drama that had plagued his interest in her from the beginning was coming to its halting crescendo and now the final act was left to the whim of the woman who did not know fate was chasing after her.</p><p>"You're going to California then, but what happens when you get there?" Alex and George were in his apartment. They had invited themselves over and were surprised to find him packing up a suitcase. Will still had two days before he left, but the anticipation was driving him to a madness he tried desperately to regulate.</p><p>He didn't have a plan, he explained. The plan was just: Show Up. He would figure it out from there. George said he sounded like a lunatic and he agreed.</p><p>"So you think you're going to get her back, then?" George asked. Despite the careful tiptoeing others had done around Will when discussing her, George had reminded everyone multiple times about her cooking, and was enthusiastically supportive of Will's grand gesture of a poor plan. He mentioned this now.</p><p>"I've thought about the pasta she cooked for us every single day since. I'm a desperate, hungry man." Alex shoved him.</p><p>"Oi, this ain't about you." Will ignored them as he sorted through his shirts and pulled out the sweater he'd worn for New Years Eve. He thought it might be a thoughtful detail. He muttered something about the weather in California, and a moment later Alex chirped back the high for the day. Mid-seventies and sunny.</p><p>Will threw it in the bag anyway.</p><p>He'd been to California a few times, but only ever really to LA for work events. He'd never been outside of the city. Will was flying into the LA airport but his final destination was a town a few hours north called Windsor. It looked nice, nothing like where he grew up in Northeast England. Even as an American expat, she had a suave certainty about London that even he didn't have as a native to the country.</p><p>George asked him how long he would be gone, and Will just shrugged.</p><p>"Christ, you're a dumbass." His words conflicted with his tone. That night, they sat around and shared a few beers and for the first time since he had made his decision, Will felt hopeful. Maybe it was because he was feeling warm and fuzzy after a third drink, but he let himself imagine her smiling when he opened the door, he could imagine her in a tiny, empty, lifeless apartment with all her belongings still packed, waiting for him to come find her. Then the could go home together. It was a beautiful, hopeful dream that he held tightly, while his friends talked about video games and football and let him be silent.</p><p>Soft purple haze settled across the skyline as Will stood on the sidewalk, waiting for a cab. He took a deep breath, and felt the weight of a city that did not see him as more than another pair of feet pulling a body through its days. He let his faceless, sweaty hand grip the suitcase handle when he put it in the trunk and his voice sounded like a stranger when he instructed the driver to Heathrow Airport.</p><p>They passed Esters and he could see ghosts of the people they had been sitting in the window seat. He remembered what it was like before he knew her. This was his paramount moment, a grand, beautiful, and reckless gesture that had no foothold other than as a means of pleading. Her soft smile, jarring paired with the sharp lines of her body, they all danced in his mind.</p><p>Security lines were long. They were always long. Will had arrived with plenty of time to wait around, but he felt anxious anyway and his shifting, nervous eyes earned him a long second glance from the security agent. The flight was poised to be approximately eleven hours and despite security lines being long, there was still an hour before boarding. He put in his headphones and listened to music he didn't care for just to pass the time.</p><p>Will found his seat between two young women, one of whom asked to switch places with him so she could sit next to her friend. Sometimes people would recognize him when he was on flights and they would stare at him with wide eyes and talk to him in a nervous voice. He thought it might have been nice for someone on this flight to recognize him, and perhaps ask him mindless, distracting questions, but no one did. He switched places so these two friends could talk with each other and they did not look at him for the rest of the flight except to walk by when they needed to use the restroom, or walk the aisles to stretch their legs.</p><p>The plane touched down in soft, foggy morning light, and the bumping landing and zero gravity pull exacerbated Will's racing heart and clammy skin.</p><p>Alright folks, welcome to the San Francisco International Airport. The local time is five twenty-four in the morning., and the current temperature is sitting at fifty-eight degrees. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated... The pilot's tinny intercom rang through the cabin as passengers groaned and stretched, waking from the stupor of international flight that had evaded Will. His leg bounced while the plane rolled into its terminal and every time he thought about seeing her again, face to face, he felt like he could throw up.</p><p>Windsor was a couple hours away. In England, two hours took you through a hefty portion of the entire country. Here, everything looked the same and he barely made it through a few towns. Thankfully, the roads here were much bigger than home and Will was able to get used to being behind the wheel of an American car without the constant fear of plowing the vehicle into someone else. He felt foolish driving the little hybrid, but wondered if maybe she'd like this better than his car at home.</p><p>Once the fear of crashing subsided and he could relax into the lull of driving, Will was able to think about her again. Each mile he drove was one mile closer. This was the last leg of his journey and he would have to stand in front of her and speak out loud words he hadn't even decided on. The sunny morning crawling across the horizon didn't fit his mood. He wondered if it would rain, if the sky would cry out for him and put on the show he couldn't find in himself. Please, he could say, I orchestrated the sky to prove everything to you, I begged to God and asked him to help me show you how much I need you to come home.</p><p>If a god existed, Will thought he wouldn't be interested in helping a desperate, silly man.</p><p>The GPS instructed him to finally turn off the highway in two miles. A sign passed that read Windsor. Time was moving slowly. He listened to the directions while they told him how to navigate through this town. Will knew this was the town she grew up in, but couldn't see her in it. There was no place left here that she would blend into. He drove by a small group of teenagers on the sidewalk, and he remembered his last years of school, almost ten years ago now.</p><p>He'd loved a girl in secondary school. It felt nothing like this. He took a right turn.</p><p>He was five minutes away.</p>
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<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The apartment complex was nice enough, nothing to look twice at. It had none of the charm and beauty that her London flat held. He drove through the gate on the tail of another car and reread her apartment number. 274. There was a little map in the middle of the roundabout and he found her building, F. It was near the back.</p><p>He drove past all the cars and looked for the letters plastered on the front of all the buildings. D, E...F.</p><p>Just up ahead.</p><p>There were several empty places for him to park, and Will drove slowly to try and control his breathing before he pulled into a spot. He kept glancing up at the building in front of him, wondering which window was hers. He pulled the keys out of the ignition and looked up again.</p><p>There she was, standing on her balcony at eight in the morning, smoking a cigarette. This felt insurmountable. He was still wearing the clothes he'd left London in, wrinkled and desperate. Will got out of his car, and felt like he might cry.</p><p>He kept his eyes on her the entire time, willing her to not disappear again. They made eye contact and he wondered what she thought right now, looking at a man she presumed to be in London, standing in the street at her apartment in California.</p><p>"Ruby."</p><p>Her hand went to her mouth, and Will couldn't see her face close enough to know if it was from surprise or horror. Ruby, her name was a relief to speak out into the world. They stood, Will staring up at her and Ruby staring down at him. This was the closest he had been to her in so long, and it was still too far.</p><p>"How?" Ruby said.</p><p>"I didn't know what else to do."</p><p>Ruby disappeared back into her apartment and Will stood on the sidewalk, exhausted. If she never came back out he would have to take this answer as her final one. This was the edge of the precipice, the insurmountable moment, they could not turn back now. He heard quick footsteps coming from the concrete hallway, and Ruby stopped at the bottom of the steps to look at him with wild, glassy eyes. She looked hollow and sharp, like sleep evaded her and she'd been smoking too much. Will thought he must look similar.</p><p>"You, you're here..." She whispered. "Why?"</p><p>"I had to see you again." He said. She didn't say anything back. "You disappeared."</p><p>"There was a lot going on."</p><p>"Yeah, but you didn't even tell me about it, you just got on a plane and ran away." Will said.</p><p>"I didn't know what else to do." She said. "I'm not very good at this."</p><p>"Good at what?" Will asked.</p><p>"I don't know," she said. "Being around you, telling you things. I kept expecting you to leave."</p><p>"I guess this is where I would say that it's fine, and I still love you, and I'd fly across the country because that's how much I don't want to leave."</p><p>Will took a step forward and Ruby watched him with tears in her eyes. He pulled her into his arms and felt her let out a choked sob before clutching back at him. The sidewalk was empty and this was a beautiful, painful moment with no answers and no clear way home.</p><p>Will followed her up the stairs into her tiny California apartment that was more expensive that her beautiful flat in London. Her body was shaking and when they walked into the main room she disappeared to put on a warmer sweater.</p><p>When Ruby came out from the closet sized bedroom, she found Will perched on the yellow couch her parents had given her. The apartment was mostly empty, and most nights she slept there instead of on the full-sized mattress she had on the floor of her bedroom. She kept her shoes on when she walked around and he stood up when he saw her.</p><p>"You got some of your things." Will nodded to a few boxes sat in the corner.</p><p>"Yeah, Audre sent me some things." She said. There were big, breathy pauses as they volleyed the conversation between one another, not wanting to be the one to drop the ball after all this time.</p><p>"You could've asked me for help," he said.</p><p>"You would've gotten my address."</p><p>"I've got your address now."</p><p>"Yeah," Ruby said. "I was wondering how you ended up with that."</p><p>"Audre gave it to James." Will said.</p><p>"I told her not to give it to anyone," Ruby said, to no one specifically.</p><p>"Well good on her for not listening to you." The sound of his voice was a warm, gentle contrast to the sharp west coast accent, and reminded her of everything she missed about home. He was out of place here, with sun shining through the windows. Will belonged in the stormy recesses of her mind, and under the grey skies of London. But here he was, despite it all.</p><p>Jake hadn't tried to contact her since that night, nor had she given out the details of what happened. The bruises on her arms had faded after almost ten days and as they disappeared it had felt like part of her life had gone with them. Now, Will asked about it.</p><p>"I don't want to talk about it, really." She told him. There wasn't much to tell.</p><p>"Then let's talk about something. How about you leaving the country and ignoring me for weeks?"</p><p>Ruby cringed at the bitterness in his voice. He towered over her.</p><p>"London isn't as big as it seemed." Ruby wondered if Will wanted her for looks and notoriety, a high-end piece of artwork hanging off his arm to contrast his own reputation. She felt her own bitterness creeping in and the voice in her head sounded like Jake. There was a chasm between them.</p><p>"Did I do something?" Will asked.</p><p>"I fucked you while I was still dating someone else." She said plainly. "I don't know how you'd want me after that. How would you ever trust me with anything?"</p><p>"I could say the same," Will pointed out. "I was still dating someone as well, remember?"</p><p>"I remember." When she looked back at him, she saw him for what he was. A man who'd crossed international waters to stand in the tiny living room of her apartment and have a conversation.</p><p>"It's not how I would've liked for things to go, I'll say, but I don't want things to go up in smoke with us because of what happened."</p><p>They sat on the couch together, and Will stayed a respectful distance from Ruby, and they stayed quiet for a while. When he finally spoke again, he asked how California had been since she'd come back. She told him about her friends from high school, and how they went to the bar a lot. She told him how confused her parents had been, and how they kept asking when she was going back to London. Ruby saw the same question in his eyes then, but he told her to continue, he enjoyed learning more about what life was like for her here.</p><p>They stayed there all day, slowly slipping back into something that felt like normal. As normal as you could get this far from the last place that had felt like home. Ruby asked about Will's friends, and Will told her that George missed her most of all, which surprised her.</p><p>"Don't worry, he only misses your cooking," Will told her. They laughed as he detailed George's lamenting. Ruby admitted that she'd missed them as well. She invited Will out to the balcony while the sun set that evening for a cigarette, and liked the way the flame from the lighter illuminated his face.</p><p>His eyes closed when he pulled in the smoke. They watched the sky turn from red to pink, and when Will blinked it took his eyes a long time to open back up.</p><p>"Have you slept at all?" Ruby asked.</p><p>"No, I've been a bit too nervous." He admitted.</p><p>"How long are you here, then?" Ruby asked. Will shrugged.</p><p>"I don't have a return flight until I book one."</p><p>"Oh." She paused. "Are you staying around here, then?"</p><p>Will chuckled a bit. "Not until I book something."</p><p>She looked over at him, elbows on the railing and ashes from his cigarette drifting down to the sidewalk below, where they'd stood this morning. Ruby imagined that they were wishing the past farewell, something different had come up the stairs from those ashes.</p><p>Ruby wondered aloud what she should do about her flat in London. All her things were there, and she dearly loved it, but now it was stained with the terrible memory of the night she left.</p><p>"This may be a bit forward," Will said, "but you could stay with me." The offer was kind, but Ruby admitted she still didn't know what she wanted to do.</p><p>"There's so much I don't know about going back, Will. So much that still keeps me up at night."</p><p>"Well, the offer will be there for as long as you need to think about it." He said. "I know it's not much, especially compared to your place, but it's something."</p><p>"Thank you." Will stretched his arms out, and Ruby didn't know what else was to come of this evening, but she thought that it would be nice to never walk away from him again.</p><p>"I should figure out what my plan is." He said.</p><p>"Yeah, you probably should."</p><p>He glanced around her flat. He hadn't brought anything up here with him, it would be so easy for him to walk out her door and say goodbye and tell her he loved her and that he couldn't deal with such an indecisive woman and that would be the last time Ruby ever saw him again. Her heartbeat sped up and she realized she absolutely did not want that to happen. She wanted, at the very least, to have him for one more night.</p><p>She asked him what he thought he might do, if he'd found any hotels nearby.</p><p>"I think it's time to admit that I was hoping you'd be more excited and willing to come back home. It sounds silly now, but I didn't think ahead much."</p><p>"That's okay," she said. She hadn't thought ahead much either, but he was here now and it would surely take more to push him away than it would to stay, and she didn't want him to go.</p><p>"Why don't you stay here?" She asked. He seemed confused.</p><p>"Here? Tonight?" He asked.</p><p>"Tonight, and tomorrow, and the next day, and as long as you want." She said. "I think I would really like it if you stayed a while."</p><p>Will smiled and began laughing, and Ruby couldn't help laughing too.</p><p>"So, what do you say?" Ruby asked.</p><p>"I think I'd love to stay a while."</p>
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